Im playing it cold to see if he cares? He is not responding? Now what?

Question

So before i settle down with someone I want to know how they handle the hard stuff. I have been stressed out and let him know family drama was getting to me and I wasn't mad at him but that i might be cranky for a couple days and I apologized ahead of time. He listed to my whine about it told me he was sorry and he loved me. When I got grumpy and needed space he took it personally. That made things worse. Going downhill since then. I think he has given up trying and we talked the other day. I think he is moving on and hoping I will leave. He said he wants me to be happy the other day. I am happy with him except for that I get irritated when i do all the dishes n trash and house cleaning all the time after his friends and then when im done he says oh i would have done that. Like what?? then do it already don't use that cop out. I let it go and said it was fine i always do but it bugs me and he knows it so why doesn't he help. Thats all i don't like about us...small. How do i get him bac

So he played it cold cause he thought I was and I didn't mean to but apparently I am hot and cold all the time I don't even know it. Like if I am not chatting his ear off every five seconds and laughing all the time he thinks i am pissed at him and always asks me if I am ok and whats wrong. Then sometimes when I am a chatterbox he just toons me out anyway so like why should i talk if it isn't something that interests him he isn't going to listen anyways. I made the mistake out of frustration to see if he cared and was cold to him. Now he lies about getting off work early and doesn't get home till the usual time. Carries an extra shirt around with him, shaves in the evenings while i am at work, is vague about his day while i was gone and i find out he went to the movies, and dinner, and was gone for like 6 hours. He had a conversation with a girl(he doesnt have friends that are girls) and i think it was flirting. His friends r weird to me they work together. I don't trust him what to do

Answer 1

You only need to know that if someone truly cares about you, they will always come back. You don't have to lift a finger, but you do have to be respectful, kind and loving when they do come back. Don't abuse their love.

Answer 2

First of all you need to express yourself a little more through words rather than actions. Believe it or not men don't always know why we're in moods(even though they should by now). And you are letting him get away with his excuses as to why he didn't help out by not jumping on the bandwagon first; meaning ask him to do it before hand and give him the chance to correct it. This way his excuse is pretty invalid when he sees you upset...cause that means then not only is he inconsiderate of your request..he is consciously ignoring it. Playing it cold never has worked for me...I think you should also try letting him be a part of the stress and mayhem in your life, maybe he feels like you don't trust him with your feelings..bottom line more communication...you'll find your answer there.

Answer 3

First of all "playing it cold" is going to lose the guy every time. Nobody wants to play games. Let him know that you miss him and that you want to be with him. I'm sure that things will go well from there. As far as the cleaning goes, you've told him that you don't like all of those chores so now you should stop running to do them. Let him come and clean up instead of jumping on it as soon as his friends leave. Of course you can offer assistance but only after he has started on it.

Answer 4

You are expecting a lot here - and not being straight about it. You are making experiments and playing games instead of saying what you want and expect, and standing for consequences.

Guys cannot read your mind. They take time to train. And they can get upset and walk away if you cannot communicate well about your emotions and you dump on them. What a man does in emotional difficulty is be on his own. So that is what he is letting you do until it looks like the cloud over you has gone away.

You need to be explicit in your feelings, needs, and wants, and not expect him to read your mind or understand things you have not fully explained.

Answer 5

Talk with him ASAP and be straight about everything... or show him this question to break the ice and open up the lines of communication. Don't consider the conversation as resolved until all his and your questions about this are answered. Good luck.

Answer 6

if the person you love treats you well and doesnt play head games...thats what counts. that's whats important. you will clean the dishes together so the house doesnt get bugs and germs. if your loved one died tomorrow...who cares about the dishes? how was the moments you spent together? were they happy? were they sad? that what you will remember..not the damn dishes. peace

Answer 7

If you want him to help out then tell him. I know it sounds redundant but we males need to hear it. He loves you but probably feels the same way you do and you both need to communicate to make your relationship work.

Answer 8

How to get him back...seduce him. If you really want to keep him, put up w/ his crap & don't complain. No one wants to be around someone who's always nagging. Tell him to pitch in, but if he won't, then leave his share of the load alone. If it bothers you that much, then just leave him & don't look back.

Answer 9

This one is pretty easy.

Instead of simply cleaning it up yourself ask him:

"Pet name (honey, sweetie, whatever) can you give me a hand cleaning up?"
He'll start to help clean.
Then you walk away. (Say you have to go to the bathroom or something, bring in a book.)

He'll end up cleaning up the rest of his mess himself.

Answer 10

this is not a healthy relationship... face it.. and move on, only next time dont play mind games with people.. and communicate with each other