How can i get mean! im tired of being used and called a push over!?

Question

my friends always call me a push over! im always getting used and etc! like for example my ex he forgot my birthday when we were going out but on his birthday i spent $35 on him! i didnt really mind but it was a big deal! i want to get meaner! im in high school and my school is a horrible place, exspecially when your a very nice person! im the type of person who hates drama so sometimes i let ppl have there way! plz help cause im getting really tired of being used a stuff!

Answer 1

You dont need to be mean to not be a pushover. If something doesnt feel right to you just say no. Your real friends will not mind if you are a little more assertive , especially if they know what a sweetheart you can be but dont let people use you. Many times people will try to use you because they know they can and get away with it. If you want to avoid drama , just let the person know that you dont want to do / or give what they are asking and walk away

Answer 2

I have a few things to say about this, first of all if you are being used you are allowing it. Only give what you want to give with no expectations of anything in return. There are givers and takers but to decide to be mean over it doesn't make any sense. If you give to fit in then it is an issue within yourself. You don't have to buy attention by giving so much. I am a giver also and had to come to terms with this myself.

The other thing I wanted to say is that you have the choice to get involved in the drama or not. Don't change who you are in order to fit in either. You still have to look at yourself in the mirror every day. Go with your heart. If your heart says give, then give freely and let it go. All encounters with others are a glimpse at ourselves and an opportunity to learn something to be better people not worse people. Chances are that if you don't give things to some of these people then they will move on to the next victim becasue that is what they do in life. It isn't fair and it happens when you least expect it for people like us, but if you are trying to gain something by giving then that says something about your character as well. Really don't take it personal, this is a good way to find the true character of people, only align yourself with those who recipriocate. Good Luck

Answer 3

What you want to become is ASSERTIVE. Not mean!
You want to be able to stand up for yourself.
Is it because you equate being assertive, & standing up for yourself with being mean that you find it difficult to do so?

There are plenty of examples of people who are friendly, & well liked that are also well known to not be a pushover.
I am sure that you can think of people who are like that in your own community.

You are so fearfull of not being liked by others that you sacrifice your own self-esteem in order to stay in good favour.
Remember, people treat you the way you teach them to.

Take a risk once in a while. Learn to say NO, when it's appropriate. If there is something going on that you don't want to be a part of then go ahead, make waves & say "This isn't what I want to do, so I will meet up with you guys later on"

If someone forgets your birthday, then don't return the favour by remembering theirs.
You said "I didn't really mind, but it WAS a big deal"
So which was it? Was it a big deal, or did you really not mind? I'll bet that on the surface you let people think that you didn't mind when your ex forgot your B'day but deep inside, it was a big deal. By keeping your mouth shut, & not making waves, that's one thing, but then to go & get him a $35.00 gift for his B'day you sent out a clear signal to everyone around you that YOU DON'T MATTER!

But we both know that YOU REALLY DO MATTER don't we!
So don't get mean, NO! Just treat yourself like YOU MATTER, & don't let anyone else get away with treating you any less, & you will soon start to see a change in how people really do treat you. ;-)

Answer 4

You be the way you are girl. Just not twice with the same person. Learn who is to be avoided and don't go back.
But why would you turn mean if you have the gift of goodness? By being yourself you'll find other people like yourself and be happy. If you act mean other good people won't like you and you'll end up having to be with other meanies and be unhappy.

So: cherish yourself, just protect yourself from people you know are mean. So, it cost you $35 to find out your ex is a cheap creepo to be avoided even as a friend. no big deal, money comes and goes, and now you know what's he all about and NEVER give him a second chance, look for other people in good people settings, like volunteering places.

I think you're nice and the world would be worse if you changed.

Answer 5

Ok im going to say this fast because I know what you mean, right.

I am a big pushover 2, I always offer to help people and do nice things and sometimes I get nice things back however!!!

Do not change who you are sweety, why would you want to become just like the people you dislike? if you give and give and give and your bf dont give back sooner or later... then you should just keep giving but find someone who loves to give 2 =)

Nice people dont finish last :P

My girlfreind gives loads and loves the fact I have a "giving" personality, it makes you a good person and I find it soooo attractive in a girl =)

Answer 6

Honeychild, you don't have to be mean for people to stop treating you like a doormat. Besides, being mean is so unlady-like. What you need to do is to re-invent yourself. Keep saying to yourself: I REFUSE TO BE USED. I REFUSE TO BE USED. I REFUSE TO BE USED....Say it a 100 times a day, if need be. Pretty soon, you are so convinced that you are no longer the super-nice person that everyone takes advantage of. Instead, the "new" you is a tougher version of the old you (still the nice person BUT now you know how to say "No way" and actually mean it).

The change is not gonna happen overnight but you have got to start soon --- like on Monday....Good Luck!

SMILE!

Answer 7

okay, it's horrible to be a push over. I have a friend like that too. People always say mean things to her and she doesn't stick up for herself. You don't nesesarily need to be "mean", you just have to stick up for yourself and be open with others. Be confident and let people know that you aren't going to allow them to treat you like that. When there's drama, don't back down so easily. If it doesn't involve you, don't get into it. If someone tries to suck you in, say "i don't really want to get into it, sorry." if you're in the situation yourself, deal with it as nicely as possible without giving them their way completely. Try compromising too. As for the ex boyfriend gift thing, that sucks a lot and you should have let him know how you felt when he forgot you. Good luck and i hope all this writing helped! =P

Answer 8

You are not the dramatic type, so don't try to use that as a tool. You should use the element of surprise. Appear to be nice, and ensnare your enemies. That is superior to people who try to use brute force or intimidation. This way you can be very "mean" but have the reputation of being nice, so you get the best of both worlds. Study any politician to see good examples of this.

Answer 9

You have two options.
One is, be nice and a pushover and just accept that that's how you are.
The other is, be nice and not a pushover! ;) You don't have to cause or participate in drama, just have enough self respect to be able to voice what you think is right.
For example, for your birthday, you should have told your BF "I am so upset you didn't think of me on my BDay! I deserve a BF who buys me something nice or at least makes me feel special".
You don't have to be mean, you do have to practice letting people know that you won't be pushed around. Once they do, tell them you didn't like it.
Good luck, just practice it gets easier as you grow up but you def don't have to start acting like a b**ch!

Answer 10

Don't go out of your way to get mean. Being a kind person is a good thing. Just choose your friends more wisely, i.e. choose to hang around with people who will appreciate you, not use you.