How the hell can I get my baby to sleep through the night??? HELP!?

Question

Hello. I have a 15 month old boy who refuses to go through the night. He was initially breastfed on demand and we coslept. I changed to formula at 7 months due to health reasons and tried to get him to sleep in his cot, which he would do happily from 8pm until around midnight when he would wake and i would feed him a take him to my bed. I took the initiative and started to make him sleep in his own bed all night, which was successful. I continued to bottle feed throughout the night until recently I noticed that his daytime eating was suffering so the health visitor told me to stop his night time bottles. Only problem was that they were the only thing sending him back to sleep, so now he sleeps until around 1am, then I refuse to give him anything but water (which he pushes away) but he cries for so long i have to take him to bed with me, where he sleeps fine so he doesn't need the milk, but he won't sleep in his own bed without the milk ..... ARGGGHHH!!! Please someone help!!

I can't let him cry it out, i don't want him to feel like i have abandoned him, he won't understand why I am doing it. I let him cry it out while i am there with him so he knows i on't abandon him but it is relentless. I have considered sleeping next to his cot for a while so he knows i'm there until he gets used to it?

He has never taken to a dummy but i could try introducing it at night times?

Answer 1

Put him down as normal and when he wakes up, go into him, but don't talk or turn the light on, or offer him milk/water.
As soon as he quietens down, put him down and walk out. You then have to wait 1 minute, if he is still fussing, go back and repeat. Next time wait 2 minutes, then 4 minutes, then 8 etc. That way he knows that you are going back, but he should eventually get the idea that his crying is not getting immediate reward.
Plus, I think you have to be really tough and under no circumstances take him into your bed. All you are doing is reinforcing that if he cries long enough you will give in to what he wants. Kids are clever like that.
I can understand you not wanting to just leave him to cry, we tried that with my son, he cried for 20 minutes and was sick. We used this method with both my son and daughter, and although it may take a week or so, it is worth it in the end.

Answer 2

Make sure your son is well fed, has a clean diaper, you've given him baby gas medicine, etc. before putting him down for bed. I say gas medicine because a lot of times my son would wake up because he was gassy and needed to burp. When he starts to cry, go in his room, but don't pick him up. Put your hand on his back, rub his hair, etc. Comfort him, sing to him (very softly, even if his cries almost drown you out) or tell him a story, just let him hear your voice and let him know you are there and that he's o.k. He wakes up at that time because he is used to it, think about it: If you consistently wake up at 8 am, even if you try to sleep in you find yourself staring at the clock at 8 am. The trick is to get him to go back to sleep asap. Don't even give him water, no bottle, nothing at all but your voice. I understand not being able to hear them cry (it's heartbreaking!), so I did occasionally pick him up just long enough to calm him a little bit, maybe 30 seconds, then put him right back down. It will be hard, and if you need to, step out of the room for 5 minutes and breathe! You will get frustrated, but babies can sense that so take a calming break as often as you need to, and realize that soon enough you will both be sleeping through the night.

Answer 3

Try the Gina Ford 'complete sleep guide for babies and toddlers'. I think his day time sleep and food must play a big part and 15 months old he should have short nap around 9.30am for no more then 30 mins and a no more then 2 hour nap at 12.30am and 1pm. I would never take a bottle away you have to water it down and do it gradually as they don't understand why and they still may be hungry as they have to slowly get use to eating more solids during the day. Try this book it will really help.

Answer 4

We had the same problem with our daughter but when we had another baby we realised we could not let her sleep with us anymore so what we did was. We would every night give her a warm bottle of milk and would make sure she went to bed awake and she was left to cry at the stair gate on her door. After ignoring her for ten minutes she closed the door and got back in bed. Then in the middle of the night she woke and we ignored her again after 5 minutes she got back in bed and slept through. After a couple of nights she would go to bed without a problem and now sleeps through the night till about half six when we feel it is ok for her to come in. I know it is hard to let them cry but if you ignore him he will resliase that you are not playing

Answer 5

Everytime you wait a while, you are teaching him that if he cries long enough, you will cave and bring him to bed with you! They are VERY manipulative!!!!! I know I too co-slept with both my boys and breastfed them. The best thing to do is resolve to suck it up and let them cry it out! It's terrible at first, I stayed outside my oldest door and cried with him the first night, but after a couple of nights of it, he went right off to sleep! THROUGH THE WHOLE NIGHT!!!!!!! Giving him milk at night will rot his teeth too so that's not a good idea either! Water is fine though, put the bottle (or sippy cup) in bed when he goes to sleep so he doesn't have to wake up and look for it! Good Luck!

Answer 6

As someone once said 'Advice is something you ask for when you know the answer but wish you didn't'

You know what you need to do - he is screaming because he gets his way in the end. By giving in and taking him into your bed you are teaching him that if he screams loudly enough and for long enough he gets his own way.

It is so hard, I know. I'm a father of 2 and have learned (the hard way) that sometimes you have to bite the bullet and just stick it out until he gets the message. We had a similar thing getting out boy off of his dummy (pacifier) in the end they all went in the bin and we had 3 days of crying - then - fine!

Kids are very good at making you feel terrible but please don't keep giving in or all he will learn is that all you need to do to get what you want is scream!

Do you think the milk is causing him an upset tummy? if so try Cow and Gate Omnio comfort milk - worked great for my sister in laws boy.

Answer 7

Not sure what professionals would think of this but we have been using Medised (just 5ml) before bedtime and then again after about 5/6 hours (if he wakes again), broke the waking pattern with our first and we are now trying it again on our second. By the way, should only take 3 or 4 nights, def don't keep doing this as a permanent solution.

Answer 8

My son was exactly the same. I would put him to bed asleep and when he woke in the early hours i would have him in with me. But i met someone and realised that this couldn't go on. You gotta be tough and change this. With my son who was also 15 months we did the rapid return process which in-tailed us just putting him back to bed and leaving him to cry. It nearly broke my heart to hear him crying but i stayed strong as i knew he wasn't hurt etc just angry. The first night it was nearly an hour but this gradually reduced but kids are different. You don't make any eye contact or speak to them and they soon realise that there is nothing to wake up for. We always made sure he had a bottle of water in his room just in case. I know it sounds harsh but he has got used to waking and you giving in and taking him to your bed. He has become dependant on the co sleeping. You really need to persevere as trust me it worked with my son who now goes to bed at 7.30pm and wakes at 7am the next day no fuss, it didn't do him any harm. Good luck, i hope you get a breakthrough

Answer 9

i did have the same problem with my daughter but now at 15 months she is sleeping in her own bed from 7.30pm to 8am and doesnt wake up at all!
The secret is to leave his last bottle of milk untill he is in his cot and then let him drink it there on his own. when u go to bed check if he has any milk left in his bottle( by this time he should be fast asleep) if he has none left fill it up a bit and then leave it in his cot where he can find it ( it may also help introducing a dummy for a while to get him used to this routine). This worked like a dream for me as isabella realised that i didnt have to be there for her to get her milk and slowly there was more and more milk left in her bottle each morning as she didnt really need it she just wanted the attention.
Good luck and i know it is hard to hear them crying but it isnt abanding him he knows that if he cries you will go to him. but as soon as you tell him or show him that you wont he will get fed up of crying as its a tiring job.

Answer 10

Is his weight fine? If so, just give him the milk at night when he wants it.

Milk is a perfectly good food, and it's okay if he doesn't eat a lot of solids as long as he is not overeating in general.

You had a process that worked, and then you broke it. I say it didn't need to change as it was less disruptive for everyone.

Sheesh, my 26-year old daughter eats ice cream or drinks milk at bedtime or in the middle of the night. It helps her sleep well, and she's perfectly healthy, well-adjusted and wears a size 0 pants.