I mean I really, REALLY hate him!!! He has not been a part of my sons life hardly ever (hasn't seen him in over 5 years now)even though I have given him every opportunity He has accused me of things I did not do. I have waived him of thousands of dollars of arrears yet he has been nothing but a big jerk . The biggest thing is his wife - who is a total witch and who has lied to him so many times about me.We do not talk now (thank gawd!) but I still harbor bitterness and resentment towards him. He even fights any kind of child support! He fights everything with me and gives me a hard time. I have asked im to give him up for adoption so my husband can adopt my son but he refuses. Heck, even after our son was born even with problems I respected his request to change our son's last name to HIS name!!! I have been so nice to this guy, yet he has screwed me over so many times. I'm so done with him. Sorry needed to vent!
2007-03-09 11:32:19 · 28 answers · asked by someoneyoudontknow 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No it is not "bad" of you...just keep your feeling to yourself. Never let your son know how you feel.
2007-03-09 11:37:49 · answer #1 · answered by Navy Mom Terri 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
AH but you are not over this man. The reason why I say this is because you have so much anger built up, you must still have feelings for him. I can see your point as well I love my son to death and have had problems with his Dad as well. If I were you just keep getting child support from him and leave it at that. If he is not going to come around and see your son then that is something your ex is going to have to live with. I do feel really bad for you son though but thank god he has another role model to live by. Just leave your ex alone. Call him only if it is an emergency about your son. The only time you should be seeing him is in court fighting over child support. Do not allow him to put space in your head it is only hurting you.
2007-03-09 20:18:39 · answer #2 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you need his money? No
Cut any communication with him your child feels this resentment and he is the only victim of bad feeling he might feel guilty. Try to have limited communication and show you son u are reasonable and fair towards his dad when he gets older he will underand ur decision becuase his dad always acted as a jerk and you were always a LADY about it. Don't lower your self to his trashy level for a few bucks.
2007-03-09 19:42:05 · answer #3 · answered by Unlucky 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, THis is not bad fo r you to hate this guy i have had really big problems with this i have a dad the same way he used my mom in so many ways and he used her for a home when my mom was pregnet with me she had 3 jobs and he didnt have any just so he could sit on his butt all day!He didnt pay child support either so my mom just let it slide so its just got worse then my mom got this card its like a credit card they automatically take money out of his pay check and put it on to a card a little extra for all the years he didnt pay.SO you should look into that!And if your son lives with you dont let himm be around his stepmom because her anger on you she will take out on you to your son because my stepmom hated my mom so when i was visiting my dad for 2 weeks she starved me and she wouldnt let me eat so keep your son away from her.My mom also tried to get my dad let my stepdad adopt me but my dad said no.But that is fine with me i mean my stepdad pays for like doctor vists and such but its really not that big of a deal.And all i have to say is that im sorry your going through this.I hope it gets better:]
2007-03-09 19:45:00 · answer #4 · answered by I WONDER! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The guy may be a complete jerk but I do hope you keep your opinion to yourself and you do not burden the child with your hatred. Whether you hate the father or not he is the father and the child has a right to form his own opinions about his dad free of your feelings.
My son's father is a complete jerk and would never pay child support or do anything for our son; because he was angry with me for divorcing his wonderful self. As much as I felt anger with him; I never sad anything bad about him to our son. Later, when my son was older he made up his own mind about his father. I was hoping they might be on better terms with each other but my son just does not like his father. That is totally his view and not colored by mine.
2007-03-09 19:43:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
do what is right for your son. get all the child support you can from this guy, back date EVERYTHING. Love your son and show him all the joys of living. whatever you do, don't let your son know of any of this. that means not talking bad about his father in front of him, don't degrade any of his questions based on your oponion of his father and try to find a real man who is willing to be a father figure to this child. Remember, his upbringing is going to predict how he brings up his own children. Raise him the best you can, if you need a friend e-mail me anytime. good luck and best of wished to you and your son. Forget about that looser. Take him for all he is worth.
2007-03-09 19:41:45 · answer #6 · answered by one up 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it's not fine to hate your son's father. It's not fine to hate anyone. You can REALLY not like or care for how someone is...but to hate them...no.
A person is only going to treat you the way you let them treat you.
You can't control how another person thinks...Yet, you CAN control how you respond / react to another.
Just because someone says something (bad) about you . . . doesn't make it true. They can say what they say. . . how you absorb what is said is up to you. If someone said you had five eyes, would that make it true ? He can say what he says....maybe work more on how you respond or absorb what he says.
You mentioned the wife of your ex...that she lies about you . . . Again...read what I wrote above. If she is a ' witch ' as you say...that is her husband's issue...not yours.
Don't make their ' thing ' your ' thing '.
You know that a scorpian has a stinger and can sting. So why be surprised when the scropian stings ? See tie in with your ex and his wife.
They are not making you mad...you are making your own self mad. Is'nt part of the gift of not living with someone anymore not having to put up with their 'stuff '?. I'm speaking from experience. I was married 23 yrs, now peacefully divorced 4 yrs., have three kids together now ages 14, 17 and 20. Part of the gift I gave myself was to think of my ex as a cousin that I'm not to fond of. I need to talk to or see him every now and then, we will always be in each others life through our kids so I'll always have to deal withi him on some level...but I've gifted myself with the knowledge that I DON'T HAVE TO LIVE WITH HIM DAY TO DAY. . .I don't hate him...I just REALLY don't like him or how he relate to me...so I keep our conversations short and when he shows signs of doing his 'fussing' stuff...I calmly end our conversation. Maybe think of you ex as a cousin that you only have to see now and then.
I wrote much here...maybe too much...but, hope these thoughts help.
Teach people how to treat you . . . And...people are only going to treat you the way you let them treat you...Control your own emotional environment. Peace to you.
2007-03-09 19:49:16 · answer #7 · answered by onelight 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife is going through the same bullsh.. And she feels the same way. And there is nothing wronge with you being hateful to this person at all. But like I tell my wife, what goes arround comes arround. In the end your child will know whats up and who loves him. So dont sweat it. Just do your best. And dont stop being nice to this guy, just be smarter than him.Trust me keep your enemys close, that way you know whats up before he trys anything.
2007-03-09 19:48:22 · answer #8 · answered by tommyhawk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to hate a jerk like this. Keep a diary of everything he does in case you want to go to court. You must write it down and leep it in a timely manner.
You need to also try to keep him out of your mind, being so bitter reflects on your son and b/f
2007-03-09 19:39:59 · answer #9 · answered by Nort 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just figure out how to make a case against him - based on his behavior, not his personality - and then take every possible legal step to get him out of your life forever. And also hold on to your son.
This all sounds like what you went through before, during the breakup. Why put yourself through all that grief again?
2007-03-09 19:38:55 · answer #10 · answered by EyeGuessSo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No its not bad. You have every right to hate him..But you do not have the right to say bad things about him to your son or even in earshot of your son. He will learn that all on his own.
I know how it feels.been there done that , have a t shirt for it. but in the end my children learned the truth and when he came back..they said screw you dad...
2007-03-09 19:37:47 · answer #11 · answered by lynda 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋