ex using child?

Question

my son asked me the other day if daddy was good could he come home, when we finished he told my son i wanted him out and he didn't know why, for years he tried to control me didn't want me to get job wanted me at home couldn't have friends and that, now i don't know how to explain to my son about it, he is only six and i said i would never try turn my son against his dad but what can i say to him how can i put it in to kind words for him to understand, when he was going i told my son that me and daddy don't get on anymore so he was moving out but not to worry about anything as he would still see him and that he would live here with me, he seemed happy with that, now i am lost don't know what to say anymore

Answer 1

You did the correct thing by telling your son you wanted him out because you were not getting along well. Now tell him the next time daddy wants to know if he can come home, tell him to "Call mommy and ask me directly because you are not supposed to have the answer he is looking for, now do not worry."

Answer 2

Have you ever thought of going to counseling with him? You said he controlled you by not letting you get a job.Were you starving?Living on the streets?You have a son.Why have a baby if your going to give him to others to raise?I dont know how many daycare workers, teachers, principals,coaches clergy etc I have seen in the last 10 yrs being busted for child molestation.Go visiti a daycare,not for 5 minutes, ALL day for a week.Look at how the kids behave when mommy or daddy drops them off .Staying at home to raise yor kid is not a crime, and if its a job you dont wnat give him to a family who will do it.Now as for friends, what kind of friends were they?Were they kind that said"hey theres this hot studd at the club who is DYING to meet you, he saw you here last week and..."Have you ever gotten into trouble with any of them or done something to upset your husband that you knew wanst quiet right?Are your friends trouble makers and law breakers?Then theres the chance he is a nutcase and dangerous.He may just be very insecure and afraid, a person who is like that behaves the way you described.If at all possible, see if you can get him into counseling, tell HIM to pick the cousnelor because you do NOT want him to think you are stacking the cards in your favor.The counselor should be fair.You can go to 3 and take the best 2 out of 3 if all 3 tell you the same thing then start with self honesty and the willingness to change.

Answer 3

You know he could be using your child just to see if he can really come home but than again your child could be the curious one and wants mommy and daddy around the only person that is truly going to be hurt here is your son not you not your ex. Your son probably wants his daddy home and doesnt realize the stress that dad put on mom. And for the kid's sake i dont think any of the parents should talk to the kid about the relationship or even talk to the kid about what mom is doing or what dad is doing you two are no longer together so who cares what you do or what he does you dont want to involve your child and tell your child what went on and why things became the way they became at least until hes an adult. You do it now just to explain he wont understand and it could cause the kid to grow up and dislike the both of you, you may never know. My mom and dad split and my mom told me why at a young age and she just wanted to explain to me and while dad was out using me wanting to know what mommy is doing and i grew up and couldnt stand my father and i have to look at like this pretty much my dad used me for information and my mom was just letting me know why they couldnt be together and ya know what now that i look back on it i would have perfered for neither of them to have even told me what the hell went on in there marriage it wasnt myne. I just want a dad and a mom and i didnt want them to argue and fight it causes the kids alot of anger in them. So just be careful what you say to your child.

Answer 4

You are doing the right thing in not turning your son against his father. In my divorce papers it stated that neither party can degrade the other parent. My ex always bad mouthed me and my family in front of my kids. He also tried to buy their love, they seen right through it all. Your ex sounds like he was very controlling and abusive, you dont deserve to be treated that way. If you are having a tough time explaining have you considered a child counselor for him? I had my kids in counseling after my divorce which seemed to help. I would also explain to your son that you and his daddy just cant live together and you are happier now. I can garuntee when your son is older he will know the truth. When mine turned into teens and they would get mad at me for not letting them have something or do something, I finally told them the truth, their dad didnt pay child support and it was just my income. But they seen right through their dad when they got older. But dont play your ex's game in trying to use your son. He will know the truth when he gets older, he will see right through him. You are happier now which in turn will make a happier life for your son. So keep your chin up and keep doing what you are doing. You are the better parent for it and the way you used to have to live you were a prisoner in your own home and was being abused mentally by that man. You dont deserve that and neither does your son. You broke that cycle and can now stand strong. When you are happy your son will be happy. Your ex is just using your son to try and get back in your home. Dont ever let that happen! Life is to short to be miserable and unhappy!

Answer 5

you need to sit down with your son and gently explain daddy doe's know why he left, but just didn't know how to explain it to him because he is young, tell him mummy and daddy shouted a each other a lot which wasn't nice, so it was better that daddy left........And then tell your ex what you have told your son and that he should tell him the same otherwise if he doesn't you will tell your son as soon as he's old enough what a controlling selfish person he really is who stopped his mum having a friends etc and I'm sure he doesn't want to come across as been a monster to his son

Answer 6

Just keep reassuring him that you both love him but mummy and daddy cannot live together anymore as it made mummy sad because you were always having rows. You also need to talk to your ex and tell him he is upsetting his son by talking to him in the way. You are doing everything right and not saying bad things about his dad is good.

Answer 7

my ex left when my eldest was 4 and my youngest was 2.

I did the same as you, but 5 years on from that they started to realise, and i told them the truth. They asked why we didn't live together anymore, did i still love him, would i ever marry him again, and ultimately did he pay money for them...etc i answered truthfully. They haven't seen there father in nearly four years and i still ask everyday do they want to see him and they say no, it's a long long story. They are 12 & 14 now and more than able to make there own decision and do and sadly because he hasn't bothered and would rather bring up someone elses children they hate him, which to that i say i you only get one dad, there response to that is there grandfather is more of a dad to them than he is as it's the time my dad spends with them that there own father refuses to do....infact he refuses to do alot of things, i tried reasoning with there father to no avail he deemed it as me trying to tell him what to do, i predicted this would happen years ago and it fell on deaf ears.

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Answer 8

This is just one more way for your ex is using to control you. He knows that if he makes you feel guilty through your son he still has a hold on you. I would get your son in to counseling right away. If your husband is starting to manipulate you through your son it will be damaging for both of you. In the meantime, talk to your ex and tell him that he should leave your son out of it and if he has something to say, say it to you. Good luck!

Answer 9

I think I just wouldnt explain anymore, and if he brings it up when he returns from his dad's just be really excited he is home and say well did you guys have fun? being positive about his visit and deterring him from asking that question.... like changing the subject, and when the question comes around during the day when he isnt visiting just keep things positive like oh your visit is coming soon, want to take Dad some stuff from school to show what you have done this week or something like that....I believe sooner or later he will adjust to it and I would talk to your ex and tell him to do the same keeping things positive.... this situation is hard for them and to keep bringing up the negative aspect of it makes it worse for them...

Answer 10

IF something he needs to take her to courtroom for complete CUSTODY. no longer in basic terms joint.She is neglecting the little ones and putting their well-being in danger by skill of no longer making them bathe,and so on... there is not any way the courts be attentive to approximately all this and nonetheless do no longer something...the two something isn't being stated or very few info have come to easy with the courts. yet as for the quickly meals and homework element...I hate to assert it yet quickly meals isn't a criminal offense and the courts at the instant are not likely to take this as ignore on account that it is all she feeds them,because of the fact a minimum of she does feed them i assume...and the homework element...there is not any evidence that she does this and that i doubt that it may ever be shown that she is doing this(in spite of the certainty that it is probable authentic) it is right here-say and that's how the courts will take it. and that i comprehend him desiring the main suitable for his little ones yet he can no longer anticipate too plenty out of them...such because of the fact the could play activities concern and all that because of the fact some little ones do exactly no longer pick to or in basic terms pick to to thrill a be certain... i'm no longer tryin to safeguard her because of the fact people like her make me ill and that i choose they weren't allowed to be around little ones no longer to show have them yet a number of those issues are in simple terms no longer appropriate to the courtroom exceedingly in a custody conflict seeing as thoughts run intense besides. If I have been him,i could attempt to get evidence of the hygiene issues first and finest considering the undeniable fact that authentic there is proving she is an undeserving mom and he will have not have been given any situation with gaining complete custody of the little ones.