What is it reasonable for an 11 y.o to do on her own socially?

Question

Go shopping in the mall? meet friends for lunch? Cycle on busy streets, cross busy roads alone?
I know I am being a bit overprotective of my daughter but I wondered what others let their pre-teens get up to without them! She is sensible, mature and I do trust her. She came home from a sleepover with a friend whose parents had dropped them at the mall to go shopping and to the cinema alone. It had never crossed my mind to let her do that before. Maybe I am holding on too tight? She cycles and walks alone or with friends at home freely (as long as I get an approximate return time) but we live in a tiny rural community.
I dread being one of those fussing overprotective mothers but want her to have a childhood too.
What do other 11 yo's get up to?

Answer 1

Here's the thing... I'm 18. And I remember being 11... I did not have much liberty, but I wasn't too overprotected either. My brother is 11 now.
Well.. Rules for him are the same they were for me years ago. He can go to the mall with his friends, and hang out alone, as long as at least one of the parents stay at the mall. They don't have to keep an eye on the kids ALL the time, but at least be around and checking once in a while. Also, going to parties and sleepovers is ok, as long as you know the parents of the friends they're going to and there's an adult around!

Answer 2

My son is 11 and very mature, as of now we have not let him do anything like that by himself. He does stay alone at home for about an hour a few times a week but he has strict rules while he is home. I don't let him cross busy roads, we live near a busy highway. He does go for bike rides with his friends, but never more than a mile from our house. I don't think your being over protective, 11 is still a child a preteen is too young to do those things alone I think.

Answer 3

No way...She is way too young. There are way too many weirdos out there that pray on young girls. She may seem mature but she will not know how to handle certain situations that may come up. Dont let a small town food you either there are plenty of kids abducted from small towns. My kids are going to turn 11 soon and I wont even let them walk home from school yet because they have to cris cross through neighborhoods and cross a busy street. I would rather be overprotective and be able to see them grow up then have them abducted and murdered like Jessica Lunsford and Polly Clase. Sorry but this is the reality of how it is now days.

Answer 4

Sleepovers and shopping are normal 11 year old activities. My parents gave me plenty of freedom at that age to go meet friends without an adult, and given that your daughter is trustworthy, you shouldn't have to be concerned too much. It's understandable if you are protective and regulate her activities, but doing it too often will have her feeling suffocated under your authority.

And if stories on the news about child predators and the like start to worry you, keep in mind that the majority of these happenings occur in areas infamous for crime rate. Assuming that there aren't 30 child abductions in your area each day, then there really is no need to stress yourself about it. Though if it will calm your nerves, having another adult around when she is with her friends is perfectly reasonable until she is about 13 or 14.

Answer 5

I wasn't allowed to go to the mall by myself untill I was 12, but my mom was overproctective compared to my friend's moms. I think meeting friends for lunch is completly fine. Cycle on busy streets... not so sure.

Crossing busy roads alone... well at 11 I was a bit of an airhead. I was once walking to a nearby grocery store to get soda with my sister and we had to cross a street that gets very busy during rush hours but is normally okay. Well I was just walking along not paying attention and I started across the street. Lucky for me my sister grabbed my arm and pulled me back on the sidewalk while a car zoomed right in front of me! My sister saved my life kind of! I would take your daughter on a walk with you where you had to cross a busy street and not warn her about the traffice. No saying "be acreful, he comes a car" and see how she does. If she tries to walk out, grab her arm and pull her onto the sidewalk and wait another year, but if she waits for all the cars to pass, she should be okay on her own!

Answer 6

my school is like a block away from the beach and they have all these stores and a subway and starbucks my mom lets me walk around the area with a group of people as long as i call her before i go.. i can also go to the mall with a group of friends... i dont really bicicyle any were soo??? But for the most part i can do what i want to do as long as my mom has the details...does ur daughter have a cell phone it might give her piece of mind knowing she can call u at anytime it might make u feel better to... its been like that since i was in 6th grade

Answer 7

This is how my daughters group works. They really are very active people. We will allow them to go to sport practice alone. and pick them up after. But all of us parents take turns taking the girls to the mall, ice skating, to the movies, where ever they want to go. We let them go to sporting events at the school as a group. School dances. stuff like that but nothing that is out side of the school. But to tell you the truth at least one of us is usually there all the time. we give the girls their space and they have a ball. we catch up with each other so it's not like we are watching them we are just there if needed.

Answer 8

My 10 year old goes no where without adult supervision. I wouldnt let her go walk the mall alone, but I'd giver her some space, just not so much I couldnt actually see her.As long as she is in sight, Im good with anything.

I dont think its over-protective, it is sincerely cautious. In this day and age, criminals are too bold.

I explain to her, I trust her, I have faith in her to make the right desicions, but I DONT trust everyone else. I dont want her to be afraid, I just want her to be careful. And for me, 14 is were some extra freedoms come in.

Answer 9

You are a good mother and into days way of thinking I am proud of you to care that much that you are holding on so tightly. I think if more parents where as protective as you are then there may be less kids killing each other in drive bye shooting. You are doing a great job keep up the good work.

Answer 10

The only thing socially my girls did at 11 was school w/o me. Or with an adult I trusted !!(Grandma,Aunt)

If they do everything now what will they have to look forward to later. Not to mention all the thing out there for them to get into.....At 11 they are not ready to be let loose.

You are not over protective. My girls turned out great :) We are also rural 3 stop light town...

I would have been p***** at the parents who drop them off..Without asking me first !

Good-Luck