Is this the end?

Question

I'm really confused at the moment. I've been with my husband for several years and I don't feel happy anymore. He's selfish and lazy, he never does anything for me without prompting and he doesn't appreciate me.

Since being with my husband, my ex has expressed on many occasions that he wanted me back. To be honest my feelings for this guy have never totally gone away, I just surpressed them because I was happy with my husband. In the last year I have come into contact with my ex alot, and even as of a few days ago he was complimenting me, and is making it very clear he still feels something for me. I've even starting dreaming of cheating with him.

Am I just doing this because my husband neglects me, or is it my head and heart telling me my marriage is over and it's time to move on??

I have discussed what's wrong in our marriage until I'm blue in the face and it never changes. He says he loves me a great deal but he doesn't show it.

Answer 1

I think that it might be a combination of both.

You are lonely in your marriage, you want more out of it, that is understandable, but you did marry him for a reason. You need to talk to him about it and you need to go to a marriage counselor, they are great at working with both of you either independently and together.

Second: You broke up with your ex for a reason, You need to STOP talking to him, he is making you question your relationship with your husband and if you and your husband don't work things out then yes start talking to him again, but he should not be putting you in this position at this time. You are married, and he should be acting accordingly. With that said..

If you are truly unhappy and talking to him doesn't fix things and going to counseling doesn't, then leave him. It is not your heart and head telling you it is over, you have love for your husband or you wouldn't be asking these questions, and you did marry him. Marriage isn't easy, trust me I know, but you should not think about cheating on him. It is okay to have feelings for an ex but again they are an EX for a REASON, remember that reason.

Answer 2

I think you need to remember that when you where with your ex you were happy then too, until what ever happened that made him your ex.I also think you are just hurt that your husband isn't giving you the attention you need and want. Sometimes you have to be specific when talking to him about your needs from him and the lack of attention your getting from him. Don't cheat on him because that only makes you more confused then you already are now. Tell your ex that you need to sort things out and your feelings before you continue to see him anymore. Make sure that your not returning to your ex for the wrong reasons because that can end as well, you might start regretting that you left your husband for the ex or worse. If you can get your feelings under control and sort thing out about what you want out of any marriage and what you need then make a decision on what you want to do based on what your looking for, not on what some ex is saying or doing.

Answer 3

How many people do you no that has had an affair and it turned out the way they dreamed it would maybe 1% stays together the rest has destroyed marriages and has hurt many,many people.It is never worth it in the end oh sure it's great in the beginning but it never lasts just like your feelings for your husband but with one big differences he is your husband and you have history with him.I'm not talking about boyfriend girlfriend stuff like your ex he just wants you back because you are forbidden fruit.Please don't kid yourself here what you are about to do is destroy a marriage that would of had a chance if not for your ex. You let him back in your life and your not playing fair with your husband. Do the right thing here, if you want to leave him then tell him don't just let your husband think it was him when you and I both no what the real reason is.

Answer 4

There is something wrong in your marriage. You say you don't feel happy, but do you still love your husband. You two need to have a heart to heart talk about your marriage and if no changes are made, it is probably better to get out now. As for the ex, remember why you are not with him anymore. I think you are just looking at good things in him because you are unhappy. I bet he would not be as nice if you went back with him. Ex's always seem nicer when they are the ex.

Answer 5

2 seperate issues here....
Please do not cheat with your ex.
The human mind is awesome as a healing tool. IT helps us forget the bad and romance the good.
If you work hard to do so, you can remember why the two of you broke up in the first place......
If you have done that and you can still see yourself with him, call it off with your current husband.
Do that not for someone else but because YOU are unhappy!
If your ex really wants you back he can wait three months.
He will have more respect for you and you will have more respect for yourself if you do it when you are not married.
Your ex might be on an ego trip trying to validate himself by seeing if he still has it.
Just because he is kind and compliementry does NOT mean that he does not currently have someone (or a bunch of someones)...dont flatter yourself and think that he is sitting home alone tonight waiting for you to make up your mind.

anywhoo, your marriage is over if you want it to be ...or you can try counseling and talking to your hubbby and making it work...the choice is yours and not your ex's. take him completely out of the equation.

Answer 6

First, you really shouldn't be in contact with your ex, that just adds to your confusion! The attention of another man is great for any girls self esteem when she's starved for attention, but he's your ex for a reason. He knows you and knows your vulnerable right now because of your situation, so he's complimenting you...... for what? You really need to deal with your marriage problem without any distractions from any one. If you are truly not happy, you need to tell your husband and maybe separate for awhile, so that he realizes what he could lose. Fantasizing about cheating with anyone is just a way of putting off dealing with the present situation. I realize that it's easier to put it off and not deal with it than it is to deal with it, it's not easy to go through problems in a relationship, but you have to and the sooner, the better! Go it alone and tell the ex, that you need to clear your head and make sure what your feelings are for your husband and make some hard decisions, but his presence is making it more confusing for you! You deserve a loving and caring relationship, take care of you and make sure that's what you get! Good luck!

Answer 7

Is it possible that your ex is only interested again because now that you are married he thinks he cant have you and he likes the chase? I agree with everyone else- there is a reason why he is your EX... dont look back on your time w/ him w/ rose colored glasses just because its easier to do!
DEFINITLY talk things over with your husband before you do anything and tell him how you feel. You will feel horrible and sick to your stomach if you cheat on him. Just think how awful you would feel if you left your husband for this ex and things didnt work out? Is it worth throwing away your entire marriage for someone who you didnt like enough in the past to let him stick around?

Answer 8

You need to give your current marriage a chance and quit talking with your ex. You and your husband should go to marriage counseling to see if you can fix the problems. Don't make a career out of getting married and divorced. Read the book The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura to see if that will help you get those loving feelings back for your husband. You will probably notice a difference in him after you read the book and make the changes you need to in order to be a better wife.

Good luck!

Answer 9

Did your feelings about your husband change before or after you started running into your ex? If you felt disenchanted before you ran into your ex, then you OWE it to your husband to give him a second chance-- and that's only if you don't love him anymore- and to find that out, spend one day alone without him (or your ex) and see how you feel-- are you happier? are you lonely? and is your ex an ex boyfriend or husband and why did you both part? remember the bad things about the ex because he may be playing you right now and you may make a move you will regret. Talking to a counselor would be a good idea--- and instead of dreaming of cheating on your husband-- tell your ex that your life is complicated right now- that you don't know what you are feeling for him or your husband--- and see what he says-- see if he is willing to "wait" for you to decide, if HE is not considerate and only selfish about what he wants now--you have your answer.........it's better to be with the devil you know than the one you don't..........

Answer 10

I understand your confusion. Have you talked to your husband about his slacking in the marriage lately. Remember what you married your husband for, and you have to decide what is important to you. Sure, you may be attracted to your ex, but he is just what he is, an ex. He carries that title for a reason. Grass always looks greener on the other side, but you know what you have right now, focus on that. Try to work it out with your husband, and if it doesn't work, then give yourself time to figure what you want, and if it is truely the ex, then go for it.