If your husband tells you that 10 % of him wants a divorce, does that mean the marriage is doomed?

Question

We have been married 4 almost 3 yrs, we have had lots of problems, seperations, domestic violence (on his part) and things like that, and a few weeks ago we got into an argument, I asked him did he want a divorce, and he said he didnt know, and he asked me, I said 50/50. We lack communication, and I was willing to go to marriage counceling, but he was not. We have 2 children, and I am having a hard time dealing with this, when I tell him I am done, it's over he says, no he has no where to go, or he can't afford to pay me child support and pay rent and utilities, and all...I often wonder if I am not just wasting my time. I wonder if maybe he doesnt want to be with me either. I need as much advice as possible. We have been married almost 3 yrs, but we have been together for almost 8 yrs. It has not been pleasent either. Please give honest advice, this is very serious. Thank You!!!!

Answer 1

Captain pull the nose up, were going downnnnnnnn~~~~

Answer 2

It really seems like a shame that he isn't willing to at least give counseling a try, just to know that you tried every possible thing to hold your marriage together. On the other hand if his domestic violence issues are ongoing, then that is a definite deal-breaker for you and your children. Did you ever have good communication? If you did, then maybe there has been so much chaos and hostility to be in a place where you can actually talk normally and calmly. It takes TWO to fight, so if he starts one, resist the urge to fight back, your kids sure don't need to hear this, and it won't help with communicating. Before you make such a drastic decision to end the marriage, maybe a separation would be the next best choice, just to figure out if, in fact, divorce is the best solution. It might not seem like it now, but I believe every problem in a marriage has a solution, that is of course, if both are willing to acknowledge their own wrongdoing and take steps to correct them. Being married myself, I know that even if I don't "feel" very loving, I sometimes have to force myself to "act" that way, but then my husband responds in a loving way and I get over whatever had me upset. I really wish you well, and hope that you both can find a reason to work through this.

Answer 3

I think marriage counseling is a good idea but since he won't participate it won't help. I don't think couples should keep divorce as a last option, that is, unless the relationship is really bad. If domestic abuse is an issue than that's serious. I think you should sit with him and talk about the underlying issues that may be causing the fights. Usually it's something that hasn't been resolved. You have to have communication. there is no marriage without it. There was a reason why you married him in the first place, so maybe you both could rekindle that love. You also need to figure out what you want and take it from there. Good luck !

Answer 4

I grew up seeing my parents qurrel whenever i see them together. Best solution is to talk! talk, talk, and talk. Really, it helps. When you keep anger to yourself, that's what causes all the depression, anger, and violence. Try and talk to him, seek for professional help; that's what they're for. Have a family meeting once every week and talk. Be true to your feelings and what caused you to feel that way. Try and solve the problems together. You need to know what the problem is and find the solution. Two is better than one, and sometimes, you won't know unless, someone actually tells you what it is.
Keep in mind that you're not trying to have a fight with him or make him feel disrespected/angry/offended in anyway. You don't want it to sound like "It's all your fault!" You want "Okay, here is the thing. This is what I would like you to do. I'd appreciate it if you did and I thank you for listening. Let's try and solve the problem together. Now, tell me what you think and what you had on mind."
This helps for you and your husband as well as your children.
Oh and when you get divorced, since he has no job, you'll probably have children's custody. But still, I think your husband needs to get a job and pay a reasonable amount of his part for his children, < Also, he said, 10%. Doesn't mean the marriage is doomed but it is a warning sign. You and your husband need to co-operate with each other and try and fix the matter before it is too late. I know you have your own life, but you two need to think of your children as well. It's not just you and your husbands problem and it can really have a great impact on them. Also, if you can't miss the fight, then do it someplace else. Children(esp if they're young) learn from what they see. Specially when they're young, the environment is really important. You don't want your children to suffer, do you???
Don't feel sad, I'm sure you can sort it out.

Answer 5

I was in the same situation but I prayed about and waited for an answer. If you are a religious person and your husband is unwilling to seek counseling- --pray without ceasing. If you are not seek a neutral third party to mediate your differences. I don't think he really wants a divorce because if he did- broke or not he would leave- that whole I have no where to go is another way of saying I don't really no where to go. B4 u give up seek help and time has an awesome way of healing things and if you still love one another work-it-out! Your beatiful children deserve that at least- I am not sure how serious the domestic violence is - but if he's abusive perhaps he needs to get help thru a local self help group for abusers.

Answer 6

Darn, you make it tough. I'm always rude or sarcastic. But you seem serious, and not a fool. OK. First, you can't stay in this marriage. You might be able to change your relationship, and make it worthwhile, but what you have now sounds lousy. I'd say give up, but you have kids, so as long as you aren't browsing through gun catalogs, or dreaming about hit men, there is hope. But, you can't fix this alone. So, sit your husband down and tell him that things gotta change, and that neither of you know what to do, or you'd have done it. The people both of you liked enough to marry are still there. You both need to find out if you still like that person.So, counseling- or the door. He will either go to counseling, move out, or threaten to kill you, or himself. Your problems have been building for years, so fixing them won't be quick or easy. Your marriage has just been neglected. You guys forgot that the kids will grow up, jobs will come and go, and no one can know what tomorrow will bring; but it doesn't matter; if we have the right partner, we can handle anything life throws at us.

Answer 7

First of all may I ask why in the world are you still with this guy if he is abusive to you and has hurt you this way? Get out now and do not look back.... File for divorce asap. Since he does not know you do the right thing and file here. Do not let him play these mind and emotional games with you anymore. Since he is not willing to go to any type of counseling for help for this marriage and for him as well it is not gonna work out or change I am sorry to say. HE will not or ever change if he will not seek help for doing so.... You will be much better off without him in this case.

Answer 8

doesn't mean it is doomed, means there needs to be some changes, if not the marriage will be over with. think if he did have somewhere else to go that he might already be gone. when something like this happens i think both parties have so much pride, and because of years and years of unresolved problems it is hard to even consider sitting down and talking to one another, but if u want to save the marriage u have to, someone has to begin communication. we always think divorce would make us happy, but u know it really doesn't, not when we know that divorce is going to happen, we always go back in our minds, and feel regret, wishing we had talked it out, or communicated a little better. most problems are caused by people just not having the skills to work out arguments. marriage therapy would help alot, if u can go it would help u see things in a different light.

Answer 9

Without counseling you are headed for a dead end marriage. You both seem destined to stay in a relationship that is not working due to lack of finances. Do you have family that would be willing to help? Whatever happens those kids have to come first.
Sometimes starting over (even though it will be rough) can be a blessing. Getting rid of the negatives will eventually allow you to better your life. Money can be obtained through struggle and hard work. Peace of mind and happiness have to come from within.
Best of Luck!

Answer 10

Both marriage and divorce are huge steps! So both of them need to be handled with care. I believe that the two of you need to do everything you can to work through your marriage. do you still love this man and does he love is a starting question. If love is still constant on both sides then the two of you need to address all of your problems. Don't bite your tongue. Allow him to speak as well. Try marriage counseling. If he rejects then you have no choice, but to let him go. But if he tries to go then give this marriage everything you have. You posted this question because something in you doesn't want to give up! I pray that something in him doesn't want to give up either. Communicate and don't be afraid to be honest. Address the real problems. Give it all you got! And in the end if you two do get a divorce then be helpful. allow him to get his own place and settled before you throw him on child support. But I am hoping you guys stay together!

Answer 11

I always say to people if you are not happy with someone and its just yourself you are worrying about stay, I mean its your life if you are staying with an abuser who refuses to go for help. BUT you have brought children into this mess and there has been domestic violence on his part. How selfish this is to stay from fear or whatever and allow your children to be forever scarred from witnessing violence. Get out of this marriage think about how your kids will more then likely find an abuser of their own to marry if you stay with a man like this. Why stay with an abuser it makes no sense to me at all and you are NOT showing anything smart to your kids at all.