As you might have read i just had my 3rd baby. Now when i was prego we didn't have sex alot. Seemed he wasn't really interested. I got very insecure because of this, but figured it was just because i was pregnant. Well now it is 7 mts after the birth of my son and we have been close all of 1 handful of times. The insecurity i felt when i was prego is 3xs worse. I haven't went back to my normal weight yet. I am like 30lbs heavier than i normal am. So of course i think he isn't attracted to me and thinks I am a fat. I tried to talk to him about this but it doesn't seem to get me anywhere. Our relationship is in big trouble and I don't know how to fix it. Anybody got some advice for me. I love my husband and he loves me but something got lost.
2007-03-09 15:19:21 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to get you some confidence and work it girlfriend. Put something sexy on fix your hair set the mood. Being attractive and sexy is an attitude! We get so busy being Mommy what happen to the women he could not keep his hands off while getting you pregnant. Don't let the babies stop you from being the woman you are. Give him the best fat girl sex he ever had. I would have his tale sprung! Go on dates get a babysitter. Get some stripper shoes and outfits step your game up send him sexy emails and notes with secret places to meet with surprises tell him dirty little things you dream about with him being the center of attention. Ask him to meet you in the closet and when he come be naked and give him some closet sneak a quickly. Forget about formality and get real! That is too long for you not to have sex with a man you say you love and who loves you.
2007-03-09 15:37:48 · answer #1 · answered by tressroy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have taken a very important step. You asked for help. There is help out there. You whatever you have to do to find it. There are retreats for couples such as Retrovaille. They have awesome results. You may want to write your husband a loving letter. Make sure you don't point fingers. Another thing. You should take care of your health so that you can be the best wife and mother you can be. BUT.... do not put yourself down. You are precious to God and you are made in His image. Your husband may think that you are not interested. Find and babysitter and get out of the house TOGETHER. Even an hour having coffee can do wonders. This needs to happen on a regular basis. It doesn't have to cost a lot of money. If you have trouble finding a sitter, find another mom you can swap out with.
Seek counseling. If he won't go, you go alone. Please don't let more time pass. Remember when you first met. What attracted him to you. What was the sweetest thing you did to make him feel special. Oh yeah! When the baby sleeps, you sleep. You need your rest more than anything. Simplify your life. Don't kill yourself trying to be the perfect mom or wife.
God bless you and your family. I see a great future for you all.
2007-03-09 23:37:57 · answer #2 · answered by lost again 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The real question is - did you have sex alot or regularly before you got pregnant? - the first time, second or third? So now you are 30 lbs. over your weight when...before the first...after the second or between the second and third? I may be off base here but is this a repeat and you are saying the same thing that you were after the second child? The weight has to go...and yes people say thew weight shouldn't matter...IT DOES! Why do you think men are from Mars...stop pointing fingers at us and saying - if he really loves you the weight won't matter? It does matter - 30 lbs over is enough to change your physical appearance to make you look like someone other than who he married....sorry..but that's the truth...yes...you have had three kids...but I also know many women who have three kids and still stayed inshape after each birth....it is not easy...but it is possible...having troubles between people is normal...it is also normal to find solutions...
2007-03-09 23:49:32 · answer #3 · answered by RealEYES 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Couples therapy. A safe space where you can both share your feelings may help you to open up a little bit.
You are right to try and talk to him, but maybe you just need to get away. Get a babysitter, or take the kids to grandma's and get your self some sexy panties and a bottle of wine and just jump him.
He may be feeding off your own insecurity's, so you might just have to take charge. Try and recreate what it was like when you were first dating, when you couldn't keep your paws off each other.
It will all come back to you, it may be a little awkward at first but give it some time and you two will be expecting number four before you know it!
2007-03-09 23:26:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Perhaps he's overwhelmed by what he has. Lots of responsibilities. Or, deep down, he's terrified of the possibility of another child. Or, some other reason, that you'll never know, unless you get the guts to ASK!!!! This is just your marriage. It's stupid to sort of drift along day after day, hoping that somehow things will get better. Find out what's bugging him. And, it may not be the first or second thing that comes out. As long as you love each other, and have the guts to try, you can fix this.
2007-03-10 00:15:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's hard to know how to answer this because I don't know your husband. How important is physical attractiveness to him? I know that everyone wants to be attracted to their lover, but for some people it's a dealbreaker.
Some men lose interest when they feel stressed. Maybe he's worried about the additional financial burden of another baby, and it's somehow getting mixed up with having sex. Maybe he feels as if you spend more energy on the kids instead of him and he's resentful. I don't know. It could be a lot of things.
If he won't talk about it, it's kind of hard to tell you what to do. Could you broach the subject of counseling? Maybe he just doesn't understand how important this is to you.
2007-03-09 23:24:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sorry to hear that. Put your insecure (your weight) behind.... I think a man attract with woman not only because of her sexy body.. the most important things is communication between you and your husband. Try to find out what make both of you fell did not comfortable... When you plant flower, you must shower with water and make sure that your plant will not dry and healthy. One day you can see that your flower will start to blossom. So.. shower your husband with your love.... spend time with him... be a best friend of him (like before you got kids).. I believe you can see the blossom flower between you.
2007-03-09 23:57:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
The birth of a child has a huge effect on both parents. He might be feeling overwhelmed, it is number three. He might be afraid of dropping number four. Talk to him. Oh by the way the weight shouldn't matter, you did just have his baby.
2007-03-09 23:25:56 · answer #8 · answered by mundo808 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Jersey. This sucks! Normally I would give a smart answer. But I'm going to be straight with you.
Those 30lbs got to go. You have to trim down for yourself so that you always remain hot and smokin and confident.
This is what has kept me with my woman for so long. She has always been strong willed and slim & sexy even after 2 kids.
Also, you can start going on Date nights. Have the old hag mother in law come and watch the kids while you have a date. This rekindles the love I promise.
2007-03-09 23:26:07 · answer #9 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Get someone to take the kids, or get a babysitter and take him out. Either way you have to be alone with him, and show him that you want him without the kids being in the way. Now get this straight..... Every man likes his wofe taking care of his children, NO man likes being with a MOMMY. None of us. Wife YES..... MOMMY=NO Be his wife and leave the mommy with the kids.
2007-03-09 23:53:14 · answer #10 · answered by Patrick G 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋