my 21 yr old son has moved back home with his girlfriend and 2 big dogs, I already have small dogs, my 3 bedroom house is crowded as I have my youngest son at home who is 12 yrs old.
but when ever I bring up them moving out , my son makes me feel guilty by saying Im a bad mum for kicking him out . help
2007-03-10 10:25:21 · 16 answers · asked by sonya l 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Tell him you no longer think it's right for him to live in YOUR home with HIS girlfriend and kick HER out. She can't say anything to you, since she's not family. He'll either follow or dump her. In that instance, at least you got rid of one of them.
2007-03-10 10:29:35 · answer #1 · answered by Rachel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sonya, it is time to take control of this situation. It has gotten out of hand and you must do something. Your 21 year old son had alot of nerve bringing his girlfriend and two big dogs to your home with no concern for you at all, knowing that you already have two dogs and a son at home. I think he is taking advantage and what I would do is say to him that he must start thinking of making arrangements for him and his girlfriend and the dogs to find another place and move out. Tell him that your home is too small to accomodate him and his G/F and two big dogs. If he makes you feel guilty, don't back down. Tell him it is making you feel very stressed out and it is just too much, and you cannot handle it. I think your son has to understand that this is your home, not his. You pay the mortgage and all the expenses. He must move. If he refuses, then get an eviction notice and hand it to him. This may wake him up. He seems a little spoiled...have you spoiled him? It is time for him to stand on his own two feet. If he cannot afford an apartment, then the only alternative is that he stay, and his G/F and the dogs move out. But the situation must be resolved, and the only way it will be resolved is if you stay strong and don't backdown. Good Luck to You.
2007-03-10 10:34:44 · answer #2 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
As long as you feel guilt he has you wrapped around his finger. He knows he shouldn't be there, but with you enabling him, why not? Can't blame him! You need to tell him he has one month as a deadline and at the end of that month NO MORE and the locks will be changed, seriously. Give him some shut up get out money if necessary and if you can afford it (not much thought!) and then don't look back. You are an adult and have a right to your own space - you paid your dues and you are now being taken advantage of. Get a friend to back you up when you tell them if you need the support, but it is time for some tough love. How will he learn to stand on his own two feet and be a man when mommy keeps rescuing him? Right!???? That's what Dr. Phil would say!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-03-10 10:31:49 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all .. you have NO obligation to the Girl ... go to your local police station, and ASK them to serve her with a Trespass Order .. at where she works, or ... if she is just sitting on her rear end .. at your HOME .. and when it is SERVED on her ... Have the Police ESCORT her OFF your HOME, Yard, and Property!
Then ... give your son the ULTIMATUM ... Dogs out in no more than 7 days ... you have 14 days to find alternative living arrangements at this time.
Also ... when they are BOTH out at work, you come home and CHANGE the LOCKS to ALL the doors ... and NEVER, EVER give either the Son or the Girlfriend or anyone else (except maybe your parents or one sibling or a trusted person) a key to the home.
He has ABUSED you at this point in time .. and there is NO reason you should feel guilty or be made to feel guilty or anything else!
He is done .. he moved out, and he MUST stand on his own two feet .. because he made the ADULT decision to live with someone, and now ...
He has INFLICTED himself, this 'girlfriend' and his Dogs on YOU to Feed, Clothe, Pay the Utilities, and yes pay the Mortgage, Insurance and Property Taxes on the property. He does NOT want to 'lose' this 'benefit' -- and yes, you are co-dependent and ENABLING him to be IRRESPONSIBLE and for BOTH of them to be IRRESPONSIBLE!
2007-03-10 12:05:19 · answer #4 · answered by sglmom 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Suck that sh!t up and kick him out. You did your part as a mother and now he's 21 and w/ a house guest. When he reach that point of moving out the first you should have put your foot down with the rules of not moving back in. My mother told each one of us "you can stay here as long as you are going to school, college and have a job, but when you move out you can't come back". That mean you reach the point of where you can't follow my rules. I moved out at 26yr. after I finished college and I haven't looked back yet. So put him out and and mean it because he know what to say to make you feel that way. when he's gone then you are able to feel any way you what.
2007-03-10 10:37:54 · answer #5 · answered by tank1show 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
that's putting too lots of a burden on you. that's the only reason you're able to provide him. No good reason to get married until now he finishes severe college. the place does he stay now? along with his father? What does the different determine say? the place are her father and mom in this? married human beings want privateness and a place of their own. in the event that they're the two out of highschool and working they are in a position to get an condominium. they'll extra desirable than in all probability not end college in the event that they marry so youthful.
2016-10-01 22:01:02 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have alot of great advice here. If he tells you your a bad mum, tell him he is a bad son. Don' boot the g.f out, just put a time limit on them. Just count to three, take a few deep breaths, then go for it, but make sure you have a drink of something strong after you do it... I hope everything works out... Good luck!
2007-03-10 12:00:40 · answer #7 · answered by Heidi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, kick his girlfriend out. It isn't your responsibility to take care of her. Then, after she leaves, your son will probably be pissed off and follow. I'd also be a b* and take his dogs to the pound if they don't leave. Also, why isn't the man of the house saying anything??? This kid is stepping all over you. If he doesn't pay the rent or mortgage, he has no say. Kick him to the curb.
2007-03-10 11:35:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are NOT a bad mom. Tell him they have 3 months to find other living accomodations and then they need to move. Be firm and do not back down. He is freeloading off of you and you should not have to house his girlfriend and the dogs.
2007-03-10 12:18:46 · answer #9 · answered by mimegamy 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
ur not a bad mom! u have done ur job! he is 21 he should have his own home and a gf and 2 dogs? u need to show a lil tough love and tell him hes got X amount of time to move out AND STICK TO IT!!tell him u understand it is difficult but he will be a better/stronger man for it!! tough love brings self worth/respect! i know because...........i am a product of it! i hated it at the time but i am soo grateful for it now! trust me on this!
2007-03-10 10:32:34 · answer #10 · answered by shannonlee05@sbcglobal.net 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋