Where did I go wrong? I have two beautiful grown up children, one lives 5 miles away with her family the other lives at the other end of the country and loves his life. Yet my husband and I never see or hear from them unless we make contact first. They know they are much loved and when they do eventually get round to getting in touch or coming home I realise we have brought two smashing people into the world - yet getting them to keep in touch of their own volition is like pulling teeth with a pair of tweezers - impossible!
2007-03-10 09:19:49 · 18 answers · asked by highheelsshortskirts 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
did you forget what it was like when you left home and started your own life ??
you get out there and start a family make friends and get busy with life and have lil time for anything else
you did a great job with them they are great people you should be happy with that and its going to be hard to remember they have lives now and sadly they dont include their parents
i am so dreading the day this happens to me we are there hole lives and one day there just gone and dont need us any more
2007-03-10 09:54:53 · answer #1 · answered by debrasearch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, let me give you my point of view from their perspective. Because I may be around their age.
I know as a mother you want to see them more, and they are probably thinking, we need to go and see Mom and Dad more, but they are busy and one thing leads to another and it does not happen.
Also there may be some conflict there that you do not realize is going on. Maybe they thought you were overbearing in one way or another, over protective, or interfearing. Maybe they feel like babies or something. This is not uncommon that they would think this way and not tell you.
My mother is a nice enough person, but she is always sick with something and when you talk to her it is all about her. For that fact I rarely call her and talk to her. Her conversations lead back to how sick she is and how much medical attention she needs. Then it becomes an oh poor me session of you never come and see me and you never write, but when I do she does not write back because there is always something wrong, migraine headaches, the back and arms were hurting.
Now that is my mother, and it is pretty bad on her part what she does, and I am sure that you are doing nothing like that, but it would do you some good to talk directly to your children and ask, hey have I done something wrong, and if so what? Maybe you can fix it, and maybe you can't but communication is the key here.
My mother and I have tried to talk, but she is still such a self person, that she comes up with all kinds of excuses, but I don't stop trying, but I can only take her in small doses.
So call the kids and communicate and I bet you can figure out the problem.
2007-03-10 18:22:47 · answer #2 · answered by trhwsh 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Strangely with mine and my partners family it's the other way around, we never hear from them unless we contact first.
It seems to always be me that gets my family together, we've had a few deaths in the family and now it seems that if I don't contact my brother and uncle we wouldn't see each other.
As for my partners family they are very strange, they will not contact anyone but always leave people to contact them. Even in social situations such as Christmas parties, they'll sit in a corner and wait for people to come over to them for conversations and then even have the cheek if no ones does to moan about it. When I got with my partner 6 years ago I though this was to strange and refused to sit in the corner with them, I just find it embarrassing and so go and talk to people, I'm not sure how well this goes down though. I get annoyed because we are expecting a baby in May and whenever we have any news (like when we found out the sex of the baby) we still have to ring them, we're the first to have a child in the immediate family so I though they might be abit more interested.
My mother-in-law has only visited us once since we moved into our place nearly 3 years ago and my father-in-law only as often as when he picks us up to take us back to theirs. We only see my partners siblings when we go back there as well.
I suppose it's all down to having different and hectic lives (although in my case with both families I think it's just a a case of stubbornness).
2007-03-10 17:43:20 · answer #3 · answered by Bugs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
doesnt sound like youve gone wrong anywhere..you have brought up two independent children who are leading busy lives and one far away from you...i know my mum would love to see me more but life is so hectic, bringing a family up, working etc im sure they love you, and obviously feel very secure that you will always be there, i think that many parents have to ontinue to make the first move for a long time, just dont fall into the trap of saying things like i never see you...just have open arms and enjoy the times they do come and tell them its wonderful to see or hear from them..you soundf like a great mum.x
2007-03-10 17:25:34 · answer #4 · answered by slsvenus 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Kids are like that, they have their own lifes and just don't realize how important it is to keep in touch with family. I call my mother daily and my grandparents daily, where my cousins never speak to their grandparents, or visit, and they live only 10 minutes away. Family is important to me, where other people family is not important where as friends are more. You did nothing wrong, just stop calling them and see how long it takes them to call you, when they do, be upfront, and say "wow took you long enough, I guess its true, you really won't miss me when Im gone" Maybe then they will realize that they need to stay in touch.
2007-03-10 17:29:29 · answer #5 · answered by Proud Mother 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Blimey.. I cant see a problem here. You have brought two miracles into the world.
Raised and taught them exceptionally well. And now they are grown adults raising and teaching their own children your grandchildren, the ways in which they leaned from you.
Bloody well Done.
Ah Children ( damn i hate the word Kids)
Doesn't every parent have this too come ..
Many best Wishes
2007-03-10 19:33:15 · answer #6 · answered by paul h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try to introduce some kind of family reunion: few times a year you have to get together. people get apart because we all have different problems and different timetables with our lives. For me to keep in touch with my family is always Internet. I do know more about them now than I did before. And because of that I can talk on the related things from real life and not just a weather
2007-03-10 17:25:42 · answer #7 · answered by Everona97 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
where did" I " go wrong-"I "have 2 beautiful children--oh and by the way Ihave a husband somewhere too--perhaps they want to be themselves and not you-your question revolves all around you -maybe you are a little too full on for them-try to include others in the conversation as if they matter as well-not just you "I" p.s. this is a serious reply-consider what i have said
2007-03-10 17:30:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should be really proud of yourselves for bring up two children to be independant and happy...... i know it must be hard for you not hearing from them. perhaps a note in the post to voice your concerns would help... do they have the internet? maybe leave emails or theres always text messages....
do not fall into the trap of im not calling you if you dont call me first.... this leads to many a family breakup and is silly....
im a big believer in talking problems through..... a quiet.... mum (or dad) is concerned that you dont contact us often may be enough to help them see that you would like them to stay in touch..
good luck
anna :)
2007-03-10 17:27:17 · answer #9 · answered by in the truth 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My aunt says the same thing about me "Oh, you never visit". Correct. We both work full time, son plays sport Saturday morning and afternoon, and Sunday morning. There's a garden to be looked after and a house to be cleaned.
Oh, I like to have a read of the paper occasionally as well.
2007-03-10 17:24:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋