I'm a big girl too but I have been fit and fat and never even changed wardrobes, my clothes didn't even fit any differently...it is all about muscle vs flab and abilities. So be careful with that body image.
Having self esteem leads you to care enough about yourself to take care of your body. When you have a healthy self-esteem, you can look at your body apart from your personhood and give it what it needs without judging yourself. What happens is that with good self-esteem you are naturally motivated to treat your body well...if you need to get fit you will, and if you are fine, you won't believe that you need to meet unrealistic expectations by others.
If you have a good self-esteem, you will also express confidence in yourself. That is what affects your relationships better than anything else. If you don't love yourself, you are basically advertising that you shouldn't be loved...and if you don't believe in yourself, then no one else will believe in you either. If you put it out there that you are fat and don't deserve a happy relationship...then you actually convince others that you are right. So you see, being accepted by others is very much a sales technique. If you are happy with yourself, others will believe that they should be happy with you too. If you are trying too hard to please others, you will forget what you really need and no one will be able to give those things to you.
Here is another biggie to think about:
Most of the time you attract people into your life...that support how you feel about yourself.
Go back and read that again.
Here is the most foolproof way to draw others to you in a positive way: Believe in yourself, make your own choices, be yourself. I bet you get tired of hearing that as a teenager. It does sound cheesy and unrealistic in those years when peer pressure can be so hard to deal with, then there is what your parents want from you. But in ALL ways...you must be true to yourself first. This isn't selfish, it is self-care. Taking care of yourself first makes the other things possible.
When you are taking care of yourself, you can listen to others and respect their opinions, take what you need to improve yourself and disregard the rest. If you have a healthy self-esteem you can take feedback without being hurt, as well as knowing when they are wrong. You can also meet your needs in a way that you please the people who really care about you...and there is enough of you left over to give them what they need from you. Doesn't that sound cool?
As an example, let's talk about school. If you value your education, you will focus on learning. When you are dedicated to learning, you will choose to study when you need to, you can relax when you know your stuff, your friends will support what you need to do, and your parents will be happy with your grades. Later, you will get opportunities that give you a leg up on career, so you can be comfortable in your lifestyle. In this situation, you didn't achieve success looking at what others needed from you or meeting other peoples standards. You followed your heart and success followed YOU. If you try to succeed by pleasing other people instead you lose yourself, end up doing things you are wrong for you, and you won't please anyone.
So girl, do your thing like you mean it...sell it! Get out there and do what you want to do without feeling like you don't deserve it because you are "the fat girl". Express yourself. Get your butt out there on the dance floor. Dress with self-respect. Ask that boy out. Eat when you are hungry. Exercise proudly.
OK this was a question about boys. You may think I got completely off topic, but I know what I am doing. See, it's like I have been saying. Be true to yourself, don't go trying to please the boys. Confidence is very very attractive. You will draw the boy to you who loves you as you are and wants you to be happy and healthy. Don't worry about the guys who don't accept you for whatever reason, you don't need them anyway. If you do your own thing and live with confidence (not *********) then the right guy will fall into your lap! Your relationship will be sustainable because you don't have to keep up any false impressions. He will care about you as you are.
2007-03-10 13:37:50
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answer #1
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answered by musicimprovedme 7
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Well sweetie I'm 28 and I'm a big girl as well. When i was in my teens i couldn't get guys away from me i was thin until i had my daughter 4 years ago and i cant seem to find a man that likes big girls either but you know what, that isn't going to stop me I'm still the same fun loving person i was years ago and there is someone out there that is going to want me. But my dear you have to be patient. You ll find a man someday that will love you for you and don't let anyone tell you different.. Please take this seriously Ive been there done that!
2007-03-10 12:28:43
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answer #2
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answered by jyb 3
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There are plenty of guys in the world that will love you for you and can see the beauty in a big girl.
I'm a big girl and I've never been desperate for attention. My mother raised me believing that because of my size, I would never have a man or be able to wear nice clothes. Once I accepted myself (thanks to a boyfriend), and my body I've never had a dull moment.
Oh, and don't listen to the idiot who said the only guy that will date you will be ugly, that's far from the truth.
Love yourself and your body and worry about the men later. I always had 'boyfriends' growing up but didn't have my first real love until my senior year in High school.
2007-03-10 12:46:12
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answer #3
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answered by Anonymous
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There are different tastes for everyone.
Some guys..and girls have preferences for blond hair..some for Burnett's..some like bigger girls/guys..some like skinnier ones...it all depends on the person.
And yes..personality does count in the end.
If you can somehow get over your shyness, and let your personality shine thru more, your chances of hooking up with a guy would be greater.(even models have to have something else person their looks to keep a guy! lol) make sure you have a good self image..be proud of who you are!
you don't want to be with a guy, who all he cares about is looks!..what a shallow person !..I also someone has been busy giving neg checks to whoever says its about the personality and not so much the looks..don't worry about that..just some troll.
2007-03-10 12:28:16
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answer #4
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answered by ? 6
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I don't know where you live but in the STL big girls get alot of love. In the club. In the mall. Where ever. I am not a big girl and I am attractive. I have however been picked over in preference to a big girl due to me not being big enough. And the ones I do know are being treated like queens. Don't worry you will find someone. Just be patient.
2007-03-10 12:28:33
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answer #5
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answered by fiveninebaby 2
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Julie, boys like girls period. I think your shyness is your biggest problem. Join some clubs, get involved in sports, or any activity that will bring you into contact with people. Practice eye contact and talking to people. In time, social interaction will become second nature. Be yourself, and let people get to know the real you. Guys fall in love with the person, not the package.
2007-03-10 12:37:59
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answer #6
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answered by irishman 3
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Just be confident about yourself, and let your personality shine through. The guys that only date girls for looks are jerks anyway, and you wouldn't want to date them (trust me!). This is actually a good thing, since you can automatically ward off all the jerks, because there ARE guys out there who don't care about looks. You'll find a guy one day, but right now don't sweat it and just live your life to the fullest! If a guy comes along, great!, but if a guy doesn't come along, don't worry.
2007-03-10 12:27:59
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answer #7
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answered by julia 6
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Hi girl don't feel bad because your not the only one that is big boned girl I am big , but i consider myself thick and sexy I love my thickness because a lot of guys just love it for the ones who think that your too big girl they are just jealous cause you got more meat then their girl keep your head up and never let anybody put you down
2007-03-10 12:31:24
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answer #8
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answered by sunshine star 1
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well...i used to be big but now im thick and i saw a huge difference in the way guys look at me and i know big girls who get the guys they want so personality is key?
2007-03-10 12:24:16
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answer #9
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answered by Anonymous
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no.
it IS about the personality.
perhaps you have a slow metabolism.
but being overweight says "hi i eat a lot and i sit a lot."
this is not the image you are going for.
i suggest you pick up a physical activity
i recommend
cycling
running
or any sport that will increase your heart rate.
good luck.
with a little mind power you will overcome.
it is not true that all guys care what a woman looks like.
though this is the case for many.
2007-03-10 12:28:19
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answer #10
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answered by spoonman 3
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