Help, child's father wants visitation rights, not sure?

Question

My daughter is 8yo and her father lives out of state..We have had a child support order for the last 3 years and he still always has an excuse not to pay. He does call and email her regularly though and we talk and get along just fine. I am now married and have moved on. Last week he states that he would like to have some visitaion rights. I told him okay but it will only be holidays and summer and he would have to come get her and bring her back. He feels that it should be more time and that we should meet half way. We live 15 hours away from each other and both of us have a hectic work weeks. Should I agree to have more visitation, find a compromise, or should he just take me to court? Also where does he file for vistation rights, in the state he lives in or in the state the child lives in?

Answer 1

he has to file in the state the child lives in, and even if he takes it to court, if he doesn't pay child support, he has no rights. you're being gracious in letting him get the child at all. and the court will also tell him it is his responsibility to take care of picking the child up and bringing the child home at his own expense. I know all this from personal experience. my father never paid child support, and the courts told him he had no visitation rights. Also went through it with my son.

Answer 2

Just to clarify on what people above have said - everyone who said child support and visitation are linked are WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! Most courts will NOT link those two concepts and if you try to you will be fighting a losing battle. Most state family law statutes specifically prevent the two concepts from being linked. The court will not require him to catch up on payments before visitation nor will they punish him by not allowing visitation.

Visitation is about allowing the child to have a healthy, full relationship with each of her parents so that she doesn't grow up feeling abandoned and unloved.

Child support is about making sure that a non-custodial parent shares the financial burden of raising a child. In my opinion, a child should NEVER be told that a parent is not paying child support - just creates bad feelings.

If she is 8 years old she is old enough to have extended visitation with her father. It should be staggered at the start (ie start with shorter visits and move to longer visits). Given the distance you live apart it would turn into some kind of alternate holidays (spreak break, winter break, summers). Usually the parents share the burden of transportation - either splitting the cost of a flight or finding some other way.

This is a GOOD thing for your daughter and if you can work out a civil compromise you will ALL win in the end.

Good luck.

Answer 3

If you never had a "formal" court order for visitation then he would have to file for visitation. He would need to get a lawyer to be able to handle the legal issues of both states. His not paying regular child support against the order (in most states) really has no bearing on visitation-- they are two separate issues. If she is 8yrs old, there probably isn't much he can do about seeing her during the school year (like weekends) but things like spring break and Christmas will probably be split between you two. Summers he would probably get a large portion of. Chances are, if there is a visitation order, they will have you meet 1/2way or they would have you drive there and him back. It just depends on the judge and the states. You say he lives out of state so I am assuming you are still in the same state you were when you had the child or lived with him or whatever. If that is the case and he moved away, it may all be on him to handle. If I were you, I wouldn't do anything, leave it up to him. You will have the ability to state your concerns once he puts the wheels in motion. Good luck!

Answer 4

This sounds like my husband...except that he pays his child support.
You would be better served to come to some common ground on this because a court will probably allow his request. And then you will end up giving up more than you wanted to give.
Furthermore, your daughter has the right to know her father, no matter what kind of a bum you think he is. He will file for visitation in your state, since that's where the child is.
My advice is this: You can get together on this and compromise on your own or pay lawyers thousands (I'm not kidding!) of dollars to come to the same agreement. You look better in court if you are in agreement, and you will be happier in the long run. Don't be a malicious mother, don't be a bag. I'm not saying "give him what he wants". I'm saying that compromise, cooperation and consideration are ultimately better for YOUR DAUGHTER. It's about her...not you.

Answer 5

you might have married and moved on but that doesn't change the fact that he his her father i am a firm believer in people paying child support but he has every right to see his child.i would think if all parties have hectic schedules then it would only be fair to half the distance.it would be more simple to have a court order decision on the visitation but i would think with everyone being adults until the court order comes the adults can work this out fairly easy.i would say the court in the state where you filed for the divorce would be the one to decide the issue good luck.

Answer 6

Yes.. the father has a right to see his child. You can take him to family court in your state and county for child support. If you don't take him to court for the child support, he will get away with it again. Also you can establish the visitation days. This will assist the both of you without fighting. Unless you feel you can work this all out by yourselves. But I have only know one couple to work this out. Its very difficult not to fight about it. If you both have the child in mind at all times, this helps.

The child deserves to have a relationship with both parents. Parents should not fight in front of the child nor use the child as a pawn. The child should not have all the stress in the presence of the parents. This is an injustice to the child. Sometimes court is good.. the child is protected by his/her own attorney. Some times people get out of control and try to control the entire situation. You are both responsible for the child, so act responsibly. Remember, how you act, the child is watching and learning from you. Children need healthy relationships, so they can grow up to pursue healthy relationships for themselves.

SO good luck.

Answer 7

Be careful about the holiday thing....he may want her on Christmas.....and I dint think you want her gone then. Other wise, if he wants to see her...he comes and gets her, it is that simple. Plus he needs to pay you child support as well. Or what may even be nice and if it is OK with you...that would be to put the money into a savings acct. for college later. If you have lived without the support this long, then make sure that your daughter gets it when she can really use it.

I wish you the best....don't forget to see how you little girl feels about being that far away, its not like she can call say that she is scared and wants to come home....you can't just run over there and pick her up.....Just remember that because she is 8, she still has a voice in all this, and your x needs to understand this as well.

Answer 8

How long has it been since the child actually saw her father? With that question out of the way, let me approach the second issue, child support. Just because the father is not paying child support does not mean you can keep your child from seeing her father...those are two different issues. If it has been a long time since the child has seen her father, I don't suggest that she 'go away' with him for an extended period, this may be traumatic for her. If her father really wants to see her have him come to you and visit her for a short amount of time. If he does file it will be filed where the child lives. Hope I helped somewhat. I would file for support when he files for visitation....saves you some money. If he has a perm. job, you can have his wages garnished!! You should be getting support, its only fair for your daughter.

Answer 9

If you are divorced then there should already be a custody/visitation order drawn up and he is entitled to see his daughter according to that order. Also child support is not payment for visitaiton. He has the right to see his daughter whether he has paid or not. He should not have to come to her for visitations all of the time. She should be able to fly to where her father is. It sounds to me as if you are trying to prohibit his vistation rights and IF he has to take you to court you may not like the outcome. Again, if there is already a visitaiton order the he shouldn't have to take you to court...you should comply with that order...or YOU will be in contempt

Answer 10

I think you should find a compromise and meet him some where in the middle but if he takes you to court he probably will only be granted holidays and summers anyway because of the distance. He should file in the state the child is in.