I met somebody when I was 17, of course it was by chance and it was my very first relationship, so naturally I was madly in love. However, a year and a half later, while I still loved this person, we reached a stage where we fought and argued a lot, & we eventually broke up (we got back together a month later). Now, it's been two years, (& I'm 19, person's 21) and there's been both wonderful times & low times, but I feel as if I'm ready to move on and try dating someone new. However, the person I'm still with I deeply care about and love as a person, but I'm just not physically or sexually interested in this person anymore (this person is perfectly attractive, i've just lost my desire). Is this normal? I've tried bringing it up in conversation, but this person still insists on hanging on to the relationship and usually I wind up feeling bad (after being put through a guilt trip). Any advice for me? (Please be respectful).
2007-03-09 23:59:09 · 8 answers · asked by Dusk 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I've tried insisting on "just being friends", but I usually get some kind of grief over it & wind up hearing my lover say how they're not attractive and gets into a really low self esteem mode. Is it normal when your dating somebody & you wind up becoming more like friends than lovers and wish to insist on being friends instead?
2007-03-10 00:01:50 · update #1
Even after I try and insist we both date others & explain how I feel, I just keep getting told the person "is not ready to let me go just yet". It breaks my heart and I feel horrible, but I also know that I'm ready to spread my wings. Is it a comfort zone for the person I'm with and they're just afraid?
2007-03-10 00:07:13 · update #2
Look, it really doesn't matter if that person is not ready to let you go, they probably never will be. If you are not happy and not really attracted to this person anymore, then it is time to move on. Don't let ANYONE give you a guilt trip, I know you probably don't want to hurt them and that is the reason you are staying, but you have got to let it go. He will be hurt for a while, but he will get over it, everyone does. Just break it off as delicately as you can, but be strong and put your foot down. When its over its over. No sense in being with someone you love but aren't in love with right? It will be OK, just break it off, he will get over it no matter what.
2007-03-10 02:40:45 · answer #1 · answered by The One and Only 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit down with this person and tell them exactly how you feel and say that you have these feelings and would like to try a trial separation. The both of you will try being apart for two months and then get back together. If at that time you want to rekindle what was once there then that is what you will do. Until then you and she are free to date other people to get those feelings out of the way. You crumble when she puts the guilt trip on you and that is never going to go away until you get your problem settled once and for all. If that doesn't work just tell her you are ending this right now and leave it at that. If she is such a good looking woman she will have no trouble finding someone else. Accept these new terms or move on but as you put it in a respectful manner. If you do not meet anyone in the interim maybe you just think the opportunity is lacking but that she is the best choice. Sometimes we cannot see the forest for the trees. Just what is there that you hope to find in other women that she doesn't provide. You say you lost your desire, desire for what? In what department is she lacking? Is it her acceptance of you or is it the chase for something new that you are after. Visual, touch, smell, taste, hearing, there only are so many senses that you have to act on, just which is no longer working for you. Scientists say that often when we have feelings of hunger it is actually water that we are lacking. Now if she is no longer physically or sexually interesting to you maybe it is that you are thinking she is no longer physically or sexually interested in you and therefore you feel threatened. Maybe she is thinking that whatever she does is pleasing you and by not being herself she is making you uninterested. But if she ain't broke why would you want to replace her, there are many women out there that you think might be good for you but they too have many problems. You might just have the perfect thing in the woman you now have and it may take losing her before you actually realize that, so whatever you do take your time and think it through thoroughly before throwing the baby out with the bath water. Remember, having a one night stand is not all that it is cracked up to be and if you get involved in that when you return to the meeting maybe you or she will not be coming back with the same amount of purity that you left this arrangement for in the first place. One wrong move can land you in the land of double jeopardy but it can also be the point of no return. Deal or no Deal think twice before you leap!
2007-03-10 08:29:52 · answer #2 · answered by Mr. PDQ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to be honest. The longer you hang on to this relationship, the more damage will be done. Breaking up with someone is hard to do. While there may be feelings there, you have to either work on it, or let it go. You could end up hating each other. You are both young, and over time, either you will both move on to new things, or find your way back to each other. Life is too short to not be happy!
2007-03-10 08:11:26 · answer #3 · answered by stormzsecret 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a very hard situation for you. Believe me we all have gone thru similar things. The most important thing is to make yourself happy. If being in your present relationship is not good for you, you need to end it. If you are truely "friends", then the other person will be hurt, go thru the grieving of a loss, and then move on to a new relationship also. This is not unusual, and you will probably go thru it many times, unless you are lucky and find THE RIGHT ONE soon.
2007-03-10 09:11:49 · answer #4 · answered by the fnho 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is and let me tell u why. First of all our society's view of a relationship is one of the major problems..You see we have worn the special attributes down to nothing. A classic example is u. u r involved about as much as a married couple. and that is normal for us today. but what u don't have is the sacredness of the relationship. and that is why it is as it is. So tell him that your relationship is not sacred and never has been and that is why u have to start over again. and keep your future relationships sacred..that way the true blessings of the relationship can be given to u and your husband from the ONE that made the first relationship work. HIS blessing kept them married for over 900 years and they started the human race. Pretty good huh?
2007-03-10 08:11:26 · answer #5 · answered by spotlite 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its hard to let go after investing so much time in a person but you are too young to be tied down if your not happy!! I would let her go gently and maybe you can have a booty call by the time your done. If your not interested anymore, let it go. Too many great woman out there to waste your time with one that doesnt make you happy..
2007-03-10 08:07:22 · answer #6 · answered by bmccaffrey2583 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The kindest thing to do would be to tell her exactly how you feel - and move on from there. It is unfair to her to keep her dangling on a string without revealing your true feelings.
You have matured and want to spread your wings, that is perfectly natural.
2007-03-10 08:03:12 · answer #7 · answered by celianne 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
some times feelings changes over time,but if that are how you feel.you have to tell you're partner and break it off.and try not to drag it out more then what is nessesery.good luck
2007-03-10 08:05:46 · answer #8 · answered by tiram 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋