I can't believe I'm in this jam?

Question

Now I always told myself one thing. Never EVER fall for anybody online. Never. Low and behold, I've managed to pull it off anyways. I've been talking to this girl over the net every night for over a year, and it's killing me. Every time she talks about guys I get jealous. Every time she talks about FRIENDS I get jealous. I know you're all gonna say it's not love and I should stay away from her, but how can I do that? I'm a natural born loser. A loner who has been hiding this fact from everybody he knows for years. She is my only real friend, and really all that I give a damn about. Should I tell her about this, cause this is just about the only thing about myself that she doesn't know already.
(We talk through webcams and mics, so we can see and hear each other)
I know. Pathetic right? Should I do anything, or just let it go?

Answer 1

You're just like the rest of us, doing stuff we swore we would NEVER do. sigh. Here's the deal though, you've got a pretty low self-esteem, and feel you have been hiding your true self from everyone for years. What you have been doing is isolating yourself emotionally. You have not exposed who you really are, and live in fear of being discovered. You've set up a situation where you basically can't have close friends, because you deny everyone access to the true you. Enter the cyber-pal. You can expose yourself on-line because there is distance between you. Plus, this distance allows you to idealize her as well. You don't know what she is like when she's standing in line at the grocery store, trying to find a parking place, or getting out of the dentist. On one hand, if this situation provided you the courage to expose your true self....that's good. Because you're going to have to start doing that more without the fear of social repercussions, or your life will be a very lonely and empty one. You need to meet though, if you want to pursue this relationship and get it founded in "real world" "real time" interaction with another human being. If you can't or won't, you know yourself that this relationship won't last. I think you have a choice of going deeper into this relationship, but that requires interaction with her in person. If this isn't in the cards, use it as a springboard to allow emotional closeness with others in the real world. Hey, she didn't reject you. Neither will others. I wish you the best.

Answer 2

I know where you're coming from, actually. No, you're not pathetic; you're different, just like everyone else. I'm going to make two recommendations: first, let her know that you really appreciate her, as it seems pretty obvious, and that you would really like to know her better. Second, go out and play once in a while. Even if you're sitting at a bar, writing in a notebook and enjoying a nice cold Guinness, it beats the hell out of sitting at home. Trust me on that one. (Just don't get so wasted that you can't drive home, okay? Call a cab.) At the very least, you'll meet new people, which is a good thing.

Answer 3

nooo, that's not pathetic and you certainly aren't pathetic! If she really is somebody that you're crazy about, I suggest that you pluck up the courage and tell her how you feel. You never know, she may feel the same way! Besides, it's better for you to know and be rejected by her, than to always wonder about whether she may have said yes if only you'd just asked her. If you tell her and she does feel the same way then great! but if she doesn't that's okay too. you just have to accept and respect her decision, and try to move on. Tell her, you really never know what may happen! Be brave and good luck!! :)

Answer 4

If she is the only person that you care about, the I suggest that you tell her. No, you shouldn't stay away from her cause you need a friend, even if it's only online. The worst that could happen is that she ignores you for a couple of days. The best is that she likes you back.
Good luck!

Answer 5

For god sake, you don't really know her at all, how can you fall for her. Just because you have webcams, that doesn't mean you loved her.
Just be friends first, then try to meet her and take off from there. People are different when you meet them in person. Take a risk, that is what life is all about. If you don't take a risk you wouldn't know how it feels.

Answer 6

Girls are not interested in pathetic. Honestly, I would say you are a minor amusement to her. If you must know once and for all, try and develop a friendship with her, maybe hang out with her and her friends so you can get an idea what she's really like.

Answer 7

well...I think u should try to tell her..cause if u dont u mind end up regretting it..even if u've met her on the net..it's worth a try..so give it a shot cause u obviously care a lot abt her.. and if it doesnt work out like you would have liked, then at least u would have tried. Good luck!

Answer 8

This girl could type anything to you, but you don't know her at all. Stop blowing this "thing" up. You don't know her, she could be just putting you on. Spending time with somebody in the flesh is much different than someone's "words" on the computer. Get wise and REAL!

Answer 9

Is there any way you two could actually meet and date in real life? Then you could at least explore whether the feelings you have for her will stand the ups and downs of a real relationship.

Answer 10

well since she seen u already then maybe hook up for a date a person jus aint the same i f u havent been in their presence.it seem like ur mind is made up so what we tell u means nothing . like if u have no friends and all then what have u got to lose at least tell her before u schedule to see her at least u can jus stop emailing her if its not good news ...good luck