What do you do?

Question

Me and my partner are going through a real rough patch at the mo and i really confused about what to do. Are relationship hasnt been all sweetness and bright and we had more bad times than good. It hard to when i look at him and dont know if its love i feel anymore or if its just a bad time we goin through. How do you know when its time to call it a day or stay and fight it through.

We have been together 4 nearly 3 yrs, we have a little girl who is 19mths. We have split up many time before through violence mentally and pysically. He wasnt there for me when i had our little girl, in fact he ran. And i been tryin already for the last six months, and it all me feelin this way.

Answer 1

Firstly, you need to sit down yourself and think about what it is you really truly want. My mantra is to be true to yourself. Think about the fact that you have this child together and do you want this child to grow up in an environment that is full of hostility and aggression. Then, you should sit together and open up to each other. Communication is very important as is honesty. You both need to put your cards on the table and find out what it is that causes you both to feel the way you do and talk it through. Take yourselves back to the time when you first met and fell in love and what made you fall in love with each other. How did you get from that to where you are now? If you find its too difficult to sit alone and talk, then seek guidance from relate.

Answer 2

You don't say whether you are dating, living together, are married, with or without children and what your problems stem from as all these things have an effect on how easy or difficult it is to decide to finish a relationship.
Also, is it just you who is having doubts or is your partner feeling the same way?
Could you consider going to counselling, either together so you can reach a better mutual understanding, or alone so you can air your grievances in total confidence?
There is no easy answer and I hope you find the strength to do what is right for you.

Thx for the extra info. Some women like a fiery relationship with plenty of ups and downs. Others want something different. There is nothing wrong with either type of woman or relationship as long as it involves only adults.
From what you say your life together has been quite "fiery" and this is something which does not seem to make you happy.
Also, there is a child involved.

You have doubts about how good life is now and how it will be in the future and, from what you say, you have given the relationship a fair try considering the insecurity and violence it involves. Sounds to me like you have already stayed and tried to work it out...
Only you can make such a big decision but, for your own sake and your daughter's, think of making a life for just the two of you. I'm not a religious person but I believe you will get the power from somewhere inside you once you come to terms with what you are going to do.

Answer 3

Believe it or not, every couple have relationship problems unless they have a schedule where they hardly see each other and don't have time to fight. If you really love him then you will stay and try to work it out, if it turns out that it was not worth fixing then you know that it is time to move on, Sure a relationship can't be sweetness all the time or there would be no need to fix anything, if it ain't broke then don't fix it. Just do the best that you can and hope for the best.

Answer 4

It sounds like your confused and don`t know what you want,try suggesting you both have a break from each other for a week or two with just a phone call every 2days.This will give you both breathing space and evaluate whether your relationship is important.After this time apart meet up again for lunch and decide whether your going to stay and try to make it work or go your separate ways.If you decide to stay together then might i suggest you seek relationship guidance counselling together as this could get any unresolved issues out in the open..............good luck.

Answer 5

I think you just answered your own question babe. You say that when you look at him you just don't know if you feel that love anymore, surely if you two were meant to stay together the love would still be there.
To be honest when it gets to the point where the bad times out weigh the good times its time to call it a day. Don't think that by doing this you are taking the easy way out because it takes a bigger person to end a relationship for the right reasons than to stay in one for the wrong reasons.
Good luck babe xxx

Answer 6

You shouldn't really be having more bad times than good. Only you know if the good times make up for the bad times or not. If they don't I would seriously consider calling it a day. It's hard to make a fresh start, but it's also hard to stay in a bad relationship.

Answer 7

There are always going to be those hard times but if you are really second guessing if your in love anymore it probably wouldn't last .You know you love the person irregardless of what you are going through or you don;t have much to work with.I would suggest a break from each other and see how you really feel without him there everyday and put yourself outside of your situation for awhile maybe it's just too much stress?! good luck

Answer 8

When 2 people fight a lot. It is because they are not understanding the importance of things to the other. What is important to you, seems unimportant to him. Vise-versa. Or it could be that hes just mad all the time.
I would say try to work it out. If the fighting persists. Then leave.

Answer 9

My wife and i have been through many a bad patch over the years, sometimes you turn these times to your advantage to make your love for one another stronger.
Try speaking to relate they can help you so much, Good luck and best wishes i hope it works out for you both.

Answer 10

Theres only one person you can ask that question to, him. IF your having doubts you have got to sit down with him and explain what your feeling and ask for his feelings in the matter as well. Also if your not sure just look into his eyes while you talking to him and that should tell you wether you love him or not.

Good luck x