What do you think? funny? Yup long?

Question

> >A PET RULES
> >
> >
> >
> >To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >Dear Dogs and Cats, The dishes with the paw prints are yours and
> >
> >contains your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
> >
> >Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food
> >does
> >
> >not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I
> >
> >find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
> >
> >
> >
> >The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
> >
> >Beating me to the bottom is not the object.
> >
> >Tripping me doesn't help
> >
> >because I fall faster than you can run.
> >
> >
> >
> >I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very
> >
> >sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch
> >to
> >
> >ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball
> >when
> >
> >they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other
> >
> >stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that
> >sticking
> >
> >tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to
> >
> >maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
> >
> >
> >
> >For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.
> >
> >If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut,
> >it
> >
> >is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get
> >your
> >
> >paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through
> >
> >the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for
> >years
> >
> >canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
> >
> >
> >
> >The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's
> >butt.
> >
> >I cannot stress this enough.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
> >front door:
> >
> >
> >
> >To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets
> >
> >
> >
> >1. They live here. You don't.
> >
> >2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
> >
> >furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
> >
> >3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
> >
> >4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted
> >
> >son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak
> >clearly.
> >
> >
> >
> >Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
> >
> >
> >
> >1. Eat less
> >
> >2. Don't ask for money all the time
> >
> >3 Are easier to train
> >
> >4. Usually come when called
> >
> >5 Never drive your car
> >
> >6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
> >
> >7. Don't smoke or drink
> >
> >8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions
> >
> >9. Don't wear your clothes
> >
> >10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
> >
> >11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

Answer 1

Tinkerbell you have exceeded yourself.Ha Ha

Answer 2

I don't like animals but I'm beginning to wonder if I made a mistake having children and should have just got a cat instead

Answer 3

I think this is soo witty and so ture. My compliments for once again doing the impossible and cheering me up on a Monday morning. 10/10.

Answer 4

A good one for those of us who love our pets! The last line was worth the wait! Funny -

Answer 5

Not all of it was funny, but it did have some real good points. Really liked the nascar stairs thing, I have a cat and dog that do that exact same thing.

Answer 6

nice 1

Answer 7

Brilliant, where so you get these from? Do you make them up?
my pets are the same, think the house belongs to them and everything in it too,

Answer 8

brilliant 10/10

Answer 9

Perfect-I love my dogs, the friends I can live without.

Answer 10

Good one Ha Ha