is this considered emotional abuse?

Question

i wanted to ask this question with the one i posted before.... but any how my husband told me when he married me it was just for looks.... i have two children and gained alittle weight... now he tells me he can never really show me any love unless i lose the weight because he didn't fall inlove with me for my inside.... do all men feel like this? or is this considered emotional abuse?

Answer 1

He's so shallow and yes that's emotional abuse.

Answer 2

You're right to think it is emotional abuse. Probably feels like a slap in the face, right? It's also incredibly insensitive and shallow. It's threatening too...lose weight or I won't love you.

Real love isn't and shouldn't be dependent on how you look. No matter what, people will grow old and not look like they did when they first met. Women pretty much always gain weight when they're pregnant. He should be thanking you for bearing his children, not getting on your case about a few extra pounds. Too bad you can't make him pregnant...

In terms of other men, I've gained and lost weight while being with my hubby (up to a difference of 50 lbs), and he always tells me that he loves me just the way I am. But to be fair, he's gained some weight too. I guess I'm just lucky to have that support. But I think marriage is about accepting the other person's "imperfections" and loving them no matter what.

You should talk to him about how you feel and let him know that his behaviour makes him look "ugly" to you. You don't deserve this abuse. Also, especially if you have young girls, you don't want your kids growing up thinking that looks are all that matter.

Answer 3

My partner is the same way. In fact, he had the exact same reaction when I put on weight as a result of breaking my toes, which unfortunately took almost a year to heal. I don't think it is ALL the reason he is with me, and he does love me, but it is a huge trigger for him. He can't pass an overweight woman without commenting how disgusting she looks. It was really, really hurtful when he stopped loving me, and felt my weight gain was me not loving him. It's horrible and awful. I have come to accept that is just part of him, and I think he has gained some acceptance to a degree. My fitness is important to me, so I don't find it is a huge issue for me (now, it sure was then). It comes from his relationship with his ex-wife who was very overweight. I don't understand the extremity of his feelings about it, but all I can say is as much as it hurts, it's his issue, not yours, and he is certainly being selfish and unkind.

Answer 4

No not all men feel that way and don't let him convience you that they do! Yes it is mental and emotional abuse. You deserve more respect than he is giving you. This can also affect your children and if he can't show you love because of weight gain that is just an excuse. He should have married a cardboard cutout if all he wants is the outside of someone! Chin up girl and don't let him get you down! You AND your children deserve better!

Answer 5

Sweetheart, I can tell from your other questions you are concerned about your marriage. Yes...your husband is being a bit blunt and I can see where that would hurt your feelings terribly. I sincerely doubt he married you just for your looks, though. Maybe he just wants you to see a bit more feminine? Maybe he needs more of the romance you once had? I would suggest reading "Fascinating Womanhood" if you really want to gain his attention again. Or even "The Surrendered Wife". If you are a Christian, "The Politically Incorrect Wife" is good. You are also invited to check out my website www.christiandomesticdiscipline.com. Christian Domestic Discipline is not for everyone, but it works for many, no matter the size of the man or the woman. God bless you.

Answer 6

All men do NOT feel like that! And I would consider it emotional abose if you feel that way. That is an extremely hurtful thing to say and I think your husband (sorry) is VERY shallow. I am a very big boned woman and weigh more then I would like to but my husband always tries to tell me that I look beautiful and he loves me for who I am. A husband should be supportive and loving not nasty and rude! If I were you I would put him in his place.

Answer 7

All men do not feel that way! Do all women feel that way about the men we marry when they put on a belly and grow hair in weird places...NO. If that was the only reason he married you then he is not really been fair to you or himself he should have married for love not looks and you deserve to be loved for who you are, not only your looks. Emotional abuse in the fact that his comments are meant to hurt you emotionally.

Answer 8

i don't think that is emotional abuse but how do you guys have a good marriage i mean a relationship is about communication and obviously u guys do not have deep one on one talks, i would go crazy if i could not have that type of connection, and i can assure u that no most men are not like that, my fiance and i have been together for 4 years and we still cant shut up, i could not be with someone who did not love me for me, my soul, my heart, my inner beauty. Its sad to say it but you are missing out on good love, and u have children with this man, well just hug and tell your children how much u love them each night so they dont grow up like your husband, cold, heartless, un emotional dead man. i would no be surprised if your husband cheats on you. good luck and watch him

Answer 9

Abuse is any habit this is designed to regulate and subjugate yet another individual by technique of using concern, humiliation, intimidation, guilt, coercion, manipulation and so on. Emotional abuse is any style of abuse this is emotional relatively than actual in nature. it may incorporate something from verbal abuse and relentless complaint to extra subtle tactics, inclusive of repeated disapproval or perhaps the refusal to ever be overjoyed. Emotional abuse is like concepts washing in that it systematically wears away on the sufferer's self-self assurance, experience of self-nicely worth, have confidence of their very own perceptions, and self-theory. whether it particularly is complete by technique of consistent berating and belittling, by technique of intimidation, or below the guise of "education," "coaching", or "suggestion," the outcomes are comparable. at last, the recipient of the abuse loses all experience of self and remnants of non-public fee. Emotional abuse cuts to the very center of a individual, coming up scars which would be a great way deeper and extra lasting that actual ones. relatively there is examine to this result. With emotional abuse, the insults, insinuations, complaint and accusations slowly consume away on the sufferer's vanity till she is incapable of judging the placement realistically. She has grow to be so crushed down emotionally that she blames herself for the abuse. Her vanity is so low that she clings to the abuser. Emotional abuse victims can grow to be so confident that they are valueless that they suspect that no one else could want them. They stay in abusive circumstances because of the fact they suspect they have nowhere else to circulate. Their superb concern is being all on my own.

Answer 10

Sounds like to me I would insist on him going to therapy. He is selfish and mean to say that to you. I suppose he has not lost a bit of hair and all is the same. He should love you for your inside. It sounds like he is treating you like a peace of meat. Yes its emotional abuse. Put your foot down and insist he get help or get out.

Answer 11

ouch. your husband should be the man in your life who you feel the most comfortable with in all the world, someone who respects you and loves you for you. You need to think about what kind of marriage you want to build, and talk with him about it. If it turns into an argument, take some time away from him, give yourself some space to think, and do it in the presence of people who you KNOW love you for you inside and out.