When a marriage has gone bad how do you find the strength to end it?

Question

He drinks every night, He will not stay at home with me my nights off. I work 12 hour shifts 7p ti7a so I am not home a lot at night. He spends money drinking and gambling. I just can't take this behavior any more. I have tried talking and crying and talking. even getting angry but nothing helps. He does not see a problem. What should I do? He will not go for counsling

just a little added information. we have no children together. My children are away at school. He does not have custody of his.

Answer 1

Dear Janst
My heart hurts for you. You do pick the wrong guys as many women. You need some time alone to think. But you can't as your children need you. I would say work more but your children will need your strength to get though this and you are ready working 1/2 a day 12hrs is haft day. Do not say there will not be a next time to get married. Pick the guy that is boring. The one that works as hard as you do and can't wait to come home to you and the kids. Girls are attracted to guys that party and drink and are a lot of fun. When what you really need is a boring guy that wants to just make love to you. You say I have not answered your question you are right you have already answered for your self you just wait for the right time hope he doesn't do some thing to hurt you or your children. Good luck you need it. We are here for you.

Answer 2

I agree with L H...if you have kids, leaving should be the very last resort unless.... and this is a big unless......unless, there is abuse at which time you leave right after reading this. If there is no abuse, then you need to try and work it out some how some way becuase the kids need the stability of a two parent family. Some would say that this is crazy thinking but everyone splitting up today is also the reason why you have youth growing up without the proper value system that can only be learned when a family stays together. Yes it will be hard especially if he isn't a working model for your kids and I feel for your pain. But throw yourself into the lifes of these kids and you never know.....by leading the good life with them may be the kind of modeling your husband needs to motivate him into smoothing out his life as well....Good Luck!

Answer 3

Well, just try to find some motivation from thinking about the time you used to be single, before you married him.

Think of all the peace of mind you had, think of all the guys or men who were 'fawning' over you, courting you, flirting with you,

But most importantly, think about your ultimate self,
try to find strength from all these.

Remember, you must love yourself enough to make that decision. This does not mean you are selfish or something.

Marriage vows are meant to be kept and not broken, but sometimes when the marriage is one-sided and the man is making no effort to make it work, honey you gotta get moving.

Try to see if you can salvage what little is left of your marriage, but if you still try and it's not working, give him the 'boot' and remember you are worth more than all the stress he's putting you through, all the tears, all the anguish, all the anger and all the love you are wasting on someone who doesn't deserve it.

Don't let him waste your life.

You have a great life ahead of you, and probably a better man waiting in your future.

Just find the strength from the fact that above all those reasons i have listed, you are BETTER THAN HIM, and you understand love and selflessness more than him.

If he can't learn to give you more love, attention and time, he DOESN'T DESERVE YOU.

I WISH YOU THE BEST IN MAKING THIS DECISION, BUT MY ONLY CAUTION IS THAT 'THINK ABOUT IT WELL, SINCE YOU DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO HIM WHEN HE PRETENDS HE'S CHANGED.

Answer 4

Ending a marriage could never be easy because this means the end of a relationship with someone you obviously were once very happy with. You said he won't go to counseling, which means you are the only one willing to bend here, it can never work that way and you obviously know this, so you should move on and eventually meet someone who can't get enough of you! The only thing to make it easier is time, and hopefully, in the meantime, knowing that you are doing the best thing for the both of you, should be consolation. Good luck.

Answer 5

When you have this kind of a man in the house, do not take this from me as i am a man, but i am quite the doc, first get really angry at everything he does, pretend not interested, go bowling by yourself and take a few nights off, or just take the beer and throw it away

an easier way though, is to work your way through it, it's just a phase men go through, talk to him at dinner, if he drinks beer and yells, just blurt out divorce, if hes drunk enough to yell or even abuse you, hes too stupid to think divorce thoroughly

remember though "till death do you part" you swore on the holy bible † and God says love your neighbors, though hes a drunk, you should try and keep up the work, if it cannot work out and you are definietly done with, than call your friends, on spare time, go hang out by yourself, arcade, dave and busters, bowling, even a drink yourself, but don't go all kungfu on his butt cause that'll just get you a beating

whatever you do, no jerry springer crap

[e-mail] -or-
aol isntant messenger- dufr34k4z01d, the 0 is a zero

thank you and good luck :D

Answer 6

Easy Leave Him Find an Apartment Pack Stuff and Go, 9 out of 10 Times Husband/Boyfriend/Partner is Cheating on you with one of there Co-Workers or a Personal Friends there's.

Just Confront him.

Answer 7

Look, by many accounts I'm a scum. Your marriage hasn't gone bad. It's gone. You can not change him. He can not make you happy. And he shows you absolutely no respect. What is he doing to make you life a better life? Why be miserable. Ask yourself, are you better off with him or without him. You've already answered this. You will find strength by just doing it. You will probably be surprised by how many people tell you it's about time you dumped the SOB.

Answer 8

If you have children I would try to work it out..with counsling..demand for him to go or else. If you don't have children I would split..no need to waste your time. Build a strong support system of friends and family and just leave.

Good Luck

Answer 9

i don't know about strength when you decide to leave him take a few people with you it sounds like he is in denial when he figures it out he wont understand why you are leaving him gods gift to woman kind and you should be thank full to be graced by hes presence

Answer 10

what i tell may not matter if he still in ur heart then u gonna luv him no matter what jus pray honey but dont be no fool maybe rather than divorce try separtion maybe him not being aroun he see whats he is missing out on