why do women forgive?

Question

Why do women forgive infidelity in a marriage? I've heard all the excuses. . . vows are better or worse (last time I checked they're also forsaking all others), he's changed (once a cheater?), it was my fault I wouldn't do things with him or I was too tired to do it so he had to go elsewhere. I've also heard the excuse that it takes more courage and strength to stay than to leave (from someone who's been there. . .leaving is damn near the hardest thing I ever did). So as I was sitting here reading different questions that women left asking whether or not they made a mistake in giving their cheating husband a second chance, I read alot of answers from other women that said "no, I gave my cheating husband a second chance too." Why is it that women forgive so easily and don't feel that their self-respect and the respect from hubby has been compromised?

I'm not trying to decide whether or not to forgive a cheating partner. 4 years ago I left my husband of 9 yrs. I was sitting in my attorneys office the day after I found out about his infidelity. My divorce was final 30 days later and I haven't looked back since. I don't think I can ever forgive him for what he did to our family though I don't hate him (it takes way too much energy and time to hate him and he's not worth it.) I wasn't and am not bitter. I am currently engaged to a man who treasures me. I also don't understand why women use their children as an excuse not to leave. Do they really want their children thinking its ok to cheat? I just wanted to ask the question to try to better understand why some women decide to forgive rather than leave.

Answer 1

they stay out of fear of the unknown, already having a low self worth anyway from the betrayal, they also forgive because they believe he came back because he loved them more than the other woman, and they feel flattered, but really he probably just came back because he got dumped. actually leaving is much harder than staying there. leaving means u loose the person u loved, and your life as u knew it.

Answer 2

Forgiveness is not easy ... when you love someone and have spent years building a life with them you start to bond withthem and you forgive so you don't lose that bond, that love, that magic that happens when you truly let it go because you truly are a better person for it. You sound like a good woman and I wish the best for you! You can forgive and still have self respect ... and even more so.

Answer 3

Simply because we can't be bothered with all the hassles of severing a marriage or relationship.
At the end of the day, all the mind games don't work, and meeting up with another partner may not be the answer.
Ask if they want a second chance, if the answer is no,"goodbye Pal"

Answer 4

let's face it women are emotional..when their husbands cheat and ask for forgiveness with all those teary puppy eyes.. wives get gaga over this..because they think they love their man and couldn't live without them. that's the wives weakness.it's actually ok to give second chances but never a third..that's abuse to one's self already... yes, some vowed for sickness and in healthor for better or for poorer.. but it was never stated there that when abused already still stick to him..we have every right to let go when abused or cheated a zillion times because it's affecting the well being of the wife or the husband(if he's the one being cheated on).

from my point of view women who forgives their husbands who has cheated alot of times and still forgive them are weak and couldn't face the pain of being alone, or of shame..they never think of their well-being that the longer they stick to their cheating husbands the more they are dying inside..

Answer 5

That's a tough one. One time in most cases is more than too much. Search within your self. If your self respect and happiness is worth anything to you, a change may be in order.

Answer 6

Women have a right to do what they think is best for their own marriage - as do you. No one knows the man or the situation better than the woman who makes that choice.

Often on this board we get manipulative, slutty women who are having affairs with married men - agressively ASKING for ways to charm or catch that married man for themselves. If a man cheats it's his fault. But a woman has a right ot chooce whether to give up years of marriage for a slutty woman who is after that spouse. Let people make that choice without being judged.

Everyone men and women - deserves a second chance if he/she is willing to do what it takes to fully recommit to the marriage.

Answer 7

I dont think that they ever truly forgive, or forget for that matter. I guess the thought of starting a whole new life can be daunting. I guess In the womans eyes it is easier to stay. But beware, this is where bitterness and resentment come in.

Answer 8

We forgive so we can move on, we forgive so we have more room for love, we forgive because we too are not perfect, we forgive because we love, wo forgive to avoid being bitter old ladies, we forgive to strengthen our spirit. We forgive because deep down we know it's not our fault, and it has nothing to do with self respect ... it's truly a miracle when we do forgive. Best of wishs to you and your family.

Answer 9

Good question! My mother taught there is going to be a lot of forgiving we will need to do to have a peaceful spirit. This quote always reminds me to have a forgiving spirit.
~ To err is human ... to forgive divine ~

Answer 10

I was married for 15 years and I didn't forgive. We will always be connected because of certain things in our marriage, but I had way too much self respect and pride to allow that after so many years. Not all women forgive.