children and divorce, I need some advice...please!!!?

Question

I have a 10 month old son, and I've been considering getting a divorce, he is our only child.
our marriage is not going well lately, we don’t get along and he keeps things from me, he didn’t cheat but he just doesn’t treat me well and he does not appreciate any of the things that I do for him, we've only been together for 3 years and married for 2
I gave up my whole life for him mainly because he is very jealous of everything he is always thinking that other men are out to get me and I can’t even go out with my friends I even had to give up my life long hobby. he is not supportive of me in anyway and I support him in all that he does but it just doesn’t seem to be enough for him to treat me well, for even a day.
I can't decide if I should leave him, I don’t know if that would be bad for my son would it be better if I just put up with my husband so that my son can have a better life? does divorce really mess kids minds?? even when they are this young?

I do love him I just hate feeling like I am less and he knows how to make me feel like I'm worthless, he is not willing to do anything to help this work but he does not want a divorce, it's very frustrating.

Answer 1

You need professional help. No, seriously. You should consider seeing a counselor, whether it's through your church, or find one that specializes in marriage counseling and you start going by yourself. You have some serious questions, not only about your life, but that of your son's life, so you need to talk to someone that can honestly help you make some long-term choices for your future. It may be that after you go and start working on your confusion, that your husband may want to start going. If not, don't force it, but at least you can continue going to help you make some choices for you. Please just don't start packing your bags just yet. You didn't just meet this guy and marry him within a week, so don't make any serious decisions right this second so you can get some instant relief. You owe it to yourself and your child to get as much information as you can about what is best for your future and that may take a little while. It sounds like you should probably consider going back to school, or get a job, or another hobby. Somehow I get the impression that you have stopped living in your world and are just living in his, so you have to start making a new place for you. I'm not going to point out all of the "wrongs" that the husband has done, because that is not what this is about. This issue is about you and what's best for you, not him. So please seriously consider seeking some type of counseling so that you can get on the right road of doing the right things for you and you being happy so you won't fall back into making the same wrong choices again, for you or your son. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

First you have a 10 month old son and babies change everything, your energy level, your mindset, your relationship, after only 10 months your hormones are still out of wack. With that said, It sounds like you are now resenting your decision to marry your husband at all, giving up your whole life because he is jealous, giving up your hobby etc. Yes in the long run your son will be affected by a divorce; but he's 10 months old, are you planning on living like this for another 17 years 2 months? Would your son's life be better growing up in a home where his mother is miserable? The biggest role model of a child's life is the same sex parent.....he will grow up to treat his wife the same way your husband treats you if that's what he learns. Just make sure you take the time to make sure you have done everything possible to make your marriage work, if you have, then you have to make the decision if living like this is what you want or not. If not, divorce him.

Answer 3

I sounds like your husband doesn't realize that he has good thing with you.maybe you should try talking things over with a marriage counselor.If things don't get better maybe try giving each other some space, he might realize he could end up losing you if he doesn't change and start to appreciate all the things you do for him. If all this doesn't work then you should leave him because why would want to be in a unhealthy relationship that can later have an affect on you and your baby emotional and mentally.

Answer 4

You have named so many reasons why you shouldnt be in this relationship, yet you only have one that keeps you there. Have you had a honest 1 on 1 talk? Tell him your feelings whether they hurt him or not, you have to be honest. Dont threaten him that your gonna leave or he may just let you do it. Every relationship has bad times no one and i mean no one has the perfect relationship. You also mentioned that u gave up alot 2 be with him, Why would u do that? Never , ever neglect your needs just because you got married. It sounds like you two just lost your way, somehow everything in the begginning use to be perfect. My grandmother always told me the only way to get him to do what you want is to praise him, give him compliments, tell him he did a good job on taking care of the baby, etc once he gets his confidence back you get him back, take it from someone whose been in a relationship for 7years, hope you reach that mark and beyond, Dont give!

Answer 5

DIVORCE THE JERK! My mom stayed with a man like that so I'd have a 'father' . Her just divorcing him would've been better for me in the long run. Besides that do you want HIM being the example of what a man is suppose to be to your son? Find a real man to show him what being a man is about because what you've got is a jealous little boy. Frankly, I'd have rather had no 'father figure' than that SOB. I'd have been better off and so would mom. A happy home makes for a happy child and that is not a happy home.
Me

Answer 6

Your son is too young to remember all this later in life. Do you remember when you were 10 months old? It seems like you have what it takes to move on, just make sure that all your friends and family know how he is so that you can have support when you leave. Always let someone know where you will be going so that you remain safe.

Answer 7

This could only be a temporary problem. Your son is only 10 mos. you are probably tired and feeling unappreciated. Your husband is probably going through his own anxieties and insecurities. It would be great if he would agree to talk to some one with you about these huge changes in your lives. You are probably feeling isolated and needy. I would recomend you get yourself some support. You need to nurture yourself and continue to grow. Do you feed yourself spiritually? Go to a good bible based church. Are you close and open with each others parents? Talk to them. Respect yourself. If you feel there are emotional abuse issues,those need to be adressed. I think you need to look into other solutions before considering divorce. Divorce complicates life and your childs life. Can you look further down the road? Other relationships...attachments for your child. Are they permanent? What about him? YOU BOTH HAVE A RESPONSABILITYY TO YOUR CHILD!!!!! If he's not willing to get it,get some help and support for yourself first and get out.

Answer 8

The best thing you can do for your son is to be in a healthy relationship where you are happy. If you are not happy, your son sees that. Also if you are treated badly he sees that also. Sometimes a divorce is the best thing you can do for your kids. It does not mean that you or your husband love him any less.

Answer 9

Divorce doesn't mess up kids minds anymore than a father who is obviously controling and emotionally abusive to their mothe's does. Your husband is just that, controlling and emotionally abusive towards you. In 99% of these types of relationships eventually physical abuse enters the relationship. Do you want your son to see his father slapping his mother around? I don't know WHY you married him. But the deed is done...if you try to get out of this relationship you can bet he is going to give you a VERY hard time. But the choice is your's either you stay and spend your life "walking on eggshells" or you get out while you can.

Answer 10

It sounds to me like you're completely up his azz and he needs a little space. He probably does love his family and doesn't want to lose what he has, but I really have a hunch that his nerves are a bit frazzled and what he needs more than anything is for you to relax and concentrate on your own life for awhile. I know you love him but don't try to live *through* him, it's instinctive for a woman to do that when she loves a man but it is extremely freaking annoying to men after awhile. It's nice but it reaaaaaalllllyyy gets old fast if you don't give him some space sometimes.