Hi, I am Lori's husband, I have had a problem showing my wife I love her for about the last 5-6 years. She finally got fed up after years of trying to make me understand. By the time I opened my eyes as too what my problem was and started reading books and trying to fix it, she had pretty much given up on me. She had prayed that I would wake up and now that I have she says it is too late. Can a woman open her heart to the same person again after he has hurt her that long? She knows she still loves me but fears I would revert back to my old ways once I gwt comfortable with our relationship. She says if she could open up I would be the best husband she could ask for at this point. The last 6 months have been a real eye opener for me. She has agreed to go to a biblical counsler to see if she can overcome her fear. If not, she will be gone. What can I do? She is so scared of me and I love her with all my heart. I would love to hear from another woman who has overcome the same situation.
2007-03-09 13:09:47 · 15 answers · asked by 0000 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Too little too late . sorry brother after the switch turns off it is usually too late. If she gives you another shot God told her to so be better.
2007-03-09 13:17:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can only try your best, be honest and sincere. Admit your mistakes and hope she beleives you. Actions - show how you have changed, don't just tell. She will be alert to inconsistencies. And if you make a mistake admit it as soon as you know you erred. Good luck to you, I hope it works out. A counsellor may help her understand that it is more important to move forward and forgive in an established relationship rather than starting a new one with someone else. And for you - look back, but don't stare. Keep your eyes on the road ahead, however that plays out.
2007-03-09 13:19:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should check out this web site, it has alot of wonderful advice and prayers for marriage problems. It is The Family Room (http:family life/family room. You know living in fear is an awful thing, I went through it, and still am at points, although it is alot better than it was 2 years ago. A person's mind is against them, but the Bible says to forget the past, don't dwell on it. If you are a Christian and you want to live in God's will, you must train your mind to do that. This website will help you, it has me. You should also share it with your wife, it will help her as well. I will pray for you two, hang in there. God Bless!
2007-03-09 13:19:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all i want to commend you for seeking for help for this. This takes alot and i respect you for this. Sit down and breathe and stop beating yourself up over this. Sit down with her and talk with her and tell her how sorry you are for this and for what you have done and that you love her very much and want the marriage to work. Ask her to forgive you and tell her you will do anything to try to work on and save this marriage. Tell her you are willing to go to marriage counseling with her. I do not feel this is too late for you at all. Talk to a local pastor as well and seek help for this. Ask people to pray for you and for this marriage. Mkae sure you go to counseling with her. A great website is http://www.marriagetoday.org and email Jimmy and Karen Evans for help in this matter as well. Good luck to you and your wife and i hope and pray that God will heal your marriage as God is bigger then any problems in life. I suggest you read the book the Power of a Praying Husband that is written By Stormie Omartians husband. You can find this book in Walmart, Target and other bookstores. Becoming a praying husband may help you through this time and trust God completely for your marriage and for your wife.
2007-03-09 13:47:04 · answer #4 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have had a long term relationship of 7 years and my fiance is the exact same way you are. We have been through many things and there was a time I was ready to throw in the towel and let it all go, but then after many talks and tears we both decided counseling was our last option so we tried it,and things got better, the biggest thing for you to do is to openly communicate your feelings with her and let her do the same. Also lavish her in affection and let her know that she is truly loved, I hope it all works out for you both, GOOD LUCK
2007-03-09 13:17:55 · answer #5 · answered by flirtygirl25 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so ive been in a similar situation,i was with someone and i tried and tried to get him to change and after several years got sick of being walked all over(he was very controlling and physically and mentally abusive) so I decided i could do better, so i found someone who made me feel important even though i still loved my previous partner, after a while he realised he wanted me back and started to do really crazy things, well anyway he had a car accident and it made me realise i still did really love him(im not saying go and get in a car wreck)but the thought of losing him scared me to death, she needs something to make her realise she has made a mistake, whatever that may be and it might be something she has to learn without your influence or input.
I would definatly keep trying to prove myself to her and try to show her how you've changed, send her some flowers and love letters, expressing how you feel but dont be to pushy you might scare her away, you need to prove to her.
good luck anyway i hope you find what you are seeking
2007-03-09 13:26:44 · answer #6 · answered by mel_leno 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it's possible but it's not going to happen overnight and you're going to have a few hoops to jump through before she can risk trusting again.
I was told once that it takes twice as long to repair the damage as it did to create it. So you're looking at some serious dedication and time here. It's a shame people have to push things to total distruction before they finally wake up.
2007-03-09 13:21:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if you are genuinely interested in repairing your marriage and your wife's confidence in you you will have to continue to be patient, and show her that you are not going to revert back to the old ways. I was in a similar situation, but didn't believe my partner because he was way too forceful that he had changed.
2007-03-09 13:17:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone is different, so there are no general "right" answers. All I can suggest is that you be patient with her. You can't expect to win her back over night. Give her the time and space she needs to figure things out and get help. Also I would offer to go to counseling with her.
2007-03-09 13:15:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is possible for her to love you again and open up to you. You should both be going to counseling, not just her. It's important that both of you see the counselor - perhaps seperatly and together, you need to get your feelings out and understand eachother so you can move on and build a future together.
2007-03-09 13:13:12 · answer #10 · answered by Rawrrrr 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think once the soul has been wounded it is difficult to fix.
Sorry you had to learn more compassion when your marriage is doomed, but you can take it to another relationship and practice it.
In my case, turning my back and walking away would be the only option for a better life.
I would let her go.
2007-03-09 13:16:50 · answer #11 · answered by me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋