My girlfriend and I have been sexually active for over a year now, but everytime we have sex, I always leave later feeling guilty. Infact I feel so guilty that I sometimes become depressed for a day or two. I never force her to do anything, infact, she wants it. I recently talked to her about it and it might cause some problems down the road. I'm not looking for a miricle cure, just some advise.
Also, I ain't no teenager in fact I am well out of college.
2007-03-10 09:42:37 · 8 answers · asked by TEFMLB 3 in Health ➔ Other - Health
Likely, this is an issue which would involve extensive Q & A, but as that is unavailable at this time....
There are two simple answers that I could give initially which I'm sure you won't like:
1) Stop having sex
2) Buckle down and stop feeling guilty
I wouldn't necessarily recommend either. Your best option is to examine (with her help if possible) why you feel guilty. This could be influence by a number of questions: Is she the only girl you have been sexually active with? If not, did you feel guilty with the others or do you feel like you are cheating on the others? What was your moral upbringing? Did your parents, teachers, etc. frown on sexual activity? Were you active in a religious congregation which frowned on sexual activity? More questions help too, this is just a start.
Depending on your past sexual history and your moral upbringing, you need to determine why you feel guilty. Consider whether you feel guilty because of any religious beliefs you hold. Consider how much you care for her. Sexual activity for many people, both in and out of religious communities, inherently tie sexual activity to a closeness with the other person that is readily identifiable by marriage. Consider whether or not marriage is an option. DO NOT use marriage as a cure-all. That can cause much worse problems in the end. Just consider where marriage falls in your priorities, and where she falls in your priorities, and see where these two compare.
Truly, I cannot give you the answer. Finding the answer is a process. I encourage you to talk with your significant other about this, and if you feel comfortable doing so, talk to a local pastor. Many local pastors can give open advice without confrontational judgmentality. I wish you the best.
2007-03-10 09:59:04 · answer #1 · answered by kjschuit 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A couple of things come to mind. First, you feel the way you feel. Period. The first thing you need to do is stop beating yourself up and think about this analytically. There are many things in your past that could cause these feelings. Perhaps your religious training, past sexual experiences, or past relationships are contributing to these feelings. One thing is for sure. Your feelings DO have an origin and you should spend some time examining the source. If you believe that there is nothing wrong with a sexual relationship AND you intend to continue your sexual relationship, but still have these feelings, then you should be careful about what you discuss with your girlfriend. Transferring your guilt to her is no service to either of you. If you make the decision to end the sexual part of your relationship then you, by definition, must continue discussions with her but otherwise don’t make her feel bad every time you have sex.
Again, at this point there is nothing to discuss because you have not sought the origin of the feelings. Take some time and repost with what YOU believe might be the source and we can go from there.
2007-03-10 18:13:21 · answer #2 · answered by John C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you feel quilty? If you don't know you really need to think about why more. Is there something you are hiding from her? there has to be some deep underlying problem there for you to feel that way after sex with her. Not sure what to tell you, just try to figure out why you feel that way by taking a better look at things before/during/after the sex
2007-03-10 17:48:23 · answer #3 · answered by bobbie21brady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are out of college and feeling guilty about the sex and your girl friend wants it. The guilt could be tied to your childhood training. There may be only two ways out of the guilt for you. Total abstinence (which doesn't interest your girl friend) or marriage. Which way do you want to go and what does she want. The big decision may have crept up on you.
2007-03-10 17:49:17 · answer #4 · answered by St N 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I think you have some issues that have nothing to do with your girlfriend. And I think that you should go see a counselor about this. These are not normal feelings unless there is something you are not telling us. Regardless guilt can be something very deep seated and you need to take care of this now before it gets worse. I do wish you the very best.
2007-03-10 17:52:23 · answer #5 · answered by Cindy Roo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are going against your own code. Regardless of what "everyone" else is doing, you are apparently not comfortable with running off a cliff with all the lemmings. Reign in your personal behavior to within your personal boundaries.
2007-03-10 17:56:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, you're a fag. That's the simple answer. Either that or you don't actually care for her at all and are looking to better deal her.
Otherwise, take advantage of the free pieces of patch you can get while you're young, my friend.
2007-03-10 17:47:57 · answer #7 · answered by law_student_to_be 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What makes you feel guilty? Are you two really rough? You should elaborate....
2007-03-10 17:47:36 · answer #8 · answered by untchble 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋