i really want my baby!1?

Question

im 20 and i have a really well paid job as a trainee bank mnager and in 2 years i will be qualified. i will have finished my degree in law and well on my way rto a good career. i had an amzing realtionship with my partner until i found out i am 8 weeks pregnant and i want to keep it but he doesnt. his mum is totally against the idea and just as he gets his head round it she poisons hi again and then he says really nasty things to me like i trapped him and that he hates me. i really want to have my baby but i feel the easier thing to do would be to have an abortion as i am so ill everytime we argue. i love it already and im so excited but he just doesnt want it!!! whats sholud i do??

love jan xxxxxxx

Answer 1

It would depend on why he doesn't want a baby. If you are so serious, why consider abortion? Obviously this is something that should have been discussed before you started a sexual relationship. If he doesn't want kids and you do, it's not going to work too well. You need to figure out what to do about your relationship before you can figure out what to do about a baby.
How about adoption? Many people are out there waiting for years that can't have a baby.

Answer 2

having a termination can be so difficult if you love your baby. i did love my baby too and was so exicted and wanted to have it, but had a termination anyway as everyone on the planet i told thought it was a bad idea as i'd be connected to my boyfriend, who's behaved very badly, for the rest of my life and they thought i could do better.

i've had a termination, and can honestly say its the biggest bereavement i've ever been through. there is no love like it and you'll never forget it. i'm not sure it ever goes away.

i'll never know if i did the right thing or not and just have to come to terms with the fact its happened now.

just don't let anyone say its a small op, you'll be fine etc etc. its true in some ways, physically i was fine, but that love is a big thing to give up.

i found a charity where i'm having post abortion counselling now & i'd recommend them as they help you make an unplanned pregnancy decision. i think i may have understood everything better if i'd spoken to them first.

the website is www.careconfidential.com.

definitely speak to someone before, and if you do chose termination speak to someone afterwards too (not just the marie stopes counsellors).

i kind of wish i'd had more faith in myself and kept the baby - i'm 28 & am a qualified accountant so could've managed you know.

but its done now, so i hope that life takes me somewhere better. you have to have faith that whatever you do is the best you could do at the time.

just make sure its whats right for you and the baby, not what everyone else thinks is right.

lots of love and best wishes

xx J

Answer 3

Girl just because this is his baby doesn't mean you have to be with him or he has to be a part of the child's life for you to have it.
I've seen these story's so many times on Maury and in the end the grandparent and father end up loving the baby.
You know how no one wants the responsibility while your pregnant but acts like everything is fine afterward.
I have also seen way too many people brain washing others into thinking it will ruin there lives.
Do what you feel is the right thing for you, since your not married.
If this man wants to be a bastard then let him. Never let anyone influence you especially if you know it's wrong!
I'm proud that you are willing to take responsibility for your actions. There are so many other men out there that would do you right, don't let this one drag you down.
The hell with him, you don't need him! Your a strong women who can make up her own mind.

Answer 4

It comes down to this - do you want to live the rest of your life knowing you killed your own child, and be with a person who encouraged you to do it? Men don't really get the baby thing until they feel the baby in your belly or actually see it. At 8 weeks, this baby is just sort of an idea to him, not a real person. But you love it already, like you are supposed to. Don't let someone else make a decision like that for you. With or without him, you can do this.

Answer 5

You should not have an abortion for someone else. Only if you wanted one could you deal with it.

Second, NICHD has researched infant/mother separation extensively. More than 10 hours a week separation from mommy is utterly devastating to an infant - it hurts them very much emotionally, really destroying their ability to trust. There is also damage intellectually, physically, socially.

SO, the idea that you are on your way to a good, well paying career means you are not on your way to being a good mom. You actually have to be there to be a mom. People try to lie and pretend that 2 hours of mothering a night is fine, and your kid doesn't care. That is a huge and damaging lie.
Mothering that way means - if you're lucky - your kid bonds to your day care provider and when you pick him up and take him home, you are hurting him. Cause he longs for the other person.

It's a really rotten life for a baby. Maybe his mum is concerned because you don't seem to get how utterly awful this news for this baby is.

Answer 6

Jan, go with YOUR gut feeling and not what he and his mother want. If he's not man enough to stick around and do what's right he will be the one missing out. Get a lawyer and get custody and child support ironed out as early as possible. Don't allow him or his mother to tell you what to do. YOU tell THEM what you are going to do and then he can decide from there what his intentions are. You get to make the decision on this one and nobody else. This child has come to you now by surprise, but for a reason.
~Good luck and God bless!!

Answer 7

you have a life inside and it is yours and no one can ever take it away form you . If you have everything like a job and such think of raising a baby alone. Say to your self can you do this. I from experiance raised all three of mine after a divorce and they were nine months,one year and three and only did it to prove a woman does not need a father but alot a love for a child and now they are thirty one twenty-nine and twenty-eight and very proud of them who nows after you have the baby maybe things will change. My daughter with her first was done the same way except his whole family was going around saying he was not the father and every day she wa sput thru bad talk untill the day she gave bith then the father his mother and grandmother all was at the hospital and time for delivery she wasnted me to go but yet she wanted the father of her baby go and he wanted to so I had him go. From that day on they have been together and now have two children but to see how much the day of a birth can change a whole family and trust me he was walking proud and happy and even crying holding his daughter who now is just like dad. Keep the baby it will changes if not you will give all your love to one.

Answer 8

Haven't you already answered your own question. You say you already love the baby. If you love it you'll figure out a way to make it work. Maybe he'll come to his senses, maybe not. You can always go after him for child support too. Make sure you have a good support line in place and have yourself a baby! Congrats on the pregnancy and good luck to you!

Answer 9

Whether he decides to step up or not you have already formed a special bond with your baby. Do NOT feel forced into having an abortion you will ever forgive yourself. You've said you love your baby already- There is your answer.
He will come around eventually and I bet as soon as the wicked witch see's her grand child she will too.

Good Luck

Answer 10

You are obviously a smart girl... and you can so it without him! If he doesn't want the baby, then he can leave, right? It is your body, and if you want to keep the baby, then you should do it! You seem to be financially stable, and there is nothing more important in the world than the life of your child :) Best Wishes!