Forgive or Forego?

Question

My husband and I have been together for 4 years, married for nearly 1 year (in April). Around Christmastime I found out that he had been contacting a woman that he works with, and things spiraled out of control. We fought several times on this, and I found e-mails between them saying he was in love with her, then that he was going to leave me, and this last time that they had shared hotel rooms together overnight when I had kicked him out and while I was away securing our new apartment while he worked. The first time, he said he was lonely and was ending it. The second time, I threw him oout for a week but took him back. This third time, I yelled at him over the phone, and he agreed to go to counseling. But this has all been over two months. We are now living in another state, but I am not sure that I can ever forgive him lying to me 3 different times and I still continue to spy on him constantly. I don't want to live in doubt, but I am scared of divorce. Any thoughts??

I have no idea how I ended up in the Answers for UK & Ireland... but just to clear the record I reside in the USA. Thanks to everyone for their insight.
~Babygirl~

Answer 1

Divorce can be scary, especially after being with someone for so long but trust me when i tell you that counselling will not save your marriage. There are trust issues now that will never go away. Be brave and file for a divorce, it will be scary for a while but it will be the best decision you ever made for yourself.
The man doesn't deserve you and you shoudl start looking for the one that does.

Answer 2

First, go get checked for STDs and Hep. If he won't do so also, condoms with sex are a must.
You don't have to divorce. IF you find a marriage counselor who has had specific and extensive training in counseling couples with infidelity, the counselor can be helpful.
Trust takes a long time to rebuild. IF he is honest and allows you open access to all areas of his life, it will take an average of two years to rebuild.
This will only work if BOTH of you want it. He has to be willing to have no contact with the other woman EVER AGAIN! Otherwise, you'll be wasting your time.
Don't identify yourself by being a woman who has a man. Identify yourself as a woman. Period. You need to take care of yourself. You need to do what is right for you.

Answer 3

I am sorry dear, and all the way from India I convey my sympathies. Please continue checking on him, and also change the way you dress and the way you act. Become beautiful and regal. Play your cards right. Dont be scared or divorce. If he cheated on you then its not right for forgiving him. He might do it again. Its time you decided what you want for a change. I wonder how men and women can cheat like this, but if you are loyal to him then make plans to dump him and find someone else. its hard but divorce is not so bad. Atleast as long as you are secure with money and as long as your self respect is intact that matters more than anything else. Take care and relax. Play safe and play hard for your hubby too. He needs a hammer but for a nice person like you, just think of yourself and your needs hereafter evermore. Best of luck and regards

Answer 4

just the fact that you are spying on him says something. you don't trust him and trust is a big part in any relationship. yeah divorce is scary, but living with a cheater is not the answer.

Answer 5

first, what's so scary about divorce, you lived your whole before marriage single.....anyway, only you can decide, you're up to three times now that you have caught him....but you are in a different place now....time will tell; but you can't spy on him constantly, either he will stay faithful or he won't, you worrying about it won't change it.

Answer 6

Either u live with him or u donot. Why behave like a dog in the manger.