soon to be a single parent?

Question

Me and my ex boyfriend are expecting a girl later this september. He's pressuring me to get an abortion iam about 3 months pregnant. I have always been honest with him and told him he is not responsible for this child iam more than capable of taking care of this child on my own. He's afraid to tell his parents about the pregnancy because of their poor health. He says if i don't get an abortion he'll have to cut ties with his family and stay here. He feels iam trying to trap him and his family which is so ridiculous because if i wanted to tell his parents i could have done that a long time ago. Now i feel if i don't get an abortion done he would have no choice but to tell his parents. Iam 26 and i think its right time to have a child he's 29 well educated but doesn't want to take any responsibility. We used to date three years ago and broke up about 2 years ago whatever happenned b.w. us was a mistake but its no fault of the child. What do you guys think of the situation? any suggestion

Answer 1

This child choose the two of you to be it's parents, to affect your lives in the ways it was supposed to. At 3 months and your desire to have a family - You should continue forward and not worry about your Ex obvious immaturity issues. You should tell him that you will handle things for your child as best as you are able and then when he has time to think about it - he can be apart of things. Having Sex opened up the possibility for this situation and he had Part in it....I think this child regardless of his actions/inactions right now is to help him GROW up. I wish you great courage & blessings on your journey but don't live with HIS regrets & fear...listen to your heart.

While you may want to consider it....as time grows closer you might think of talking to his parents and letting them know they have a grand on the way, and that while their son has been struggling with accepting things - you want them to know they are welcome to be apart of both of your lives. It's only fair and reasonable.

Answer 2

OH, I am sorry to here that he is selfish. Yes have the child. If you are 3 months pregnant and 26 years old this could be your last chance if you abort. Who knows. Everyone needs to know. You should get rid of this problem your X is causing because you are pregnant and you need positive people around. This pregnancy could bring his parents back to life. He is using excuses that are not making any sense. Maybe he will come to his census because the child should know his daddy. If he continues in this way let him go his own way. He is going to pay child support make sure you get that DNA. Having a baby is a blessing and you need to think about yourself and the child. Don't worry be happy.

Answer 3

Have him sign a legal form called forfiture of parental rights and tell him to get lost and out of your life. Then you can have your child and he can go on his merry way. Never let anyone pressure you into anything that you feel is wrong for you. The emotional toll of an abortion is bad enough if it is your own choice but to have one against your will would be much worse. He obviously isn't very responsible. Hopefully in time you will meet a man who will want to be a husband and dad. There is a big difference in a father and a dad. Anybody man can father a child but it takes a special man to be a dad.

Answer 4

The time to decide that you don't want to be a parent is BEFORE you have unprotected sex. He knew the risks when he didn't use a condom just like you knew when you didn't use birth control.

YOU are the only one who can make the decision concerning YOUR body...It is you who will have the abortion - not him. It is YOU who will carry the child and give birth if you decide to... It is ONLY your decision. Don't let him con you with that crapola about his parents. He is a 29 year old adult who can make his own decisions. If his parents get upset - that is not YOUR concern. He can explain to them it was HIS foolishness....

Your concern is the child you are carrying. Do you want to have a baby or not. Those are the only concerns you have...this is a life-altering decision no matter what you decide - and it will affect YOU for the rest of your life.

If he doesn't want the responsibility of a child - good.... just go to court, get child support and kick him to the curb. He is a rat.

Another think to think about; if you have the child, he will have the right to visit if he decides to be active in the childs life. He will have to pay child support either way - the choice of visitation is his decision to make.

Don't let anyone pressure you into anything...You make up your own mind about your own body.

Answer 5

Don't listen to him and don't abort the child because of his insecurities. He is a man for goodness sake not a child. I don't really know if I would want him to be a part of this child's life with that kind of attitude. I mean it is not like you are 15 and 18 and have no direction in life. That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard...."he will have to cut ties". I know I don't know the whole situation but lose him but not the baby!!!!

Answer 6

Whether YOU are capable of managing withou financial support from him for your child doesn't enter into the big picture. He made a choice to unzip his pants and pull down his drawers, so he is responsible for his actions..he is almost 30 years old...time for him to grow up. Back to the child support, that support is NOT for you, it is for the child and whether you use it when you get it or not doesn't matter...it is for the child and even though you can afford things now think about later on when this child is college bound...You SAY you are college educated...well are you aware that when this child reaches college age tuition will have mulitplied just about 10 fold? And in the light of more and more lenders requiring student loans to be paid off within a year of graduation, and fewer scholarships being handed out, would it be nice to have an account your child can dip into to pay for "extras"...like books...in 18 the cost of books is going to go way up as well...I know they're not cheap even now (I've had to pay for my own books) so in another 18 years it's going to be difficult just to pay for ONE book. Why would you not want to give your child every oppritunity? You say it's not the fault of the child then why MAKE it the fault of the child? File for child support, your "boyfriend" is no longer a boy...he's a MAN and he'd better start owning up to his responsilbities.

Answer 7

If having this child is what you really want than have it. Make sure you are more than ready to take responsibilty for a life that isn't your own. The father of my son wants nothing to do with him and I'm totally fine with it. I found happiness and he is love by many. Father's parents does not know of my son and sometimes I think that is best. I fear they may want to take him away. Be ready for this baby. I am not saying you shouldn't have a choice, but this is your flesh and blood. If you think you can love this child and give it a great life then have it. Understanding that it is his baby too but if he cant be a man and tell his parents then it's not your problem, don't you agree? I guess it's just you and your baby. Believe me, it's not bad.

Answer 8

Tell your ex boyfriend this, most parents like to know they will be grandparents. Even if you are not marry or together, it;s a good thing.
You always can tell his mother
You do not have to get an abortion. He is legally responsible for the child, you can get child support
Have you child. Tell him he's a daddy. He has six months to get use to the idea.
That is the best for a child. Grandparents are blessing in a child life
Good luck

Answer 9

If you do not want an abortion, do not have one. If your ex-boyfriend does not want responsibility, it is too late. He will have to pony up and at least pay child support but do not be forced into an abortion if you do not want one. What about putting the child up for adoption? I tell you with confidence that if you take such a drastic step as to have an abortion when you don't want one, you will heap guilt upon yourself for the rest of your life. You need to take him out the the equation and do what is best for you. Take one minute or ten minutes and think about what is best for you. He will be gone in sixty seconds regardless of what you do, this is about only what is best for you!

Answer 10

Don't let him pressure you into aborting your pregnancy. What he's doing is trying to throw down the guilt trips on you because the thought that he would have to become a responsible human being scares him. Whatever decision he has to make regarding his parents is beyond you. They have lived thier lives, your unborn child has not. You will be a wonderful mother without him.