how to get along better with a controling mother in law?

Question

my husband is the baby in his family and even though he is in his early thirties his parents still treat him like a child, he does not act like one, his parents lived with us and I did not get along with his mom so I asked her to move and live with her daughter instead, so both my in-laws moved in with her, we are on good terms in person, say hi and stuff like that to each other but I can tell she is still upset with me, I even heard her say that she wished her son married a more traditional asian girl (i'm american born asian), traditional asian girls tend to do whatever their in-laws says, and a few friends of my in-laws have told me that she will never forgive me for kicking her out of my house, since she prefers to live her my husband and I than her own daughter, what to do

Answer 1

well, if she prefers to live with her son and her daughter in law, which come as a package deal, she has to learn to respect each of you. respect comes both ways, not just for the elders, but for everyone in a family. your husband should be telling your mom, that he married an american born asian and that he is very happy with you, so her wishes of her son marrying an asian wife is over with, and she as his mother has to respect his decisions and his WIFE and accept you as part of the family and don't make any kind of trouble to disrupt it. she can complain all she wants, but it's up to your man to put his mom in her place. so, to answer your question, it's not up to you to do anything, it's up to you husband to put his mom in the right direction. the day he married you, he took on new responsibilities. his mom is still part of his life, but she has to learn to respect his decisions and paths in his own life which includes you. good luck to both of you. don't let anyone ruin what the two of you build on to make a marriage work. it's hard enough in today's world to make a marriage work and you don't need other people messing with your life to try to destroy it. build on the foundation that the two of you started together and don't let anyone have the power to destroy it.

Answer 2

I think the only thing you can do is try to stay on good terms with her and be civil when you are in her presence. It is very difficult to be in this kind of situation, but the fact that they have never let go of their youngest child even thought he is in his thirties and is married, it will be very difficult to get out from under their control. The only way would be is to move away. Mothers in law can be very difficult sometimes, because they never ever think that anyone is good enough for their son or daughter. So try to bear with it, and if you can gain more support from your husband that would really help. Also, if she downgrades you in front of your husband, he certainly should defend you. The reason why she wants to live with you and your husband is because she is probably a meddling mother to her own daughter and the daughter has rejected her too. So there are problems, but if you and your husband love each other, it can be conquered. But moving away would be an option, otherwise you better get used to her trying to manipulate and dominate you both all the years of your marriage. Best of Luck

Answer 3

I would ask her to go to lunch with you. Then have a calm, civil conversation with her about cultural differences. What she wants for her son is obviously not the person you are, but maybe if you talk to her and explain your side of things, she will accept it, if not like it. You can't live your life based on what your mother in law wants. If it doesn't work, at least you tried. You may also want to have the same conversation with your husband, so maybe the two of you can find a way to set some ground rules for his mother without stepping on any more toes than necessary.

Answer 4

Whatever you do your M-I-L will not like it so don't feel bad. You have your own life to lead with your husband and if you choose not to have her living with you (whether you get along with her or not) then she should accept your decision. I think you are right to keep open the lines of communication with her (saying Hi, etc) but if she's saying negative things about you behind your back then I'd be wary. I hope you husband supports you in this.

Answer 5

If you and your husband are happy now, there's nothing for you to do. In-laws can cause serious problems in a marriage, especially when they live with the married couple. You did the right thing, so love your husband and stop worrying about his mom. Also, stop listening to friends who only bring you sad news.

Answer 6

Let it go. Ignore her before anything gets worse. I hat my mother in law too and I know she hates me. I live with them, but I have no choice. Until things are settled we are moving far away from her wickedness and never seeing her again. She says horrible things about me all the time and I just feel like punching her in the face, but instead I just let it go and have karma take it's place. Good luck.

Answer 7

My sotherin' law tried that with me. I told her politly that she should mind her own buisness. She promptly tried it again. I told her off and she left in a huff. Two weeks later she was back with a better attitude.

Answer 8

I admire you girl! You did the right thing. She will get over it. If she does not it is her problem to own. Not yours. You stood for your family. Good for you and is great for your family.

Answer 9

Stick to your guns, darling. Momma doesn't like the fact that her son has a new woman in his life.

Answer 10

your husband needs to talk to her and explain unless she can give you respect then she cannot live with you both, it's your home too