Do You Think This Is Wrong?!?

Question

My friend has a 4 year old son that she still treats as a baby. He is still in diapers full time and she has not even attempted to potty train him, still gives him a bottle at night and hehas a pacifier not just at night but durng the day. She told me that because my 3 year old daughter has been toilet trained since 2 years old that i am making her grow too quickly!!!!
Do you think this is wrong?!? I am tottally against it?!?

There is nothing wrong with the child developmentally, but i think the longer she keeps him like this it may effect him later on at school/kindergarten. I know people say to hang on to the baby years but this is taking it way too far!

Answer 1

Yes. A four year old shouldn't be using a pacifier or feeding from a bottle! Having him still on these things could cause him to slur his speech and develop serious teeth problems when he gets older. He should be toilet trained by now, no excuses. The longer a person waits to potty train a child, the harder it becomes. What's going to happen when he starts school? Most schools do not allow children to attend without being potty trained. All these things will lead to immaturity. You're three year old is exactly on the right track.

Answer 2

Well, I hate to tell you this, but there is not much that you can do about the situation. You already told her your misgivings about it. I have a seven year old that is not toilet trained but he has developemental problems.

Give her time and she will come around. I know it is hard to understand why people do what they do, but sometimes they just don't have good parenting skills. The only thing I would truely worry about is the bottle and passifier, but again, it is up to the mom. Don't call child protective service because there is really nothing they can do about a child having a bottle for to long or passifier, and the averaged boy does not get toilet trained until age four they usually take longer.

Answer 3

Well first off her son will be starting Preschool VERY soon and they will not accept kids who are not potty trained or allow kids to have bottles or pacifiers.

Second by allowing the child to have a pacifier and bottle she is letting him ruin his teeth and gums, they tell you to stop giving a child a bottle and pacifier at a certain age for a reason.

You could try reporting her to child services, just tell them the kids are being taken care of but you are worried about her son because she is treating him like a baby. If his teeth and gums get ruined she can end up being charged with child neglect...You can call up and report it and you do not have to give any information about yourself, just make sure you include that she takes care of the kids and the only problem is that she is still treating her 4 year old like a baby, a DCF member will likely just sit her down and tell her the consequences of what she is doing such as the ruining teeth and gums and tell her to start treating him like a 4 year old , they will check back with her in a couple weeks and see how things are going.

Answer 4

Is it abuse - as one person puts it? Well, to put into perspective -do you consider the Eskimo mother who wraps her child so it can not move its arm or legs all day abusive? Do you consider the agricultural society in Africa which allows a three year old walking around with a razor sharp machete in hand to help with harvesting making a child "grow too quickly"?

It is easy to make a "right" and wrong" judgement - but we do that using our cultural and societal standard to make these juddement.

What your friend is doing - in itself - probably is NOT wrong. But it is not good to hold him back either. In our society, the norm is to have children toilet trained and have certain independence skills by a certain age (eg no more bottle at night by 4 years). So, what she is doing will have its own consequence as the child grows up and she will have to pay for it later.

(just a side point - with all the focus on your friend, don't you think toilet trained a child by two a little early? It might sound great but don't EXPECT every child to be able to do that by two. Child development has "norms" but it is within a range - some will develop quicker or later than others. We all have to be careful that we do not impose our own standard on what should be the "right time" for another child)

Answer 5

I personally think she is wrong for treating her 4 year old as an infant ... children are ready for potty training when they are about 2, and if she does not make solid attempts to potty train him ... she could later have VERY serious problems doing so, by age 4 kids are getting ready to go to kindergarten soon and are no longer babies she needs accept that he is growing up, and he will not be a baby forever.

Answer 6

It sounds like she is just really lazy if you ask me. The way I would handle it is maybe one day go to the park with your friend and both of your children and start asking questions to other parents who are there. Make sure she is paying attention though. Ask the other parents how old their children are and how long they have been potty trained then maybe she'll realize that she is the one who is different, not you.

I think that is horrible my son is almost 4 and he hasn't wore diapers (except to bed) since he was 2 1/2. It wouldn't be so bad if she was at least trying to potty train him and was having problems with it, but the whole bottle thing is just ridiculous she is going to ruin the kids teeth.

Answer 7

That is very unfortunate. Your friend is preventing her child from developing that certain level of independence needed at this age. It is unhealthy for a normal four year old to be in diapers and drinking from a bottle and If I were you I would voice my opinion to her. Let her know that there are people out there who have there children taken away from them for similar things. As a parent she is supposed to encourage her child to grow and mature and she is doing the complete opposite. I think it is selfish.

But do not worry! When he gets to kindergarten, things will different. He will see how the other kids are and want to be like them- going to the bathroom in the potty, drinking out of cups and not relying on a pacifier. And lets see what happens when your friend protests to that!

As for you- your daughter is on the right track and you should be proud of yourself for not listening to your friend's ridiculous theories.

Answer 8

Oh my gosh! You seem to have already done your part on speaking to your friend about the care of her child. I agree with you 100% that this is not right. Watch this situation very closely. If she does not start treating her son like a 4 year old within the next couple of months, you may have to report her to the authorities. I know that this may be difficult since she is your friend, but a child's health always come first. Remember, you can do this completely anonymous

Answer 9

She is F**King LAZY!! There is no reason for her son to be in diapers it's not healthy, and I'm sure that his teeth are beginning to rot or show signs of damage due to the pacifer and bottle. I would contact a local pediatric dentist and get brochures on dental hygiene and problems that arise from this. If she has 1/2 a brain I would tell her that he can't go to kindergarten in a diaper, they just won't take him and she is going to have to deal with the teachers contacting social services because what she's doing is a form of neglect.

Answer 10

As for the bottle and the pacifier, they need to go. She's going to ruin his teeth.

As for the potty training, is he maybe delayed so it's taking longer?

I'm having those issues now with my son who was delayed when he was younger. You couldn't tell he was delayed except that he's still in a diaper. He's almost 3.5 and we're slowly working on it