Please read these poems i wrote and tell me whick one is you favorite.(the / seperates the poems.)?

Question

the sky is streaked with gray and gold she gets up out of bed. She doesnt know whats coming, she doesnt know that it holds dread. She walks out side to cross the street but doesnt look both ways. when she stepped out she only saw the lights flashing in her way.she wakes up to hear the words of an unfamiliar voice. If she wasnt mistaken she could hear a trace of saddness in his voice. she starts to feel weary and goes back to sleep never to know how cruel her fate was and bleak./


A man, condemmed to a fate unjust. whipped like an animal 40 lashes. The pain is excrutiating but he holds strong. Dragged against his will, but still he wont lie about what he belives in. It is for you he is doing this. Lain on a cross, hands and feet droven in with a nail piercing his skin, still he doesnt deny. raised up in a crowd of mockerers laughing at his pain. Finally he decides it is enough and calls it to be over/one woman sits at the front porch each day, the poor one begs for food, her hair turning gray. one woman scofs at the other ones worry the other one has to live in a hurry. the rich woman is not really rich in the soul, the other one,d rather starve than eat something stole. They each have a chance to accept who he is, but one is just to busy she just has to live. One women dies at peace with the earth. the other one died in labor giving birth. The rich women sat looking up at the poor, and she begged for just one drop more. The women looked down at the pitiful soul, she widhed she could help, she could have some control. But in the end no one could turn back time, the woman was lost she left in her prime.

I do not live in tamil nadu, sorry. Here is another poem.
what do you want from me? I thought we'd been threw this before. The sadness is over, thats what the tears were for. When we'd las said goodbye, I thought it was forever, I was glad. But now that your back I cant sleep, dream, or blink. To ease my pain now, i lift my bottle and drink. But it doesn't ease the pain all of the time. I am tired of being in sorrow, i cant take it any more. Is it time to say goodbye to this life? It would be better than this pain. But wait, how stupid have i been? My life isnt worth his mistakes. I've got more to live for than him. He isn't worth my time anymore. He should have thought twice before he walked out the door.

Answer 1

I like both but if I had to choose I would choose the second one. It seems more profound. You're a good poet.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Do you live in Tamil Nadu? So strange, but when you mentioned Jesus Christ in your poem, it reminds me of a girl I know by the name of Esther who is crazy about God.

The first poem is good, but some of the verses have too many words to maintain the rythmic balance of the poem. The second poem is more like prose, however.

Answer 4

I was instantly drawn into the first poem. It evoked mental images and caused me to want to know what events brought her to this moment in time, what thoughts and emotions were going on at this instant that might distract her from the dangers of her surroundings.
I enjoyed it very much. Thank you.