Funniest joke gets 10 points.?

Answer 1

Have you ever smell moth balls? Then how did you get their tiny little legs apart.

Answer 2

It was Easter sunday, the egg hunt was over and the farmer's son was bored. So he decided to have some fun and mess with the rooster. He ran into the chicken coop and replaced the hen's eggs with the dyed ones he'd found. Then he sat back to watch the fireworks. A few minutes later, the rooster returned to the coop, saw the colored eggs- and stormed outside to beat up the peacock.

Here's another one:

Moses and Jesus are playing golf. Moses selects a five iron and tees off. his ball lands in the lake. It's Jesus's turn. "Tiger Woods would use this," he says, grabbing a fice iron.
"But my shot ended up in the lake!" Moses protests. "You should use a four iron."
"Nope. Tiger would use a five."
So Jesus swings hard and hits the ball into the lake. He's walking on the water looking for it when a man approaches.
"Who does he think he is, Jesus Christ?" the man asks.
"No," Moses explains. "He IS Jesus. He THINKS he's Tiger Woods."

Answer 3

Munchkin, the 3rd joke is what got you that thumbs up. I heard the 1st before and I would repeat my version of the "melts in your mouth not in your hands" joke but it is a bit racist.

So, I hope this politically motivated one will do for you all:

One day, Osama Bin Laden, Hugo Chavez and George W. Bush all died and went to Hell. A demon was assigned to put them each into a specific room.
The Demon escorted Osama into the 1st room, which had nothing but a rabid dog-foaming at the mouth . "Osama bin Laden," the demon said,"you have sinned. Therefore, you must spend eternity with this rabid dog." You could hear Osama screaming bloody murder as the door shut behind him.
The Demon then escorted Hugo to the room right next to it. In that room was nothing but an insane gorilla. "Hugo Chavez," the demon said, "you have sinned. Therefore, you will spend eternity with this insane gorilla" As the door closed you could hear Hugo cry like a baby.
The demon then escorts George through a series of corridors until he is put into an empty room. The demon leaves him there without comment with the door disappearing. Now by this time George is on the brink of peeing his pants(give him a break, he IS in hell!) when a door appears on the other end. In walks Cindy Sheehan. "Cindy Sheehan" a demon is heard saying,"You have sinned..."

Answer 4

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying, "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident."

"OH DEAR GOD NO," Bush exclaims. "That's terrible!!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sits, head in hands. Finally, the President, devastated, looks up and asks, "How many is a Brazillion??!"




A man who was driving a car with his wife was stopped by a police officer. The following exchange took place.

The man says, "What's the problem, officer?"

Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."

Man: "No sir, I was going 65."

Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80." (The man gave his wife a dirty look.)

Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt."

Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."

Wife: "Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt."

The man turned to his wife and yelled, "SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"

The officer turned to the woman and asked, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"

The wife said, "No, only when he's drunk." !!!!!





A king has a beautiful daughter but every thing she touches melts all the princes want to marry her but there afraid to so the king holds a contest. He said I am getting to an old age so whoever brings my daughter something that doesn't melt will break the curse marry my daughter and inherit my riches. So 3 princes come the first brings an iron sword but it melted he went away upset. The next brought diamonds saying they are the hardest in the world but unfortunately they melted. Finally the 3 prince came and said reach into his pocket and she did she felt around her face turned red it didn't melt. What was in his pocket?

M and M's they don’t melt in your hand they melt in your mouth




A beautiful young woman, on an international flight, asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?"

"Of course you may. What can I do for you?"

"Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid that they'll confiscate it from me. Is there anyway that you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, the young lady let the priest go ahead of her. The Customs Officer asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The Officer thought this answer strange, so he asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the Officer said, "God bless you, Father, go ahead."





Thats about it!!!

Answer 5

Okay there was a Blonde and a Red Head at a bar and they were watching the news and this guy was about to jump off of a building so the Red Head says, " I bet you ten dollars that the man jumps off of the building." So, then the Blonde says," I bet you ten dollars that he does't." So, they watch it and the man does jump off of the building. So, the Red Head says," I saw the five o'clock news so I knew that he would." Then the Blonde says," Oh. I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think that he would jump off the building again!"

Here's another one what does a Blonde call Cherrios?

Answer: Dounut Seeds!

Why don't caravores eat clowns?

Answer: They think that they taste funny!!

Yo Mama is so fat that when you opened a bag of skittles the rainbow came!

Yo Mama is so fat that she covers he pills in Mayo!

Yo Mama is so fat that the ocean is her bath tub!

Yo Mama is so scarey that she scared the sharks away!

Yo Mama is so stupid that she thinks 2+2= 5!

Answer 6

Never choke in a restaurant in the South...

Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey, they
talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins
to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real
distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says "Kin ya swallar?" The
woman shakes her head no.

"Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head
no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress,
yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick
with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the
obstruction flies out of her mouth.

As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the
bar.

His partner says "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick
Maneuver', but I ain't never seed nobody do it

Answer 7

A penguin goes on a business trip to California and decides to drive there. He gets into his Cadillac and starts to drive. Soon he comes to the desert. After a few minutes, the car stutters and comes to a stop in the noonday heat. The penguin pushes the car to the next town which is 10 miles down the road. He pushes it into the parking lot of a service station. The attendant comes out and asks what is wrong.

"I don't know", says the penguin, "It just quit on me."

The attendant tells the penguin to leave the car and he would try to find out what is wrong. The penguin tells the attendant that he is hot and wants to know where ther is someplace he can get something cool. The attendant points him in the direction of an ice cream parlor down the road. The penguin waddles down the street and into he ice cream parlor where he orders a bowl of vanilla ice cream. Since his flippers are too short to use a spoon, he has to eat right from the bowl and gets vanilla ice cream all over his face. When he is done, he pays for the ice cream and goes back to the service station. When the attendant sees the penguin, he approaches him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal!"
"No", the penguin says, "it's just vanilla ice cream!"

Answer 8

I'm not sure if this is funny but.Someone so fat, when she or he went to the beach, the whales sang "We are family!"
Someone so old, they farts dust.
Someone so old, they ow Jesus $3.
Someone so old, when God said, "Let there be light," they flipped the switch.
Someone so fat they makes free willy look like a tic tac
None of the jokes were insults to anyone and it didn't mean anything about anyone. If it did sorry. Anyway its how I think jokes are funny you should go to www.funnyjokes.com hope that works!!

Answer 9

well heres 1 of them

He starts dialing numbers....like a telephone....on his hand, then talking into his hand. The bartender walks over and tells him this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesn't need any trouble here.

The guy says, 'You don't understand. I'm very high-tech. I had a phone installed in my hand because I was tired of carrying the cellular.'

The bartender says 'Prove it.' The guy dials a number and hands his hand to the bartender. The bartender talks into the hand and carries on a conversation.

'That's incredible', says the bartender....'I would never have believed it!' 'Yeah', said the guy, 'I can keep in touch with my broker, my wife, you name it. By the way, where is the men's room?' The bartender directs him to the men's room. The guy goes in and 5, 10, 20 minutes go by and he doesn't return. Fearing the worst given the neighborhood, the bartender goes into the men's room. There is the guy spread-eagle on the wall. His pants are pulled down and he has a roll of toilet paper shoved up his as*. 'Oh my God!' cries the bartender. 'Did they rob you? Are you hurt?' The guy turns to him and says: 'No, I'm ok........I'm just waiting for a fax.

Answer 10

A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?"
The husband just looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like, Mr.Plumber?”

A few days went by, and he comes home from work and again his wife asks for a favor, "Honey, the car won't start, I think that it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"

"What do I look like, Mr.Goodwrench?" was his response. Another couple of weeks go by, and it's raining pretty hard. His wife then finds a leak in the roof. She pleads with him as he's walking through the door. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?"

He just looked at her and said "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" and sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV.

One weekend the husband woke up and it was pouring pretty hard, but the leak on the roof was gone! Speaking of leaks, he also went to take a shower, and he found that the one pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either.

His wife was coming home just then, and as she walked through the door, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks, and the car's running?"

She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I was picking up the mail, and I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything." "Wow, did he charge us anything?" asked the husband. "No, he just said that he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him" she said.

"Cool. What kind of cake did you make?" asked the husband. "Cake? What the hell do you think I look like, Betty Crocker?

Answer 11

Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email. Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife
Subject: I've arrived
Date: April 6, 2006
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!