I told my wife I had slept with another woman. She wants to sleep with another man. What shall I do?

Question

I bekieve she doesn't realy love me. We married in a hurry coz her visa was expiring, and she would have to go back to Kenya. I was hooked. She has very strange answers when questioned regarding her maners toward men, and she becomes agressive, psychologicaly, whenever we talk about her behaviour with men and about she drinking toooooo much: 4 or 5 days a week and not less than 3 liters beer or 1 liter wine.

After a big argument awhile under some beers, both of us, she used some words to nulify me as a being. I was violent and left. Wen to a bar, met a woman and got layed. Stupidily I did without 'rubber' and I couldn't make love to my wife, after this, without a rubber. I love her and I couldn't hide it no more from her, so I confessed. I went to a STD and HIV/AIDS test but HIV/AIDS, they do it only after 3 months.

She told me she wanted to go out, to have some beers, alone and to think. I understood, and said ok.

Four hours later, something was telling me to go for her. I dressed up our 2 year old boy and I went for her. I surprised har embraced to a German who was also embracing her and touching her.

I became like fire but could control myself. They told me that they were just having fun (as if I would be blind) and nothing else. She told me that she had been alone and the guy came with a friend and she asked the news paper and told him that I had cheated on her. What to expect? The guy aproched and the all story started. He promised her a job and 'they were getting to know each other, coz in Germany, one can only get a job with relationships.'
Well I got her to my table and she told me to leave coz I was disturbing her new friendship, her new relationship in order to get a job. She added that the guy is wonderfull and if in the future she would come to feel something for him... she will **** him.
The guy drinks every day at this bar, afternoons. I work untill 19:30. I don't trust her.

I will be working and she will be *******.

WHY DOES ANYBODY WANT TO COMMIT THE VEEERY SAME ERROR? She doesn't really love me, is all I can think. I was honest enough to tell her what happened. It is the first time in three years we are married. With my first late wife, we were toghether 18 years and I never slept out.

We married in Denmark and for Germany that marriage is valid and it is enough. But I didn't register the marriage in my consulate as I am not German. So she is smiling at me telling me that I should not expect her to make love to me - which I understand - but two days ago she asked me: Am I trully, completely yurs? Do you want to live with me frever? Smething that could help to make peace, because I don't like when you tell my sister that you didn't register the marriage. If Yes, then let's register the marriage on Monday. I agreed, but then I realised her reach and said: It is not the best time to do it. I want to see you behaveing like a spouse. I know she won't behave like one and Monday I am going for technical advice. But I wanted to see what you guys think of it coz it is very strange to me this all story.

There are many many things I could tell you. You may check my questions and get the one before this if you want to know more.

THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH.

Yu have to realise that I had decided to leave. I didn't wanted her anymore. But then the feelings came again and I came home while she was at her sister and the following night she slept at an old Kenyan woman with the sister (alcoholic, separated from a Belgian, was once single mother in Kenya) while I came home. I reflected, regreted what I did and then she came back. Two days later I confessed.

nightman122554

I just did what you said, the mment I confessed. Confession is repentingness. I DID IT.

What would be the point to confess if I wouldn't love her????!

There are so many best answers that it becomes veeeeeeeeery difficult to chose the Best one.
I want to take this chence for you guys to have taken your time and answered my question.
We will go separate ways. I will do whatever it takes to have custody of our son So far I already quit drinking. Again, THANX A HUGE.

Answer 1

that's your KARMA for sleeping with another woman...now you know how painful it could be ;>

Answer 2

Haven't you heard of the expression two wrongs don't make it right. Well marriage is not about competing with each other for who can get "layed" first. You are both enjoying hurting one another, that's not being a man or a woman for that matter. Plus you have a 2 year old involved. Imagine how he will feel when he's all grown up. It seems to me both you and your wife needs to find out about what marriage really is, and what the word commitment means. Checking yourself for AIDS/STD/HIV that was a good move, maybe then both of you will realize that this "teenager" game can possibly reap the consequences of an orphaned child.

Answer 3

First of all both of you sit and decide as to why are you together when each of you want to have it done with someone else. Secondly if you find any reason to be together on long term basis go to some councilar and look for some sensible advise. Her reaction can also be a knee jerk reaction to the fact that you broke the vow. She do not seems to be mature enough to handle this crisis in her life and therefore wants to get even with you by kicking you at the same place where you hit her. First find out the real reason for her reaction and then decide as to what to do.

Answer 4

You both evidently don't love each other, because you don't even think about other people besides actually having an affair if you love someone enough to marry them. The best thing you can both do is get divorced and before you decide to commit to anyone else - learn what a marital commitment means. Too many people say their wedding vows like they're reading words out of a book of fiction.

Answer 5

I think you both need to think about what this is doing to your son.
Knock the drink on the head, both of you. Its the best thing you will ever do, how can either of you be responsible for a child when you have been drinking or are hungover?
You both clearly have some issues which you need to resolve.
You need drink counselling and marraige counselling and if you cant be bothered to do that together then there is nothing worth saving and its better for your child if you go your separate ways.

Answer 6

In my opinion, nothing will change until you both get counseling and get rid of the drinking problem. Or just get counseling for yourself and find out why you chose a woman like this. Next time - no drinking problem! At least be thankful you dont have kids together to make it more complicated. Better days are ahead of you if you make the move to grow. All the best.

Answer 7

How can you say that you love your wife and then sleep with some one else even if you only got married to get her a visa you still took the same vows as people who marry for love, What do you know about this woman you slept with ?? you could have given your wife AIDS. Why do men only think with the contents of there pants?????

Answer 8

this confession may be good for your soul but is it any good to your parents life.. one thing is that you say that you are 100% sure you found a condom wrapper you are either sure or your not ??? do you have an older brother or sister that could have used the condom ??? .. the other thing is what if your parents have an open relationship that you dont know about he plays when she is away and so does she when she is away !!!!!... there is one more thing i think you should consider if you take the advise of this site and tell your mam its you that has to live with it not the person who said that you should tell her so think about that long and hard before you possibly destroy what is a strong marriage,but if you know 100% that your dad did cheat then tell him that if it happens again you will tell your mam... i have one more thing to say what if your dad is closet gay guy ??? i think that would hurt your mam more than him cheating with another woman !!!! as for feeling evil well that is just an emotion that you have yet to control or understand...

Answer 9

I can understand why she has said that, my ex husband slept with other women and I used to think of all the gorgeous guys I had turned down because I was married

But you have some serious issue's that need dealing with, no-one on here will have the answer to the basis of your problems its alot more deep rooted

Find a counsellor, its the best thing then you can both open up and try and repair all the cracks.........

good luck honey xx

Answer 10

You may be right, she may not love you but my guess would be that she's hurt and wants you to know what it feels like to have that trust and sacred ritual of making love that is to be shared between a husband and wife torn away from you... never to be found and cherished again.
You have destroyed that which is to be cherished and sacred between a man and women.
My question would be why? Did you think so little of her? If so, I would have to conclude that you do not love her.
It doesn't feel good to think of her with someone else. If hind sight were only 20/20.
I hope you're able to work it out... good luck.

Answer 11

Wat make u tink tat she will cheat on u? U r te cheater, not her. Give her some space 4 her 2 shallowed your confession. Not all women can digest it in a short term. At te same time, try 2 make up 2 her 4 your mistake. When both of u r really, have a good talk abt it n c if u can resolve it among yourself. Gd luck.