a little angel lost because of me?

Question

i am 19 and i have had 2 children a little girl and a little boy. my daughter is almost 2 and my son was 91/2 weeks old when he died. see my husband had been staying home with the kids because i wanted to work so he had been putting them to sleep everyday well on a night that i was off work our friends had come over and i decided to dye my hair, it took longer then expected my husband went to bed and i finished up my hair it was about 2:30 or so and my son woke up so we played and he ate and got his diaper changed and he developed a runny nose that night so i proped him up on his side on the couch to sleep and i went to bed i woke up around 9:30 the next morning to find my little angel dead on the couch he had rolled over and suffacated any advice as to how to deal? its only been 5 months and it seems like it was this morning and to top it off i am only aloud to see my daughter during supervised visits

Answer 1

why did you leave a 91/2wk old baby on a couch by himself?. . you should see a couselor also i know when my brother died my mother found a book of other mothers who had lost their kids the same way my mom did ( a car accident) and she said reading other parents going through the same problems helped her know she wasnt alone in this time. .

Answer 2

First, I'm so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what it would be like to lose your children like that. Like all the other people said, seek counseling and rely on a support group. The pain won't ever go away, but as time goes by, it will not be AS bad.

I'm wondering, were you ever given any conditions in which you could get your daughter back? I mean, what happened with your son was an accident. No, you shouldn't have left him on the couch, I'm sure you more than realize that now, but it was a mistake that (sounds like) a lapse in judgement, not a regular pattern of abuse and neglect. Could you attend parenting classes, possibly get your daughter back and be put on notice with the child welfare agency (where they check on you regularly)? Mothers who are addicted to drugs and alcohol, and who engage in illegal activies, are often able to straighten up and earn the right to have their children back. It seems like you should be afforded the same opportunity. If you haven't done so, talk to the child welfare agency in your state about what you can do to have your child back. It may not do anything, but if you take the initiative, it sure can't hurt to ask.

Answer 3

I'm so sorry about the loss of your baby. Another woman from a support group I belong to had a similar thing happen, and her other kids were taken from her too, until they could prove it wasn't neglect or abuse that caused her baby's death. I know some of what you are feeling. I lost my son very unexpectedly last March. I don't have any other kids though. Please seek out a counselor/therapist for yourself. A doctor that specializes in grief counseling would be the best. Consider joining a support group, like the MISS Foundation (online group) or The Compassionate Friends. They can help, because the people there have also experienced the loss of a child. it will take time to grieve. Grief is a process, and a long one at that. It will be a long and painful journey, but you will find relief. You will never stop loving, missing or mourning your precious baby, but you will find that it gets easier and less painful to think of him as time goes on. Please email me if you need to talk.
Also, if you are very into music, try listening to some Tori Amos music. She herself has lost 3 babies, and her music expresses many of the emotions that you are probably feeling. Her music helped me to let loose and cry when needed. It's been very healing.
Again, I'm so sorry for the loss of your little angel.

Answer 4

I do not know the words to say that could make you feel better. There is a griefing stage u most go thru and that is what you are doing in your own way. I felt like crying just reading what happen so u are hurting more than i will ever know. I pray that God will give u the strength when u are weak and the love of others that love u with hugs and kisses to let u know that u are loved.

Answer 5

Get some councelling. Must be a hard thing to deal with, but you have a daugther that you need to work towards getting back.
Just a question though, why would you leave a child unattended on a couch? Sounds like a dumb place to leave a child to sleep. What if he fell off? I know your going through a lot but my god, didn't you realize before you put him on the couch that it wasn't a good place for him to sleep? Sorry for being so forward about this but how can any parent do that to their child? I could never leave my child on the couch and go to bed, that is why they make cribs, so they are safe, so they can't roll out of them.

Answer 6

Child neglection is a serious thing, no one that puts their child in danger should have the right to see there children unsupervised. The fact that a life was lost is horrible, and learning from your mistake is hard. Your young and it's hard to imagine having 2 children at your age. The question I have to ask is why? Why would you place him on the couch and not in his crib. Having a baby is a huge responsability and if you couldn't look after him at that moment, then you should have gotten your husband. Never leave a child somewhere when they are in any chance of becoming indangered. Nothing could have prepared you for this, loosing two children and trust. Learn from your mistake, nothing will ever take away the regret you feel, just admit to yourself that you made a mistake and that supervised visits, are only for the best interest of your daughter.

Sorry for your lose, my prayers are with you, your family, and your son.

Answer 7

You unfortunately are not the only mom this has happened to.
This same tradegy happens time and time again to parents who dont realize what a risk this can be to a very young infant.
You didnt intentionally harm him, it was a horrible mistake and one that cant be undone. You thought you were helping him I would guess - due to the runny nose. I am so sorry this happened to you and your family and now you are separated from your other child as well. I hope you are getting some counseling and do what dss asks so you can be reunited w your daughter as soon as possible.

Answer 8

I don't know what to say really except accidents happen. You can be the best parents and these things can happen. I don't know exactly the circumstances but you have to forgive yourself and remember that there is still others counting on you like your little girl. There are a lot of children that die from suffocation or crib death and unless you as a parent stay awake all night watching them, there is little other that you can do. I would recommend just talking to family, friends, a therapist if you need to so you yourself can heal. Focus on your daughter and her health and don't forget about yours. Hang in there. :)

Answer 9

first thing you did not kill your son he died it is sad and i am sorry but you can not take the blame the stupid people are trying to place on you

my daughter died at 2 months old of SIDS and people told me it was my fauly

you have to get help for yourself if you do not you will never get over this my life was a mess for 4 years before i got help and your other child needs you right now and they will give your other child back to you when they feel you can handle taking care of her

if you would like to talk to a mom that has been there feel free to contact me

"hugs" i feel for you and your daughter

Answer 10

I'm so sorry for what has happened in your life. I have never been through this situation so I am afraid I can not offer any good advice except you may need to see a counselor. I wish you the best.

Answer 11

omg, i cant even imagine what yur going thru.
i think i would die if something happened to my baby!!!
but i dont think its fair yu cant see yur daughter, it was an accident.
i wish i could help you on how to cope with the situation but i dont know what to say, i have never been thru that and pray that i never will but i do hope yu find the strenght to realize it was an accident and to eventually move forward in yur life and i really hope things work out and yu get yur daughter back!