Question for experienced stay at home moms!?

Question

Ok, I am new at this stay at home thing. I have 3 children ages 8, 2, and 2 months. I am new at being home just since my 2 month old was born. I was never good at house work so me and my hubbie used to split the work but now that he is working two jobs I feel that when he gets home that the house should be clean and dinner should be good to go. However I have not figured out how to get motavated to clean the same messes day after day. When I was working the rewards were right in front of me, paycheck, friends, vacations...all things to look forward to. But now I just don't know what to do to get excited about doing my job. I love being with my kids all of the time, I love playing with them and having a good time with them. I just can't figure out the house part of this job. Also my 2 month old is HIGH maintenance, so by the time I get him down I don't really feel like grabbing a sponge to do dishes. So any suggestions would be great. Thanks.

Answer 1

I am the stay at mom mother of 4. I have a little boy that will be 8 soon, a 4 year old, and 21 month old twins! I too had a really hard time getting motivated to clean. I am NOT saying this is your problem, and I don't want you to think that, but MY problem was depression. I was put on medicine, and it helped a little bit, but I still couldn't get the motivation to pick up what I knew would be messed up again in an hour! I recently had my medication upped, and it's helped tremdously! I don't have trouble getting up and cleaning anymore, but I still have a hell of a time keeping up with them! Just today my 4 year old had decided to throw koolaid, and jello mix in my kitchen floor, and chip crumbs in the hallway floor. He's in sooooo much trouble, he won't stay out of things.

I have to have someone come in for a couple hours once a week to help me out. It might be different if my husband was here to help, but he's in Iraq right now. So it's just me, picking up and caring for four kids. As soon as I turn my back to do something, someone does something else that I have to take care of. They're faster than I am! It drives me nuts, ha ha!

I console myself with the fact that they won't be little forever. You have an 8 year old, you know what I'm talking about. One day, we'll miss this........right?

I suggest trying to get your older two to help. You two year old is old enough to help, but still young enough to think it's a game. I've devised a chore chart that had helped a bunch at my house. My 4 year is usually ahead of my 8 year old, but he's fallen behind the last couple weeks, because of this, "I can and will make messes," phase he's going through right now! There's a picture and a blog about it on my 360 page, if you want to check it out. (The one with the picture was written December 20th)

I hope this helps. If not, I hope this lends some comfort. They'll be all grown up all too soon!

Answer 2

Yeah it's hard. Have you talked to your husband about how you feel? I know it feels like you should have a spotless house and gourmet dinner on the table because that's your job. It's really a hard change to make, staying at home and you should cut yourself some slack.

With a 2 month old at home you're just not going to be able to make things as clean as you want. With older kids there's gonna be a mess.

I usually straighten the house once a day. If it's messy all day that's ok. I pick up before my hubby comes home so he sees the toys picked up. It doesn't matter that they're out again before dinner.

Try planning some chores ahead of time. That way you know when your chores for the day are finished, you're done. YOu don't have to spend the whole day cleaning.

Plan your meals the same way. Maybe you can prepare dinner in the afternoon and refrigerate until time to cook. then you can use your nap time or free time during the day and you don't have to cook at dinner time.

Answer 3

Well, first of all give yourself a break (and hubby should too)--as with any new job, there is an adjustment time. When I was a new SAHM, I spent a lot of needless worry on housework "plans" and how I was going to do everything, when what I needed to do was just live the new life for a while and then see what works.

So for a day to day survival, you need to priorize. Look around you and decide what's most crucial. The laundry? The breakfast dishes? Then do that thing. Then give yourself a break to play with the kids or whatever. The do the next most important thing.

Another thing I do, which doesn't suit everyone but it works for me, is to do a LITTLE EVERY DAY. I clean one thing a day and I do one or two loads of laundry every day. Once I get those tasks out of the way each morning I feel so free! For example today was my day to vacuum the upstairs after my kids cleaned their rooms, and to do the towels and the baby's laundry.

Answer 4

I think you would be motivated by having people in to visit on a regular basis. Take the kids to tot time activities so you meet other stay at home moms and then start having them in for coffee or whatever you drink in the am. Might have to be martinis for all I know. There were days like that. You didn't do your outside the home work in a vacuum and you won't be great at what you do at home if there is no one to see how successfully you can run your house. If you get organized, you will see how quickly you can get it all done. I've always worked by the 15 minute rule. I can get up and work for 15 minutes at a time and then crash for the rest of the hour. You can clean any room in the house in 15 minutes including the kitchen. You can rotate clothes in and out of the washer and dryer, fold and put away in 15 minutes. You can even use a timer to do it if you need to. However, you might have to limit your on line time. That's the real kicker, isn't it. Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 5

Don't sweat it, you have alot on your plate right now. I only have a 2 year old and I find it hard to get all the housework done some days. You could try to do the dishes as you go, as soon as my daughter uses a dish or cup I wash it and put it away, and when she naps(if she will) I do everything I can then. But if you can't do it because you are dead tired, maybe one day when your husband is home you guys could do a big cleanathon and get the things done you weren't able to during the week. Once the 2 month old gets a bit older things will be easier. Just don't be too hard on yourself and enjoy the little ones.

Answer 6

I am not a stay at home but I certainly understand how you feel, hence, answering questions on yahoo while a sink of dirty is dishes sit in my sink not washing themselves despite my pleas with them. It is so hard to motivate yourself. When I make days of getting my apartment clean on my days off, I reward myself, and even give myself breaks.

I will start in the kitchen, and work for an hour, then sit down for a few minutes with a cup of coffee or whatnot. Then I will move onto laundry, and take another break later. Sometimes I make time for certain things on t.v. and work during commercials. Or get online and check my emails and then hit the grind again. Of course it is more complicated for you since you have to throw diaper changings and feedings and cryings into the mix of your day. But do whatever it takes to make some time for yourself, and you will feel better about what you are doing at home. Like you said, when you were working at a paying job, the rewards were right in front of you.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Join flylady.net. Its the greatest website ever. I was totally unmotivated and going through the "baby blues" when my daughter was born two years ago. This site is super easy, especially if the place isn't an absolute disaster. She emails you several times a day to motivate you, plus there are discussion boards, and even pages about weight, romance, etc. The main thing is housecleaning, but she doesn't make you feel stressed about it. By making "baby steps" this site changed my life.

Good for you on your decision to stay home and want to have nice things for your husband. You'll never regret the time at home with your babies! I would suggest (if you haven't already) looking up a mom's group or getting some friends with kids together a couple of times a month for some extra "adult" interaction. The kids can play together while you talk about something other than barbies and BM's! Good luck, and God bless!

Answer 8

I completely understand your situation and I think that everyone has really great ideas. It may take some time before you find something that really works for your family. You may also consider starting a routine and getting the children used to eating times, nap times, helping out (8 year old), quiet time, play time, etc. I realize that, as a stay at home mom, you may not want your home life so "structured", however, it really helps you to get organized, prioritize, and keep you from going insane.

Also, don't forget about YOURSELF. I stressed and overworked mommy is not a happy mommy and the children really need you to have your A game at all times. Plan some time for yourself ie spa days with friends, coffee and reading a book, warm bath and music in the evenings, etc. Give yourself something to look forward to and surround yourself with positivity. Stay at home moms have a thankless job. However, it's the most important job out there. Stick with it and do your best. Good luck.

Answer 9

Wow, I totally understand how you feel. Although I don't have children of my own yet, I know how distracting being at home can be for me. Instead of doing my homework or helping around the house with the cleaning, I find other things more appealing to do - like reading, watching the telly and going on the Internet. Well, let's face it, everyone needs a little bit of time management and training in being disciplined about accomplishing all sorts of activities. IMHO, I suggest getting the children involved in little bits and pieces of the cleaning. Children of the age of 8 and 2 can certainly be trained to do little jobs of cleaning, such as putting back their own toys in their toy boxes or putting rubbish in the bin. 8 year olds can help around the house more such as washing the dishes. When it comes to the bigger types of cleaning, you may really want to plan out a time slot everyday just for total cleaning - wash, vacuum, dry etc. However, if you really think that you don't have enough time or the energy to keep it up and running, you may want to consider someone to help out around the house. Of course, it has to be someone that you trust to help around in your house.

Answer 10

for the 2mon old get a carry thing that straps on you so you have your hand free and what id do is write a goal for the day and do things one at a time if iget get dinner and dishes done sometimes that's the best i can do!!!! try quick pick ups during naps but still save time for you to take a break maybe if you start a routine and stick w/it it'll become easier, plus have other kids do their own chores. housewife is the hardest job in the world!!! good luck I'm sure you'll be fine