I'm a waitress at a chain restaurant. Last evening I waited on a table with a male in his mid-thirties, a 16 yr old., and 2 toddlers -I'm guessing ages 5 and 2. The young lady announced that she would like a glass of merlot with her spaghetti. Stunned, I gave her the once over and her youthful features led me to believe she was younger than 21. I asked for her id, and she handed me a picture id and marriage certificate with the gentlemans name as her husband. "She's my wife. Can you get the wine for her?" I did, but I was so disgusted by this man that I hardly waited on them afterwards. They later complained of bad service which I don't deny. But seriously, where do we draw the line? Am I really in the wrong?
2007-03-10 10:58:28 · 10 answers · asked by Madness 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Okay, first off it's hard to deal with the whole pedophilia thing to begin with. I think everyone's seen a May/December relationship at one point another... but you're right, that's icky. Usually, the cases are with people of age, like Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones. Chances are, however, that the children weren't hers anyway, but still...
I am a server myself, and frankly, you're not wrong if you didn't do anything to more make them uncomfortable than not checking on them from time to time. There are more than a few tables I've avoided because of similar things. Someone else mentioned this being discrimination, but the examples of race or gender are not applicable here at all. This is a personal bias not related to these issues. And even if it were, and you made them uncomfortable, that would be wrong. In fact, I've had to wait on tables that are obviously racist and avoided them as much as possible. It is no different than waiting on an especially rude table or someone that is showing a little too much "interest".
As far as serving her, well, I don't know what the rules are in your state, but unless she is with a parent or legal guardian then it is still illegal to serve her underage, married or no. Especially since she would have had to be emancipated prior to marriage, and her couldn't be her legal guardian. That would be having your cake and eating it too. Oh, and a marriage certificate is not, nor has it ever been a legal ID. Birth certificate, yes, marriage certificate, no.
Morally, it's up to you how you want to deal with them. And even with the complaint, I'm sure your manager would understand your side once you explained it to them. Yeah, you may get a talking to, especially from a corporate establishment, but it's certainly a fun story to tell people during closing.
2007-03-10 12:21:03 · answer #1 · answered by unity824 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your job is to offer service not judgments.
A pedophile is a person who hangs out at the park with a bag of candy and a van in hopes of exploiting a child for a sexual favor. It is incredibly inconsiderate to use this term here. The reason being that many of the people who read your post were probably abused or exploited as children.
Choose your words more carefully & if you don't enjoy "serving" others regardless of race, creed etc. Then you really need to find a new job. I would have fired you.
2007-03-10 15:21:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
She could have been of age, I look younger than my 25 years and most people mistake me for 16, if she showed you an ID then maybe that should have been enough, and since she was married to the man he's more than likely not a pedophile.
2007-03-10 12:52:06 · answer #3 · answered by Annabella Stephens 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes you are in the wrong on this one. As long as she can prove her age you must serve her. If you don't like them see if you can get another server to take the table. But you are not in a position where you can pick and choose who you are going to serve. That's just wrong, maybe you will decide that you will not serve a couple if they are not the same race, or if they are Muslim, or if they may look gay. Just because people are creepy you must wait on them. Sorry, that's just part of working with the public.
2007-03-10 12:07:07 · answer #4 · answered by happy_southernlady 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I understand where you're coming from, but if she got legal consenty from her parents to marry the man, then legally there's nothing to be done. I do think that you shouldn't have served her the wine since a marriage license does not make her of age- she's still a minor. But no you were not in the wrong.
2007-03-10 11:21:49 · answer #5 · answered by Ruthie 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
In some cultures (Gypsy for one...) it is not abnormal for a teenage girl to marry an older man and frankly, giving them bad service because you do not agree with how they live is very rude. You are there to work, to serve the public, not to pass judgement on them.
2007-03-10 13:45:37 · answer #6 · answered by Bones 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A marriage license doesn't make a minor of age. It's still not legal to serve alcohol to her. Next time you're in this situation explain that you wont be serving her alcohol, but continue to provide good customer service.
2007-03-10 11:11:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋
Yes you were. Your job is to serve the customer, not to pass judgement. Its just as bad as not wanting to serve them because of race or religious preference.
2007-03-10 11:14:12 · answer #8 · answered by dragonrider707 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
No, I don't think you were wrong,you were right to check her ID. However he"the husband" shouldn't have been so rude.But remember that's part of the job. Good Luck!
2007-03-10 11:09:45 · answer #9 · answered by Backwoods Barbie 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
if she was under 21, no matter who she is married to, you dont serve her booze.
and yes, if he is polite, you would have to wait on satan himself.
2007-03-10 14:08:06 · answer #10 · answered by Trid 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋