We're both mature students, he lives at home with his mum as too expensive for own place. I live with my teenage son. His mum doesn't like to be alone, she's told him if he stays more than 4 nights away he'll have to move out. I go to his 2 nights (when permitted) and he comes to mine for 2. Whats bugging me is we've been together for 3 years and I really want more of a commitment than this. This issue is really starting to affect our relationship and causes deep rooted arguments. Any suggestions to fix this problem will be greatly received. Thanks
2007-03-10 02:03:37 · 13 answers · asked by Lizzo 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Thanks for the replies so far.
He can't afford to move in with me as were both on very low incomes as were both post-graduate students.
He moved back home in order to facilitate his studies, prior to this he lived independently.
2007-03-10 02:20:24 · update #1
I'm divorced from my son's father. My son & bf get on really well, they even share the same interests.
2007-03-10 02:28:35 · update #2
If it's a dealbreaker, break up with him. If it's not, put up with it.
Simple.
2007-03-10 02:07:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you let him move in with you and pay a part of the rent? Or you can rent a place together. It's kind of difficult because you have a teen son that is not going to just accept the change of having a guy living with you. If you aren't comfortable with him living with your son than it's basically not going to get more committed. You son is only going to get older and start to question more things. So if you can't do it now than how will you do it later.
On the other end, if you just don't want to move in with him then he could get an apartment. He's old enough to be able to do things without his mom breathing down his neck anyway. Sounds like his mom is using the house to control him. She doesn't want him to be at home anyway so she is just looking for a reason to put him out (like the can't stay out for 4 days thing). Just think about it, if she didn't want to be alone the last thing that she would do is put the person who stays with her out. She really thinks that it's time for him to move on. He could start to pay his mom rent so that she will let him have his freedom, which might work. Most likely though, it sounds like he is better off moving out and finding his own place.
2007-03-10 02:15:01 · answer #2 · answered by Vince R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Friend, I am sorry but I am unable to understand what type of relationship you have between you and your b.friend? You two live together just like married ones, I think so.
Well, I understand that he should talk to his mother and bring her with him and live with you. Or take you to his house and live there. But if it is really not possible for you two to do that, then what is it that keeps you together? Love? Or only Passion/Attraction? If there is True Love then you all can sit together and sort out the problem.
Friend, I don't intend to offend you but it is not good to have arguments in relationships. You are right when you say that you want more of a commitment than this. Just discuss it with your b.friend and ask him to tell you frankly what he really wants.
You have said that you have a son...? That means you are already married or divorced, or what? If you can say more in details and also what he thinks now, it will be easy for me to understand your whole siuation.
Any ways, wish you all the best!
2007-03-10 02:18:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right so your both mature students and there is no way his mum would want you to move in but have you asked him to move in with you?At the end of the day his mum is controlling him and obviously your relationship,i think it`s about time you put your foot down or are you going to continue like this for another 3 or more years?What about your teenage son,does he not have a say or does his feelings regarding this relationship count?It`s about time you stepped back and assessed whether this relationship is worth all this hassle...........good luck.
2007-03-10 02:23:16 · answer #4 · answered by sarah y 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
his mom is playing the control game with him. hes letting her. you cant do anything about his mother or him and their relationship. so dont even bother with it. you do, however, have control over your life. you have dont this for three years, and have now decided to want more from him. he probably doesnt want more. he likes it the way it stands right now. you need to break it off with him. find your own happiness in your own time. sure it will be hard, three years is a long time to be with someone. but how much of it is true happiness, seeing that you are arguing over this. it has been eating at you for a while. so go make your life better and see just how happy you can be without him.
2007-03-10 02:13:57 · answer #5 · answered by zsaffireblue2003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but I've got to be blunt - you two are pathetic. Stand up for yourself and get some independence. Firstly, his mother is not the ruler of you two. Secondly, being on a low income doesn't mean you can't live somewhere - just get on with it.
GROW UP THE PAIR OF YOU
2007-03-10 03:11:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
another dodgy one.
cannot really blame his mother for not wanting to be alone these days or she may just be pulling the apron strings just a little longer, your bf will quite rightly put his mother first and it cannot be too easy for him trying to keep two women happy.
it all depends on how strong your feelings are, is it worth taking more of a back seat and waiting?
you could maybe try to get more involved with his mother, if she knows you better she may relax a wee bit.
afraid if you are wanting more commitment from him, i think his mother will take priority.
good luck
2007-03-10 02:17:14 · answer #7 · answered by safcian 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've put up with this for THREE YEARS?!!
What are you, NUTS?!
It's over, girlie! You're not getting any younger - besides, sounds like that guy is already in a committed relationship ... WITH HIS MOTHER!!
2007-03-10 02:12:50 · answer #8 · answered by NEWTOME 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow,this is a situation for teenagers,not mature adults.Why cant your boyfriend move in with you? He needs to untie himself from his mums apron strings !
2007-03-10 02:10:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
if i were u, i would tell him what i feel and ask him if he wants to live with me.i think if u live together the problem with the mum wouldn't be there any more.
hope i helped u
ali shkodrova
2007-03-10 02:11:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no real solution to this then i'm afraid fell for you both maybe he should stand up to his mum and call her bluff, he's not a child bless him his mother shouldn't behave this way to him totally unfair :(
2007-03-10 03:26:12 · answer #11 · answered by clare w 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋