Mothers of teenage daughters Please! How can I get my own mother to stop being so overprotective?

Question

I feel trapped by my own mother. I have friends of my own age but feel as though I never get to go out. I understand that she loves me and doesn't want me to get hurt, but I wish it were different. I do not do drugs, I don't have sex, and I don't smoke or drink. I'm not really planning to either. I have no history of doing any of those things. I'm 15 years old, and a 3.8 average student. I understand that I am kind of pretty, which could make me a target for some things. She won't let me even have a myspace, even set on private. I'm not allowed to take the city bus after about 5, even though I don't get home until 4:20 on a school day. She won't drive me places because she is too busy or because I ask her to drive me that day. When I ask to go places a week ahead of time, she says she doesn't know because it's too early for her to know. I've tried to explain to her that I feel trapped, but she just brings up excuses about bad people in the world. Please help.

Answer 1

I had a friend WAYY back in high school that had the same kind of mother. It just sounds like she's having trouble letting go a little. Imagine how hard it is on her? You're her BABY! She wants to protect you. I'll agree with her that the world is a little scary out there, but hiding from it is no answer. Have you told her how you feel? And I don't mean in that typical teenage kinda way. But really look into her eyes and have a one on one with her. Start with a small request and give her time to adjust to the change before asking for something else. If she does let go a little..do NOT screw it up. Make sure she knows she can trust you. Explain to her what a GREAT job she's done as a parent and it's time for you to get to "test drive" some things that she's taught you. Give her a hug and let her know how much you love and appreciate all that she does for you. Does she know that you don't do drugs, have sex, smoke, drink? Reassure her. Let her know that you are more than ready to be a little more independent. I read a book a while back (I wish I could remember the name of it now, but I'm drawing a blank) and it talked about how, at a certain age, parents should try to become more of a consultant than a manager. I liked that idea, I hope I can apply it when my own girls reach your age lol.

Good luck, you sound like a wonderful person. Your mom has done a great job!

You might try printing out your responses to this question and letting her read them..

Answer 2

You might want to set an appointment to talk with her. Asking her for an appointment lets her know that you have something serious you want to discuss. Start with the argument you've laid out here. Back it up with visuals like your report card and maybe a contract form saying you promise not to do drugs, drink or have sex.

Then ask for a little more freedom at first. Maybe being able to be out until 6. Or a confirmation that maybe every other Saturday she'll be available to drive you where you want to go.

You'll have better luck if she knows your friends and knows that they are good, levelheaded kids too. Make sure she gets to know them by inviting them over to your house sometimes.

Answer 3

It seems that parents are stricter on girls than boys, I've never had it hard though. She just loves you, but maybe she is overboard a little. Talk to a school counselor.

Answer 4

Be thankful you have a good mom that cares and is looking out for your best interest. One day when you were older you will be able to thank her for it. For now, trust and respect her.

Good luck!

Answer 5

Do you have an aunt or uncle that can help you explain to your mother how you feel.

Answer 6

Trust her, respect her and soon she might lighten up. Be thankful she cares.