bad or good parenting move?

Question

My seven year old is a BIG help. I am pregnant and now single. She helps out so much as i have been so exhausted this pregnancy. I have been giving her allowance for her extra chores and told her how much I appreciate all her help. I had a talk with her and told her that I would still probably need lots of help after the baby is born too, especially when we go camping and stuff. I told her I don't expect her to be my slave and I want her to be a kid and did she find all the work she does unfair. She said she doesn't mind at all because I pay her... Is that a good or bad parenting move to pay her? Some chores are expected.. like take care of your own hamster.. put you own dishes in the sink... take the dog out... but all her extra help, I give her allowance for. I feel bad because I need her help so much and I dont' want to rob her of her childhood. She is ok with it as she feels apprecaited and gets to earn money... is this bad of me?

Answer 1

As long as you are still allowing her to be a kid and do all the things that kids do, then helping you is not an issue. Also that you and your daughter still get Mother and daughter time together, when she is not helping you and you are doing fun stuff together. Just make sure she has a balance, and also that she doesn't get too tired - school is a lot for little ones, and if she is having to do a lot of extra chores.....
Try and get more rest yourself, and build up your energy, so that the baby has one mother and a little helper, not two mums. Good luck
Jx

Answer 2

Every person who answers this is going to give you a different answer! Allowance is what you make of it in the end, though.

Some people feel that what you do for your family is just part of being a member of the family; moms don't generally get paid for washing dishes or doing laundry, changing diapers, etc. so why should children?

Other people feel that it teaches many good values about work ethics and saving/spending money wisely.

Personally, I agree with both to an extent. We have normal chores that just have to be done, to help our family run more smoothly. But I have been known to pay my kids to do some chores, such as wash our vehicle, pull weeds or rake leaves in the yard, sort and organize some big project in the house that I've been avoiding doing myself....

I say, if it's working for the two of you, go for it! Congratulations on your pregnancy, and best of luck!

Answer 3

Conscientious as you seem, I dont think you are exploiting her in any way. I think you are feeling vaguely guilty and hence paying her off. A couple of decades ago these questions would have never arisen. Everyone capable was expected to help around the house. Sometimes I think children should be taught that a job well done or appreciation is reward enough. Especially when she grows up soon and does things around her own home- no ones going to pay her then. She will be then thankful that her mom taught her to be independant and helpful at an early age.

Answer 4

I would not expect her to help to much. She still needs to be a kid, and its not her fault you go pregnant and there is no father around to help you. Remember she is only 7 and she probably doesn't want you to get mad if she tells you she doesn't want to do it anymore. Are you paying her, or is it more of a bribe? Many children are forced into being a babysitter, or maid when they are young because their parents get to involved in other stuff. She should only have basic chores and you should take more responsibility in the household. You didn't explain what you pay her to do, but if your asking her to vacuum, do laundry, wash dishes, sweep, thats to much for a 7 year old. And if your asking her to help with the baby, remember she is only 7 and she can't raise your child. Maybe you should been more cautious and not got yourself pregnant. In the end you are robbing her of her childhood. I would never make my 7 year old do a lot of chores, at that age, keeping their room cleaned, and picking up after themselves is enough.

Answer 5

Yes, its a great idea to give your child an allowance especially since YOUR child is more mature than most teenagers I know. And dont feel bad- you are instilling good values in her and by praising her you are raising her self esteem. Self worth is one of the best gifts you can give to a child. Dont worry you are doing a fantastic job and good luck to you

Answer 6

i think you should be happy, which you say your appreciative of but not happy enough, with the help. its so hard to get a kid that age to do anything around the house, they just wanna play. you have a great kid.

and its not wrong, shes learning "the value of a dollar" at a young age. she learning responsibility on her own. and i think it'll help out in the future when she of working age, she'll be more motivated to get a job and help you out.
i think its a good move.

Answer 7

It teaches her the values of money. Try to take an hour out each day for her to play and do her own thing too x

Answer 8

I don't believe in paying children for doing things they SHOULD do around the house. Helping mom out is something a child SHOULD do without getting paid for it. She already told you in her own words...it's fine as long as she is getting paid to do what she is doing. Try not paying her for it and see how "appreciated" she feels. Yeah it's a wrong move.

Answer 9

not at all- she will learn alot from all this experience in helping out her mom. I wish my 8yr old little girl would help me but I guess I spoiled her to much and now I can't get her to do anything--She will thank you someday!!!! Jill R

Answer 10

u should let her know that just because someone pays u that dosent mean that u have to do wat ever they want.it will help her out in the future but other then that, good job!
u have a good daughter....reward her for doing good.
congrats and good luck on the baby!