Please help me.:(?

Question

Let me begin off by saying please do not judge me with what I am about to tell you. This event in my life has plagued and scarred me forever....I have NO ONE I can talk to, no one I can relate to. That's why I'm here right now. I want to try and ease the burden :(
I was with this guy for about 6 months. We grew really really fond of each other and I really did love him. Problem is...I am from a really conservative and traditional family and my parents wanted to have have NOTHING to do with him. They actually never even knew we went out. I never told them about him. In the heat of the moment, I did some stupid things that I so deeply regret now. I actually stayed at his place for a weekend and lied to my parents. I did so much stuff to hurt them, that I swear I get nightmares at night as I sleep. The guilt haunts me. I knew, at the end, I had to choose between him or my family. I loved them both dearly, and knew my parents would be heartbroken and completely just...gosh, they would

just die....that is how religious and traditional they are. I did not want to hurt them. I did not want to hurt anyone but knew I had to make a choice. I hinted to the guy about my plans and the predicament I was in. Although he tried to help, he could never understand and all he would anticipate was that "everything will be fine". Well, I knew everything would not be fine. I knew my family too well, and I did not want to be disowned :(. I had no choice but to gosh...it pains me to say this (please dont hate me or get mad)....I faked my death. I didnt know what else to do. I COULD NOT HURT HIM AND JUST TELL HIM I PICKED MY FAMILY OVER HIM. He would have been heartbroken. Granted I know he cried and cried now. But atleast he moved on. Atleast we ended our goodbye's on a "I love you". The pain is so bad that I cry so much everyday by my decision. I dont know why I got myself into this stupid mistake when I was so young, Can anyone please easy this guilt I have? If I chose him...

0 seco

I would have left and deeply hurt my family members. ALL of them. If I chose my family, I knew I would deeply hurt him. I just could never win. So here I am.....5 months later crying my eyes out because I can never ever be happy. Whenever I get happy, I start to remember the horrible thing I did and my eye's swell up. I am in college and it pains me to see so many couple's around me so happy....and then see myself so miserable. I understand that cultural values are important, but I cannot change my family's tradition. I havent spoken to anyone about this since it has happened. I am scared to mention anything :(.

Please help me cope...

Answer 1

You did the right thing by choosing your family, but why fake your death? It would have hurt less for less time if you had just come forward and told him what was up. I still can't really figure out what the problem was. I know it hurts, but it will get better. You are in my prayers. God bless you.

Answer 2

You always choose your family!
it hurts to loose your boyfriend now, but you know about all the statistics out there... it was bound to end eventually.
Just be happy that nothing worse has happened, like you were pregnant or something like that....
Anyhow, come clean with your parents and tell them how you feel and how sorry you are.
You might just underestimate them.
Try to approach just one of them if it makes you feel better, obviously the one that you feel will be more able to understand your situation.
YOu do need to come clean to them however, because otherwise you will never forgive yourself.
Just remember Blood is thicker than Water!
Your parents love you more than anything. Besides, faking your own death... it scared them to death. They probably lost a good few remaining years of their lifes, but on the positive note, not much else can shock them now!
Come clean, and let me know what happened, email me at [e-mail]

good luck and may god bless you

Melanie

Answer 3

Is your question for real (not that I judge)?
If you're sincere, I've got a request to make too. I make no bones about it: I, like your family, am traditionalist in many ways, and I therefore ask you not to mark me off. Maybe I might be able to help you out of the rut.
I can understand the pain; it must really hurt, torn as you are between your friend and your family, both of whom you love.
It sometimes happens that way. Husbands and wives getting into affairs, and later, having to choose between the lover and the family. Growing into full adulthood - a phase in which you find youself - may also hurt.
It is too late to undo some of the things you did. It also makes little sense to reveal to your parents what has happened to you, unless you are pregnant in consequence of this relationship. If not, what for? I think you just might have to live with this experience in making the right or better choices later on in life.
Perhaps one lesson you'll learn from this is to use your head, rather than your heart. Passion or infatuation, can be so strong as to cloud one's better judgments; we can't use them in making radical decisions for they often lead to unsavory consequences. True love comes to those who wait.
It was unfair of you to lie to your friend. Sooner or later, you'll have to rectify things, including possibly, letting that friend know (directly or indirectly) that you are still alive. Hence, another lesson: learn to accept responsibility for your own decisions.
For the moment, since it appears that your parents might disapprove of the relationship (it's really not clear why they would not like your friend: your narration leaves a gaping hole) and since you remain their dependent, you'll have to let go of your friend. Maybe later when you would have been more mature, perhaps you might find a way to get back to the guy.
Shedding oceans of tears will not solve things. Sure, they will make you feel miserable and sharpen your self-pity. For some, it's therapeutic. For me, it isn't. I suggest you move on.
Maybe next time around, you would be wiser.
There's one sure remedy for your misery: pray to God.

Answer 4

Young lady No one can change the past.
If you were raised with a biblical back ground read the story of David and the sins he made
Adultery ,having his woman's husband killed ,getting this woman pregnant , had children who hated him , had so much blood on his hands they sang song of how he had killed tens of thousands.
Yet in the end he was called a righteous man a man after Gods heart.

This can be your end result also seek your creator and learn to forgive your self. Then move on with your life.
Every human on earth has done something stupid in their life you are not a lone.
God will forgive and bless you

Answer 5

One thing you cant do if you want to be happy is to let guilt kill you. You except what you did and you move on. You cannot change the past you can only learn from it.
At this point you need to find peace you have cry-ed enough now let it go.

Answer 6

you only get one family but there are plenty of guys out there for you to love. good choice going with the family, but if you had given it more time you might have thought of an easier way.