My husband works 6 days a week. I work 5. When i come home from work he is always playing his video game?

Question

I feel like I have to force him to spend time with me.And when he does spend time with me, its for like 2 hrs, then goes right back to his video game. I feel like this stupid game is his escape from me. He gets mad at me when I bring up the fact that he plays too much. Im always 2nd in his life. I feel like we both work so much, that when I come home, he should want to stay with me. He says I make him miserable, but thats only because I love being around him, and he thinks it's to much. he feels that he shouldnt have to spend every minute with me, and hes right..but i shouldn't be second best either. i would never put him second. I dont know what to do.

Answer 1

That is a long work week. You should really try to start playing video games with him. On the day he works that you don't start practicing, then surprise him one day by playing with him. If he stops playing, then you have a serious problem. However the most likely outcome is that he will be psyched. I doubt that you are "smothering him," probably he is wound up and stressed out from work and trying not to take it out on you. If you get up in his grill "try(ing) to find something to talk about" you are only going to add to his stress level. Guys don't like to talk. All stereotypes have a basis in fact. Try jabbering on about your day or his day, or even the most interesting freakin' topic in the world and you will only make things worse. Sit with him (silently) and play whatever game he is playing with him, and he will know he is a lucky man.

Answer 2

If he says you make him miserable, there must be something more to it than what we can see here. If wanting to be with him makes him miserable, then HE has a problem. Either way, it will continue to snowball if you don't address it as a couple and get to the bottom of it so you can make a compromise. I don;t know how old you or your husband are, but I think playing video games is a very juvenile thing to do if you are an adult and have a spouse. It's NOT normal by any stretch, unless he don't want to grow up! in which case, he shouldn't have taken the wedding vows in the first place.I don't think God meant cling to one another( if you don't have anything better to do) when He made part of the vows "and the two shall become one" . I'd turn off the t.v. & let him know you are done playing games, LITERALLY. Does he ever have dinner started? the floor vaccumed? laundry in? If you are both working full-time, the jobs should be 50/50! If he does HIS part, then compromise, tell him if he does this & that, you don't MIND if he wants to "play" for an hr. but h should be willing to take responsibility BEFORE playing. Would he let his child go out & play if he had homework to do????

Answer 3

He may not be trying to escape from you, but possibly his work life. 6 days a week is a very stressful, and videogames may be his outlet so he doesn't just lose it.

Have you tried embracing his hobby instead of trying to make him feel bad about it? Maybe try sitting in the same room where he is playing and show an interest (minimal, at least). Soon he will answer your questions about the game (no matter how stupid you think it is). Then all of a sudden you got things in common.

It's a two way street, and I understand you think him playing is about you...but I can almost guarantee it isn't.

It that doesn't work, you may have to bring up couples therapy. It doesn't sound great, but if he appreciates you and your relationship, he'll do what it takes.

Answer 4

My husband and i have the same problem. i realized i made it worst by nagging because then he really wanted to stay in his game room. i started being pleasant when i wanted to scream, sometimes i used sex to get him away from the games. the nicer i was the more time he spent with me and the happier i was. i also realized that the games were a way for him to relax and NOT to get away from me. Men and women are very different we over think, out talk, get emotional, and cry. Men are totally oposite. they do not talk as much, when they say something that is what they mean. It is made worst if you pick it apart. read a book or take a hot bath while he is playing games. When my husband has been playing for a long time i call him on the cell phone and tell him i am soaking in hot water naked and if he wants a challenging game come home and play with me. we are both a lot happier.

Answer 5

Yes. But sometimes as boys grow up its hard to let go of playing. Unfortunately every guy I knew who didn't stay at home often for many years didn't want to for reasons that made me think that it wasn't a very good marriage. But if its only during baseball season be supportive. He will then want to come home when its not baseball.

Answer 6

Get your self a video game, dont cook and dont clean, not even your self dont wipe your butt and when and if he trys to get close tell him he is in your space, dont be so needy give him the silent treatment do this for a couple of weeks then kind of go back to normal except for nagging him off the games
Join a bowling team walk the dog take dancing lessons find a job with less hours and more pay

Answer 7

If you make those two hours meaningful, then his going on the computer would probably be a refief for you both:)
Everybody needs space, so try to accomodate him and leave him to his computer for about an hour and then try to do something to get his attention.
I don't like the word miserable though, Tell him it hurts you to hear that.

Answer 8

Your husband should come to my house play video games with my husband (shift work, then video games), and you and I can go out and pick up some hotties. We could probably even bring them back to my place, our husbands wouldn't even notice they were there. We could probably introduce our newer models to the older ones and hubbies would just say "uh huh....that's nice...look, I got to another level!" Pretty sad that us girls have to compete with a machine that never asks them to pick up their clothes or shovel the snow....

Answer 9

you know, this has been the problem with me and my married friends for years, men just don't get it, if you want to be wise--save yourself a lot of grief, and keep busy, he does love you, you wanted a man and this is him, for years i used to say to my husband ''why do i see other men shopping with their wives at the mall? patiently sitting there while she tries on clothes!!'' w/him it was go in, chose it, and get out--wow--what fun!
we cannot change the man, here's what you can do-- be patient, try to do things to keep busy-then tell him for instance on Sat. for say 2 hours---you want you 2 to go shopping [or whatever]--then write it down and put it on his dresser, like a date, my husband doesn't like spontanious things- my man could play those games for hours-trust me-you are not alone,

Answer 10

in a marriage you can go through times like these,pray about it and just talk to him, and if that don't work pray some more. Divorce is not always the answer, and don't let a video game destroy what god has brought together