Every time we fight, he brings up divorce?

Question

I dont get it, every time an arguement happens, he automatically says then lets do what we need to do, we are both not happy..then he says he should of left when he had the chance..Does he really mean it? if so, wouldn't he of done it already? Why is the word divorce always thrown into the fight. I know I can be a pain, and a nag, im the first to admit that..but why does he always use the word divorce as if it is nothing. is this how he feels about our marriage? that its nothing?

Answer 1

yep he wants a divorce. sorry if that hurts - but my ex always did that too, and now we are divorced. maybe hes getting up the nerve to go through with it for real. but the point he keesp on bringing up lets u know its surely on his mind. save yourself the time and just move on now.

Answer 2

I doesn't automatically mean that he wants a divorce. A lot of guys lash out when they feel hurt and insecure. That could be his way of trying to hurt you back.
That being said if this relationship is going to last you both need to do some talking. Sit down and in a calm and rational manner tell each other what makes you mad. Look at why you are fighting. A word of caution, I guarantee that you won't like everything that you hear. If this doesn't work I would recomend some couples councelling.
It is a normal thing to fight, if you are committed to the relationship then do the work to make things right. If you can identify that you are a bit of a nag then start there. Ask yourself how he might see that. Maybe he thinks that you aren't happy with him. Men aren't as big and tough or made of steel with no emotions as they portray themselves.
Good luck and best wishes!

Answer 3

I know many people whom tend to say things that they do not actually mean. I had a boyfriend who was very passive. I then had a husband who was passionately cruel and very cold with his words. Unfortunately I adopted his cold ways in my next relationship. I have gone through counseling and learned to control my fierce tongue. It took awhile to stop fighting with my boyfriend the way I used to fight with my husband. I think it is easy to fall into a pattern of talking bad to a spouse the way that they may talk to you. So I would think that after awhile you may fall into the same hurtful words as your husband if you don't get him to realize how hurtful his words are to you now. I myself would tell him when you are not arguing that his ultimation of divorce everytime you have a minor spat is unacceptable. I mean what would he say if there was a serious problem in your marriage, maybe he would not say anything and go to a whole new level of abuse. Hard to say but i suggest you get help if you want to stay married which I believe you do. I also would look at the way he was raised was his family so loose lipped? Good luck, marriage is not always easy but it should be treated as a lifetime partnership, with respect and genuine commitment.

Answer 4

Yes, he wants a divorce. He regrets not leaving sooner. From experience I did the same thing. Every time a argued with my husband I would say "I am going to divorce you." And yes I filed for a divorce and I am in the process of one. I feel so much better. No more arguments and we are getting along just fine. Good luck!

Answer 5

he really does want a divorce, just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean it won't happen. all it would take is for him to get into one affair and he would be gone. this is exactly the way he feels about the relationship, he will eventually leave, so unless u begin communication there isn't too much hope. he has no hope that problems can be worked out, and if given the chance any chance he will be gone.

Answer 6

You better prepare yourself for the day is walks out the door because it is going to happen.All he is waiting for is someone to give him the courage to leave and she is out there he just hasn't found her yet but when he does he is gone.He is a perfect candidate for a full blown affair and when it does happen she is the one that will get your husband to leave you.It happens all the time and the wife is at home by her self wondering what happened.Here is the chance to do something about it before he does find that woman out there just waiting to take him away from you.This is the chance no one gave me,save your marriage now before it is to late.Let's hope it isn't already to late and he has someone.

Answer 7

If he continues to yell divorce, then I'm sure that what he means. And when you are arguing, then what better time to bring it up? He is not going to bring it up if you guys are getting along, so when he has the perfect opportunity like an argument, then that's what he does. Don't force him to stay with you. Let him go on his marry way. Whats worse? Being with a man that you know doesn't want to be with you, or just moving forward with your life in hopes to find someone else that actually loves you and is happy with you? U be the judge.

Answer 8

Most likely because he’s tired of the fighting, and his opinion is ‘if this is how it’s always going to be, we need to end it’. If you don’t want the marriage ending in divorce you (as in both of you) might want to try a little harder at making it work (whatever that will take), because he may be reaching the breaking point. Just my personal opinion.

Answer 9

If he is saying it, somewhere in his head he is feeling it. I suggest counseling because whatever is going on is deeper than a spur of the moment fight. If he won't go to counseling, there is your second clue....Sounds like he is looking for a reason to leave but doesn't actually want to be the "bad guy" and call it quits. Get a counselor, good luck!

Answer 10

Two possibilities. He either actually thinks about divorce, or he'll still be saying that silly stupid crap fifty years from now. Both of my grandparents threatened divorce several times a day, until he died at 71. They loved each other, but were a little odd in how they showed it. But, it worked for them.

Answer 11

How do you interpret "let's do what we need to do" as divorce? Next time tell him, "OK, let's. Should we look for a marriage counselor together, or do you want me to find one?"
You may be assuming too much or you might be dealing with an emotional blackmailer who knows no other way to end a disagreement. In either case I recommend counseling.