why are people so against young marriages?

Question

I am 17 and getting married July 7th 3 weeks before my 18th birthday, my parents are signing for me to get married because this is what I really want. I asked a question before about if people thought I was too young and people were really harsh. I don't understand why people are so against young people marrying. I am getting married for the right reason and that is that my fiance and I are very much in love. I am not pregnant and I don't just want to have sex. Which are two reasons why people assume we are marrying. I would really just like to know why people are so against this.

I understand that the divorce rate is high but that doesn't mean that every single couple who gets married young will get divorced. I have been raised that once you marry you do not get divorced and I do not belive in divorce.

Answer 1

The divorse rates are so high that people assume you'll get divorced. But if you're mature and will actually commit to eachother for life and not till you get bored then you should be alright. Just know that you WILL grow more as a person as well as your fiance. The trick is to grow together and not appart. It will definately take a lot of work and may seem too tough to handle. But if you are serious about the love of your life and have God wathcing over you, you'll be fine. Make sure you guys help eachother in areaching your goals you shouldn't have to give up a dream career you shoudl help achieve it. Don't worry too much about what other people think- do what you know is right. Your parents, finace, and yourself know you better than anyone else.
Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 2

There is still a lot for you to learn about yourself, about life, and about love. People assume that getting married at such a young age, AND YOU ARE, you are not giving yourself the opportunity to learn more about those things. They are important lessons in life and the more you know about each one of them, the better your chances are at a successful marriage.

I'm sure that most of the people who responded in your first question were over the age of 17, have experienced life, have been married, and have an overall knowledge of the high divorce rate that plagues this country. Did you really think they were going to be happy when another possible statistic just asked them how they feel about the situation? It's life's general experiences that educate us.

I wish you luck, I really do! I hope you get an opportunity to still experience new things and this marriage doesn't 'hold' you back in any way. I'm sure your love for your future husband is valid. I just pray you both continue with your plans to become the best people you can be by getting good educations, good jobs, being financially set before babies come into picture, and you get to travel and explore.

Best Wishes!!



*****EDIT TO YOUR ADDITIONAL DETAILS: You are accurate when you say not EVERY young couple gets a divorce but here's the thing.....I don't know ANYONE who gets married with divorce already on their mind. No one believes it will happen to them. I believe in trying to work it out before you decide to get divorced but what happens when you two have changed so much (because of your young ages) that you are no longer compatible? Do you stay married because that's how you were raised??? *****

Answer 3

People are aprehensive about young people getting married because so many parts of your life change between the ages of 18-25. I know that I wanted to get married at 19, but didn't. Now I'm completely glad I didn't because I changed and realized what a jerk my boyfriend was and could see how my life would have turned out. And even if he hadn't been a loser, I'm not even close to the same person I was then. I have had a lot of different life experiences that I wouldn't have had if I would have gotten married when I thought I was ready. My mom was 17 when her and my dad got married (with no reasons except they loved eachother) and have been married for 30 years. I can't give you any jugdements but listen to your heart and your head before you marry. If this is what you believe in your heart is right, then congrats! I wish you a wonderful and long life together.

Answer 4

Well, the first question you asked opened you up to negative answers. Most people are against young marriages for many different reasons. I think the most common reason is that people usually mature more during their first few years of adulthood than any other point in their life. Yes, you have experienced alot in the 17 years you have been alive but being an adult is something that takes alot of adjustment, it can change you, make you different than you are now.

This doesn't mean you can't get married at a young age but most people would like to find themselves before they commit to a marriage. Marrage is hard work, you are not taking care of just yourself anymore, it's two people who have to work hard to work together.

I was engaged at 17 to a guy who was 4 years older than me (I'm now 21 and getting married to a different person), I ended up breaking off the engagement because he wanted me to be a different person that I am. He wanted to get married right after my high school graduation and start having kids right away, he also did not want me to go to college. Now looking back, I know I wasn't ready to get married because I have become a different, better person than I was back then. I know our situations are not the same but I thought I would share my experience with you.

The main point is not everyone is going to agree with you on the subject. There is always going to be people against young marriages and that will not change. People will assume things about you that aren't true for the rest of your life, that's the flaw of having an opinion. The only thing you can do is not worry about what everyone else thinks, do what is right for you. If you worry about other people accepting your age at marriage then your focus is in the wrong place. When you ask for someone's opinion be prepared for answers you won't like. Everyone's idea of marriage is different but the only one that matters is you and your fiancee's because you will be living your life not everyone else. Good luck and congrats.

Answer 5

Late in teens and early in 20's people tend to feel like they know a lot and are mature. If you look back later, though, you realize that you didn't know as much as you thought. It could be that you and your fiance are really in love and will grow into a happy couple in your 90's. I hope that's what you become, but it's more likely that you won't. People change, circumstances change, and what feels like forever might not be.

Personally, one of my cousins got married when she was 17. She and her bf were sure they were in love- they wanted to get married and if their parents didn't let them they were going to wait until they were 18 and run away. Both sets of parents relented and after making sure the couple wouldn't go hungry living in a cardboard box, the two got married when my cousin was 17 1/2. They were divorced by the time they were 18. I'm not the only one who knows someone who married young and regreted it, or who married young themselves. People are just warning you so you don't become like my cousin.

Answer 6

I think I responded to your initial question also and tried to get you to understand how important a good education is at your age instead of marriage. I wonder if you live with your parents at the present? Probably so. I would implore you to try being independent for a period of time before you marry. You're just changing caretakers basically. Secondly, I would like to ask what are your future plans after the marriage? Do they include education or just beginning a life of working at the local grocery store or burger joint? These are things to think about before you marry. What are your goals in life other than marrying your boyfriend? Do you have any? I understand that the two of you are very much in love now, but what about 3 years from now? If you have all this turmoil in your mind now about marriage what is it going to be then?
I'm about to be 48 years old, fixing to marry for the third time, married my first husband at 19, raised two children basically alone, worked a full time job at low wages...get the picture? I'm not saying you will follow in my footsteps but who's to say you won't if you marry at 17? With no real goals set for your life?
As I said before, you have the whole world at your feet, enjoy being free and independent for a while before tying yourself down to a marriage. Sow you oats, feel the sand between your toes, get your hair wet!!! You'll be better off for doing it now than when you turn 30 and realize you missed out on alot of things in your youth.
Again, good luck for a successful and happy life!!

Answer 7

Wow..we have similar situations. I got married 4 months before I turned 18. Most people also assumed I was pregnant and a few told me to my face it wouldn't last. It was very difficult being married so young. My husband and I kind of grew up together in a sense. It's not going to be easy but you can do it. Good Luck!

Answer 8

Maybe most people would rather see a woman become idependent before committing to marriage. It's really empowering to know you can take care of yourself.

Another reason may be that marriage can be tough enough when you're a mature experienced adult, so why not get some years of experience under your belt?

Lastly, I think we've all heard the whining and moaning from the women who "got married and had children too young," find it quite a bore to listen to, and are hoping to disway you from becoming one of those women.

Best of luck to you, please just don't ever complain about getting married too young.

Answer 9

I believe that it isn't about the numerical age, but about the amount maturity. But some adults do have a point. Think about it. You are still 17/18, i am assuming you have not gone to college yet. College does take up a lot of time, and then what about your career? I am not saying that your spouse will hold you back or anything, but i am saying that you might not have time for the marriage.
But if you think that you can handle it, and you are willing to put up with the sacrifices that come along with marriage, then go for it.

Answer 10

Im 24 years old which does not seam alot older then you but you change more in the years between 18-23 then any time in your life. I know right now you probolly think you know everything, i did too. Belive me when you get older, and work full-time to support yourself and get out into the world you will change. You should just be engaged for a few years if you love him, so you still get the ring and the decloration of love but that gives you time to grow-up more.