Hope this makes sense! One of my (clueless) best friends invited a married couple on an annual weekend trip a few years back without even asking me (I organize the trip.) This couple has been coming on the trip ever since. This couple has also been know to self-invite and they usually self-invite through someone else. They get a closer friend to ask if they can come. I have grown to like them more and consider them friends because as long as my best friend is in my life they will also be in my life. Now, this married couple is trying to invite friends of theirs that I barely know to the trip. They have not asked me if they could come - they have only said the new couple wants to come. I feel like a witch saying the new couple can't come, but I also don't want to spend my weekend, that I worked hard to plan, with uninvited guests...that I barely know. How do I tell the self-inviters they are not welcome to invite their unwanted friends?
2007-03-10 00:39:43 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
You really must learn how to stand up for yourself! Say 'sorry, no, they can't come'.
2007-03-12 04:14:30 · answer #1 · answered by Sheriam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them the part about not wanting to spend the weekend with people you don't know. But I'm surprised you got to like the original self-inviting couple! Might you not get to like the new unknown couple if you're so accepting? Anyway, just tell the couple you do know---as soon as possible---that you'd like to keep the group down to the regular amount of people, the people you know, since you're the organizer of the trip. Make yourself clear before you're leading up a caravan to a festival of hundreds!
2007-03-10 00:57:09 · answer #2 · answered by blueblue 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't mention it, but I suspect you're spending a lot of money for the trips. One thing you might consider is the ole don't feed it and it'll go away.
I had an uncle who turned a 2 car garage into a party room and ended up with a bunch of guys hanging around, looking for a free drink. Then when somebody was tearing a bowling alley down, he bought one of the lanes. He always went bowling every day. He got an additional five-car garage built in back of his house, and then never installed the bowling lane. He just left it there in pieces and quit bowling completely. He got another hobby, breeding show dogs.
2007-03-10 01:04:20 · answer #3 · answered by Mike D. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is your gathering.....You could tell your friend that you just want to spend the quality time with them and your most intimate friends to catch up on what is going on with them and are not interested in bringing others into your group at this time. You just want to keep it between old friends for now. If they want others to join the group it should be an event that THEY plan and can invite you as part of it. That way you will have the opportunity to accept the invitation or not...depending on how comfortable you are with their extended group of friends.
2007-03-10 01:20:03 · answer #4 · answered by judyanncurtis 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Question: By "organizing", do you mean you're paying for or providing everyone's transportation and/or accommodations? If so, then you get to say who you will or will not drive or pay for.
Unfortunately, if other people want to show up at the same destination and pay their own way, you can't stop them. You can, however, politely decline to spend more time with them than you want to. That means that, although you DO have to acknowledge their presence and be gracious if you're introduced, you don't have to stick to them like glue, or change any of your plans to suit them.
2007-03-10 02:00:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree you've got to tell your couple that you don't want their guests. There's no tactful way; you just have to keep saying to yourself that you didn't ask THEM in the first place. Be polite and apologetic to soothe your conscience.
If you can't bring yourself to say it, show it. If the couple do bring their guests around, ignore them, or act nonchalant, never acknowledging their presence and keep to yourself and your friend. They might get the hint.
2007-03-10 01:05:39 · answer #6 · answered by beachblue99 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
trust me they see it completely different than you.
you are going to have to tell them that you don't
feel comfortable on a weekend with people you don't know.
you are going to have to tell them that when you organize an event, you want to do the inviting.
you're right they dont' understand.
the only way is to tell them.
nicely.
"jill, i don't want to spend the weekend with people i don't know"
"john, since i'm organizing the weekend, i want to be the one doing the inviting. i don't feel comfortable with you inviting others"
or you could try:
"you really want your friends to be with you because you enjoy them. would you be willing to plan your own trip with them?"
"i'm feeling uncomfortable with the idea of them coming because i want to be with close friends. would you be willing to plan a separate trip with them?"
and of course listen carefully to what they say.
most likely they have no clue that you feel this way.
how could they since you haven't told them.
their social senses are obviously different than yours.
2007-03-10 00:53:25 · answer #7 · answered by BonesofaTeacher 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Show them this web page
2007-03-10 01:43:52 · answer #8 · answered by slingsandarrows 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Set boundaries and say NO. YOU need to set the limits. If they don't like it, too bad!
2016-01-24 10:26:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just tell them exactly how u feel .. u said it well here ..
2007-03-10 00:43:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋