My gf loves me, but why doesn't she ever take the initiative, and how can i help her do that?

Question

for example, it would always be me that has to do the asking out. But i really don't like doing that all the time, it makes me feel like i'm always in control, and i hate that feeling. i want us to share powers. I asked her this before and she says she doesn't know why. Other than her possible thoughts of wanting breaking up, can there be other reasons behind this? like psychologically?

Answer 1

OK RED FLAG - dingdingding - she is thinking of breaking up??? Buy a clue.

Some women want the man to be the one in control. If you want a woman to share the burden of planning and asking out, you need to meet a woman who is less retiring and more in control.

Lesson learned through much experience: never try to change someone you date - it pisses them off and is frustrating for you. The wasted time and energy can't be reclaimed. Learn fast how to see when it is time to move on. get clear on what you want and communicate it up front.

Answer 2

she seems to have grown in a controlling home(especially her father), and she just got used to such norm. Then when she is dating you, you (male) is stereotyped as a controlling figure in her life. That is usually where this kind of frustration and behaviour comes from: family-learned.

However, you two can change. You can give up your power and ask her to pick a place and time for both of you. You can do that in alternating turns. You can also ASK her to carrry on something for both of you. She will be able to learn and feel more empowered; and at the same time you can feel free from the hierachical role of the current relationship.

Remember, the partner in future marriage can NEVER be the solution to your frustration. We all must work on our imperfect relationship, because this relationship is human to human, not divine. However, if dating gets hard and my suggested interaction does not work, then let go of her. Good luck.

Answer 3

Yes sometimes when the girl is not used to taking on very much initiative -she will find it hard to do it even with someone she loves because she's been letting the other person she is with do all the initiative stuff.So it might take awhile for her to feel comfortable doing it-just keep on trying to let her do some of the deciding.Tell her you want her to do the planning of your next date.I don't think she wants to break-up she just isn't use to having the control in a relationship so keep working on it with her.Good luck.

Answer 4

Sure there are other reasons. Remember women think differently then men. Maybe you make her feel safe and secure when you are making the decisions. Giver her more time. As the love grows and time passes she will become more confident in the relationship and start to step forward more. We are all different. We grow and get better with time. She's lucky to have you because you are at least asking the right questions. Good Luck.
Sunshiine

Answer 5

Dude for her it is all about the chase to get you.... She used all her powers to do this and she did. She now feels as if you are bagged meat and for use at her disposal. When you grow tired of this you will move on. So I would say the sooner the better. And try and not forget this She is a women and they have no reason for doing anything at all they just do it because they are a women and they can..... I they didn't a have a yssup there would be a bounty on their heads

Answer 6

I think she likes the chase.
There are a lot of people who feel that they
have the power over you, if you are the one
doing the running.
Why don't you NOT ring her. It will be hard
but let her get in touch with you to find out why
she hasn't heard from you. Or ask her to have
more input in your relationship. Cos it is making
you feel miserable.