We had a fight...?

Question

My best friend and I had a really big fight. He doesn't live near me, but he does live in the same country.

We had a fight about school. He's a year older than me. I'm in my last year of school and I have to do pretty well this year (which I know I will, i've got my whole year planned out and i'm well ahead in all my subjects). If I do well there is a chance I might get to go and live with him next year and go to Uni. Which I really want to do.

He's putting so much pressure on me to do well. I've got it under control but he doesn't see that. He's actually angry with me at the moment because I'm sick with the flu and missed the due date for an essay which doesn't actually count for anything towards me going to Uni. And to top it all off, he didn't even attempt it himself.

So I yelled at him, then hung up the phone and turned it off. We never fight or anything.

How can I tell him that I do have this year under control? And that what he's doing is making it worse for me?

Thanks

Actually, I have complete say over my body. He does not want me for sex, i've known him since I was very young.

Answer 1

As guys, we have a "fix-it" attitude. If a problem is presented to us, either ours or some one elses, we address it by trying to solve it in the first way that comes to mind. If the initial approach doesn't work well, we work at it harder, striving to correct the situation, figuring that the rest of the world just doesn't see the brilliance behind our strategy, and they should get with the program if they want results. I feel like that's what's happening here.

To break this stubborn cycle, you must first bluntly explain that this initial approach is not helping you or your situation and is in fact making it worse, but also(and this is the key), you must suggest an alternative route for him to "fix the problem." Perhaps he can edit your assignments or otherwise assist your studies. Otherwise he will feel impotent and weak in regards to the issue, a condition that no man can stomach.

Answer 2

Your friend is excited about you possibly joining him, so it's natural to pressure you to do good. He may not realize that he is being too pushy. Positive and a small amount of pressure can help you do better but this is too much. Let him know that you appreciate his concern but he his going a little too hard on the pressure. Tell him you have planned out the whole year and that you are ahead of your subjects, and tell him about your good grades. Hopefully this will help him realize that he is getting all worked up over nothing.

Answer 3

tell him you really appreciate and value his opinion but the pressure he is putting on you is not helping. tell him you would have loved to have done the essay but since you had the flu it was a necessary sacrafice and that does not mean you are blowing off uni.

Answer 4

Just talk to him and let him know that you appreciate his concern, but that him being overly concerned is stressing you out and making it harder for you to concentrate. You should be able to talk to him about anything without getting the 3rd degree, especially regarding school.

Answer 5

It sounds like he's using you for sex. IF he really cared, then he wouldn't pressure you so much. You're doing your best right ? then that's all he could ask for. Keep your chin up, good luck.

Answer 6

You have a good point, but you need to tell him very tactfully.

In the meantime, I'd recommend some courses on interpersonal skills, perhaps some charm school, so you can avoid these types of problems.

Answer 7

BLA BLA BLA , STOP GIVING HIM ALL THAT POWER OVER YOU. SIMPLY TELL HIM WHAT YOU JUST TOLD US. THEN ASK HIM TO STOP PUTTING PRESSURE ON YOU. PERIOD!!!

Answer 8

mello out u will be fine