My husband's mother - What should I do about mom-in-law & husband?

Question

I have been married for less than two years to an only child and my mom-in-law has been living with us for 6 mo. We are 30 she is 46. She is never home nonetheless I am not feeling this living situation. Nothing wrong physically, just down on her luck for the past five years. I want her out & figure a year of rent free living is enough for a person to save & move on. In addition her lease is up on a car in my husbands name and he is thinking about getting her a new one. I think this is so stupid as she has only been working the past 4 mo out of 5 years and need to get her finances in tact. 4 times she has called and stated she wouldn't be able to pay her note on time. We're adults, why in the hell would you buy a new car for someone that can't even pay rent? I am so frustrated with the possibility that her problems will always hang over my head that I am seriously considering divorce. I love my husband but hate the situation. I also hate that he perpetuate the situations.

Advice?

Answer 1

my first question is this, Do you have room in the basement to hide 2 bodies?...

Answer 2

It sounds like your husband wants her to stay forever...you have to remember some guys love their moms so much and dont know how to prove it...or feel guilty because they treated her bad earlier? whatever the reason, its not good for couples (especially newleyweds) to live with anyone else but the family otherwise its a recipe for problems. I mean couple have enough issues with the new living adjustment and beginning years of livng together. I know a family like that and the gramma was always giving the kids whatever they wanted while the mom said no and then they slowly turned against the mom and basically got brainwashed and were brats who could do whatever they wanted because gramma said so and the husband backed her up. So you only have 2 choices acept it and live with her or your husband will think you are cold hearted because hell think u dont love his mom enough, or talk to him and tell him in a nice way without arguing "wouldnt it be great for your mom to have a great place like this..she deserves it! and show him a nice picture of a beautifully furnished apartment. once she moves in ..and if she is too close to you....move

Answer 3

I guess your husband is ok with this

does she work does she contribute to household expenses?

if she was older that 46 i would probally let her stay myself
but she is the same age as my mom and she just graduated college

bring it up that your just not in to thr situation any more and you think its time that just the two of you just play house for a while but reasure him that when she's older much older that you will help him taking care of her but it's kinda like you two just got marrried out of respect for herself and her son she should give everyone room to breathe
and he needs to cut the emblical cord he's married not and not 10 years yet

I wish you the best of luck how ever this goes just remember you live in the house to a relationship is to compromise and you have for quite some time now it's his turn

Answer 4

So she was only 16 when she gave birth to him. They kind of grew up together. She needed so much help in the beginning of raising him that she may have never learned self-sufficiency. Take it easy. Talk to your husband. Let him know that whatever he does affects both of your credit ratings. He has probably been playing son/man (meaning she probably laid a lot of her personal concerns and emotional needs in his lap from a young age) to his mom for so long he just doesn't know any other way. He feels obligated to her and I can see why. The energy was wrong in their relationship because she became a parent too soon. Its complicated. Be loving and patient. Talk it out with kindness. Good luck.

Answer 5

have had mother in law problems in the past. She is just using her son because she knows he loves her and is taking advantage of that. She is 46. She is still young enough to work two jobs if necessary to get out of your home. Tell your husband how you feel.Just be calm about it use Tell him in a kind manner that you just can't take much more. Ask for a tentative date of when she might be ready to move on with her life.You are married and need to be working on her life. That is hard to do with a third party in the house.

Answer 6

Your husband feels he owes her since she is by herself. Your right in my opinion, shes milking this as long as he lets her and for all she can get out of it. She's not going anywhere no time soon. The worse thing about it is, if you get your way and she leaves between the two of them their going to make you feel so bad about it and it will become your fault at what happens to her. But if she stays shes going to bleed you two to death. Sounds like your husband has his priorities in the wrong spot anyway. Mom comes first and you come second.

Answer 7

Sounds like a bad situation. Put you foot down. No car and time for mom to be moving on.

Answer 8

Your husband can't quit being his momma's little boy. He made the choice to be married and he needs to leave his mother. It is not his (nor your) responsibility to care for her. It sounds like allowing her to live with you it is enabling her to still be irresponsible. This would be a deal breaker for me....either momma goes or I go and let him make the choice.

Good luck!

Answer 9

Taken care of the mother in law problem is your husbands problem but you and your husband have a real problem and you both need to talk to your minister or priest about marriage counseling

Answer 10

Tell your hub she has to go. He can pay for first and last months' rent and deposit on an apartment for her, and she's got a month to find one.