A very tough choice?

Question

I have this difficult choice that I have to fix.

My wife and I have recently relocated to the USA, I have a college degree and lots of experience, but I need to make some money so we can better our lives. I took a job selling tires because it gets me a paycheck fast.

Here is the deal currently I live in Maine, but we intend to move to California. I have two options, stick it out here for 1 month in the cold, living with my grandma, then go to California, or I can borrow money from my wifes parents and go now.

I want to stand on my own, but my wife informs me that living with grandma for 1 month is not standing on my own. She basically told me that if I dont borrow the money from her folks and go to Cali in the next week, she is going to leave me. I say, if you cant make it through the hard times, then take off. Marriage is about sacrifice. So what would you do? Borrow the money and feel like a man that cant support his family, or work and live with grandma for 1 month?

Either way, with what my wife has told me, I dont feel like I am standing on my own. To live with my grandma is not on my own, to borrow money is not on my own. To go to California, with little money and big dreams is a fantasy. Life is hard, and financial security will help me do a better job. I want to sell tires for a month, but I dont want to loose my wife over a job and this cold place. How do I make my wife realize that I am sacrificing my happiness so we can have a better future? I mean really im working with convicted felons, (no problem with that, most everyone deserves a second chance) but I know I can do much better, and find a job that will pay more.

Answer 1

Well, you are correct. In the end, you are relying on someone- which isn't a bad thing. Here's my perspective on the whole deal:

This is a decision that needs to be thought out to one year, even two years from now. If you stay in Maine selling tires and your wife leaves you- what will be your next move? Are you going to keep selling tires? Are you going to move to California after divorcing your wife? What's next for you if you stay in Maine and your wife leaves you?

If you borrow money and move to California and stay married, will you have the money paid back and be living a normal life in a coulple of years with your wife? Will you still be in debt but still be functioning well finanancially? If you move there now and start a career type of job, you will be that much further ahead in two years, even if you were streched thin because you borrowed money.

If you stay in Maine, you will be working. If you move to California, you will be working. What's happening RIGHT NOW isn't what you need to be thinking about. What you need to think about is what's going to happen in the long run based on your current decisions.

If borrowing money bothers you- make an effort to go above and beyond to thank her parents for the favor by either paying them interest or even buying them a nice bottle of wine when you've repaid your debt.

Answer 2

You obviously hate the climate in Maine and staying there would be out of the question. Taking a job for a short term to make money for a move is not a sound idea because the little amount you are making will not allow for savings unless you sell out every tire in the store in that month.
You answered your own question in that either way, borrowing or living with grandma, you are not standing on your own. The only thing stopping you is fear and common sense. If you are not cleaning out your in-laws savings and there remains the possibility of their continued financial help if need be...what are you waiting for? You can get that same tire job at your destination and there is always Wal*Mart or McDonald's until something better comes along. Listen to your wife...this time.

Answer 3

The choice is quite simple, really! I say, stay with your Grandma for as long as you can, so that you can save as much money as possible, trust me, Cali isn't exactly inexpensive!!!! You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders, but got a spoiled brat for a bride.If she wants to leave you, because you don't want to get in debt to her folks, tell her to ROLL ON!!!! Marriage is about sacrifice, compromise and commitment! It's also about two people working together to achieve a common goal or dream!! Sounds as if someone needs to get a job and contribute $$$, instead of NO SENSE! Honestly, it seems like you'd be better off without her, so do what you think is right and stay put, save your money, with or without her! Your a good guy and smart too, she'd be fool to leave you, GOOD LUCK!

Answer 4

If your wife insists you take money from her parents she is making you look bad to her parents. If you take the money from her parents then you show her parents that you are not responsible enough to take care of her. So what if you have to live with Grandma for a month. You at least arranged for you all to have shelter opposed to showing up with no where to go. Your wife needs to let you be a man and do what you need to do to support your family. She needs to trust in you and your abilities and not have her mommy and daddy fix it. She is not treating you like a man when she does that. Have her tune into the Dr. Laura radio show (you can find a listing for your area at www.drlaura.com) as I think she could learn alot listening. She could also benefit by reading Dr. Laura's book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.

Good luck! I know you have a plan for your family and will see it through!

Answer 5

well i think i'd rather be able to save the money and stay with grandma. california is a very expensive place to live, so i think having more is better to get there. besides, you can repay grandma by helping around the house as opposed to owing your in-laws money that could take a while to pay back. aside from that, if she will leave over something like this, then she isn't worth keeping anyway! good luck!

Answer 6

Listen to your wife on this one and do what she asks and get it done fast so she can move and be with you as soon as you get out there and settle and get a place ready for her to come to so that you two can settle together in a secure place. You really do need to make your lives better and i feel this is a good way to do it and once your lives are better then pay her parents back the money that they give you. JMHO.

Answer 7

looks like she is someone who never gona be happy with anything and always gona want more and more (autch)