and you are truley remorseful. How do you feel when you look at your spouse? How bad is the guilt? Was it worth it? DId it make you realize how much you actually do love them? How long doe the guilt last? I guess I want to know how it feels to hurt the person you love and loves you more than anything, and how does it feel to know that they love you enough to forgive you? PLEASE...SERIOUS Answers...I am very curious.
2007-03-09 23:29:17 · 17 answers · asked by Nothing but the truth...!! 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I DID NOT cheat, nor do I intend to. YES, i am curious. I did the forgiving, its been a year, but sometimes his guilt seems to consume him. I am healing and I want to help him forgive hisself.
2007-03-09 23:37:11 · update #1
YES, I am positive he has no ties to her She has put us through absolute hell. She lives hundreds of miles from us. It took him a long time to make her relize he was where he wanted to be. It took her a long time to "let it go". She harrassed us for months and really did everything shecould do to ruin our "working it out". We finally had to threaten harrassment charges.
2007-03-09 23:51:33 · update #2
Without going into the full details, I can honestly say I understand what you are going thru. My husband of 23 years DID cheat on me. Only he cheated because he had turned to drugs and alcohol. I found all of this out thru time. I watched money being blown, he was never at home, eventually he had lost his job. I did leave and I did file for divorce. Then, he got into a serious motorcycle accident and while he was in the hospital, he had his withdrawls, realized everything he was losing, House, motorcycle, job, money, EVERYTHING. I was forced to take care of him due to the fact that he was bedridden for 6 months for a broken back, broken neck, and arm.
The point is, he realized that he had made a mistake, this has been over 2 years now. We do not talk about it at all. We just go on with our lives. I am happy to say that our marriage is better than before. I did forgive him also.
In order to make your marriage work, it takes both of you. Forgive and forget if you both really love each other!
Best of luck to you both!
2007-03-10 01:20:41 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course they go through guilt only if they love you they do but if they dont love you than probably not and if they got away with it once they are more likely to do it again. I guess the guilt would eventually wear off and goes away unless you throw it in the persons face and said well you cheated on me and than the person is reminded of what an idiot they were.
2007-03-10 09:27:26 · answer #2 · answered by mommyandbaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It all depends on wether you are truly sorry or wether you dont like the idea o being dumped.
Most people are more annoyed they got caught and then they try and cover it up but saying "oh i love you ill never do it again, forgive me please" But mostly they say this as they feel guilty and want to disguise their pain and the pain of the other...
Most people wouldnt do it if they cared that much about their spouse... and if you did it out of spite, because you knew ur partener was gullable and so in love with you he would definatley take you back , then your just a nasty peice of work and dont deserve them anyhow. Their loyalty and gullability should go somewhere where its needed, some people search all their lives for faithful parteners and never find them.
If you hurt someone you really do love, you feel like ****, derrr. BUT if you really do love them you would NEVER hurt them to begin with. That is saying something, read between the lines.
2007-03-10 07:37:11 · answer #3 · answered by Kira 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
As much as I feel for you because you are the true victim, your man is a player. He's playing with you like he played with his lover....I even feel for that poor girl whose been left in the dark, who probably didnt even know he was married when he swept her off her feet. She's probably crying herself to sleep every night, while your man is hiding behind your skirts. What do you mean she put you through hell? Did your hero, who you are so desperate to forgive, have the decency to treat her like a human being and explain his decision to stay with you? Typical cheat!!! Everything has to be his way, no matter who gets hurt...just because he got caught, she no longer exists and is tossed aside like a piece of rubbish. Your questions reek of desperation and I truly feel for you girl...you want to believe that he has finally realised how amazing you are, that he loves you more than life itself, that your love has not been wasted on him....I know how you feel...but once a player, always a player....When life finally gets back to normal for you, how long will it be before the next wild spirit lights his fire????
2007-03-10 08:25:06 · answer #4 · answered by Sterglaw 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having recently gone through something similar I feel I can tell you the hurt and pain does not hurt them when they are with the other person, nor does it hurt when they are thinking of them. Men can become so callosed and think of only themselves. My husband cheated on me with a 20 year old and is still with her.
He came back for a night ..I guess to see if he was sure he wanted to leave. I do not know...
Anyway , if you can get over it do it...that is the best advice I can give..And if he feels guilty...good maybe he will not stray again.
2007-03-10 08:24:32 · answer #5 · answered by Kelli W 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like to me hes playing it on . He should be able to forget way before you do. I think he just know the words to say to you so you feel sorry for him. The guy is good. He put you threw hell to it just wasn't her. He had her believing the same as you. I really don't think she would have went to such extremes if he didn't put the thoughts in her head. Face it you have a player slash actor
2007-03-10 08:33:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first he has to trust himself, to be free from guilt, it does take awhile for that to happen. he does feel extreme guilt, guilt involved his choices, guilt has this internal judge. he violated his moral code. he needs to be able to express his emotions, because if one doesn't face it, it may come out later on, in some other form. love will get rid of this, unconditional love from the other. with some who cheat, they have this guilt, and are never able to admit it, or show remorse, these are the ones that will experience the worse suffering. he just needs to talk about it, and not stuff it inside.
2007-03-10 08:10:05 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i have never cheated on my man and never will. but i had a dream that i did and i woke up crying and hugging him and saying sorry... (he thought i'd lost it) even though it was a dream, i felt guilty as anything! i looked at him for a long time and thought, "how could i ever hurt someone as beautiful as him?" i'd die thinking that i hurt him. so he could poss feel like that.
but the main thing is, how do you feel? have you truly forgiven him? forgive and forget go hand in hand and forgetting something like that would be pretty difficult. i'd be worried that he'd be thinking of "her" all the time. at work, in the shower, in bed, watching tv... ALL the time.. it'd drive me insane
cheers to you, you sound very supportive
2007-03-10 08:00:49 · answer #8 · answered by roymata 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The other person is hurt and agonizes for a long time. They may have forgiven you but it will be a LONG LONG time before they will EVER trust you again.You my friend are going to have to eat a lot of dirt and kiss a lot of butt!They will carry this memory for yrs to come.Now if they are vindictive on a daily basis about it, then you are going to have to get counseling to work thru this.Think ahead to tomorrow before you act on the moment of today.
2007-03-10 07:35:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Guilt is horrible. Truly remorseful. Bothers me to this day and it was over 15 years ago. She forgave me completely.
Some people don't care at all though. It is for you to decide.
2007-03-10 08:11:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋