Next month my husband and I will be together 7 years. He is 31 and I am 27. He is the youngest of 9 children whose parents were married until the death of one. I am #3 of 4 children of divorced parents. I have a daughter who will be 7 next month as well from my last relationship that he adopted about 4.5 years ago. I am also pregnant with our first baby due in July. In 2005, we broke up for about 9 months due to me finding out about an affair, drinking issues, physical abuse, and him not working. We got back together and things were going really well until the last couple of months. I heard rumors that he is having an affair again (no proof yet), and he quit his job telling me that I work and that is good enough for us. Now while there is no physical abuse, I do believe there is ample mental and emotional abuse. I don't want my children to be a product of welfare or a broken home but at what point do I draw the line and call it quits?
2007-03-09 17:11:28 · 10 answers · asked by Someonesmommy 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
While it is always best for a child to grow up with two loving, supportive parents, it is also better for them to grow up in a strong, stable home. It sounds as if you do not have this. What is your husband going to do when you can no longer work because of the pregnancy, or after the birth. Mental and emotional abuse of you will be picked up on by the kids who will not only be miserable, but believe that is how they should be treated or how they should treat their wife, if you have a son. If he will not go to counseling with you, and find a job, better to cut your losses and move on before he starts getting physically abusive with you again. Good luck.
2007-03-09 17:22:28 · answer #1 · answered by psycmikev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hunny, you call it "quits" when he is not being a good husband anymore, and that was about 9 months ago. He has cheated on you, for whatever reason he needed something else, and that is totally unacceptable, but I understand the desire to have a stable family and you attempted. If he is truly cheating on your again, and he EVER beat you then get out, you do not want your children growing up in that atmosphere. If there is abuse of any kind that is unacceptable and you can do so much better.
Your children will not be on welfare as you are already providing for the family, yes they will come from a broken home, but I believe that a broken home is better than a dangerous and deadly home. You need to draw the line now, you need to tell him look, I love you, but I can't do this myself. Tell him that you think he is cheating on your again, and if you are scared then seek help.
He needs to provide for your family the same as you do. He can not quit a job unless he is taking over the house issues, like cleaning, taking care of the children and so on. Your daughter probably already sees it and you don't want her to equate love to abuse.
Seek help, go to counseling if he will do it, but get you and your children out of that situation.
2007-03-09 17:43:01 · answer #2 · answered by Hawaiisweetie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are finding out what I have said over and over again because I have witnessed it over and over again. A cheater cannot change their strips they only learn to hide it better. He will continue the same pattern of behavior because he was able to get by with it before and you took him back, why shouldn't he do it again? I have stated in so many of my answers on similar questions, a marriage is based on trust, honor, and commitment. If any of those is broken the marriage should considered destroyed. The only ones that say everyone deserves a second chance are those that want another chance at cheating again. They like having the best of both worlds(a wife and a mistress). Even though you think your children shouldn't come from a broken home, do you think it would be better to have this husband of yours living in the same home and providing a role model of infidelity, drinking, too lazy to work, and possibly abuse(if it happens once it will usually happen again when he gets mad enough). I wouldn't want my kids worshiping his behavior, why would you want yours to? Think hard about it - if you stay with him you are just doing so for yourself with complete disregard for your kids. They don't need to live in that sort of environment and you know it!
2007-03-09 17:30:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do yourself a favor, as well as your children, and get out now! Love yourself and kids enough to have the courage to show them a better life, you all deserve it!! It's not gonna get any better,unless you take control of your life and make a break from a bad situation. You owe it to yourself and your kids! He's got issues with himself that he needs to handle, but not in front of impressionable young children. Even if you have to lean on the system to get on your feet, it will all be worth it in the long run! You just need to build your confidence again and you will be able to take on the world!!!! He's a loser and you don't need him, for anything! You hang tough girl and I promise you, one day you'll ask yourself, "What the **** was I thinking, when I hooked up with that loser?" Good Luck !
2007-03-09 17:45:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hes had an affair, he quit his job, hes been drinking, and has not only been physically abusive but emotionally and mentally as well. I think that he doesn't respect you, or his family for that matter, and now is where you draw the line.
2007-03-09 17:27:20 · answer #5 · answered by bretard 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So I am still having this problem, 5 years and my husbands drug addiction and rumors of women, change, more rumors, drugs in the house. It is amazing how we as women give so much grace for the sake of love and to the detriment of ourselves. I for one, have the hardest time letting go. It is only when you can purpose in your mind that you are leaving and will never come back and DONT come back will it be over. The emotional abuse for me comes with him telling me its my attitude he is never home with our two children and he has to do drugs because of my attitude and even with proof of women, he enforces that it wasn't him. So much so that I believe that it really is me and maybe I am acting irrational because of my temper with him. To tell you the truth, after this recent woman issue it is clear that I am staying for him to provide while I go to school and get my nursing license because I don't want to be in poverty and not be able to provide for my children. You do what you have to do and drop him, but dont keep going back and forth, it becomes painful to you and your children.
2007-03-09 17:26:39 · answer #6 · answered by Chrys23 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are young enough to start your life completely over. I suggest you truly look at this relationship and imagine it in five, ten or even fifteen years. It will only get worse. Don't you deserve more than this? Get out while the getting is good. Good luck!
2007-03-09 17:27:09 · answer #7 · answered by mosaic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there is any type of abuse...this is a great reason to leave him...or for him to leave....
I would try to find a counselor..and or ask your doctor for the name of like a low-fee counselor...or therapist...because you might need help....in the future...just in case....
Abuse is abuse....I have certainly been where you have! It is sooo "unfun" ....I hope that you can deal with this...but, before you have to by yourself..see if you can find some extra help...because you shouldn't have to deal with this by yourself!!!
Good luck, God Bless!
2007-03-09 17:23:25 · answer #8 · answered by Rivka 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right now. You think this is bad, what do you think its gona be like in 5 or 10 years?
2007-03-09 17:19:14 · answer #9 · answered by Angela R 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i agree with psyc mike what he said its best cut losses now
2007-03-13 11:48:24 · answer #10 · answered by sweetgranny06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋