wife cheated Twice how do I Live With This?

Question

The Thought Of Her Making Love To Other Guys Is Killing Me. She Told Me Becouse It Was Driving Her Crazy ,She Felt After 20 Years She Had To Ask My Forgiveness. She Said At Last She Had To Be Honest .First Affair Lasted 18 Months Second They Were Together Twice Both Times It Was Men 15 And 20 Years Older[She Was 27 He Was 47.I Know How She Makes Love To Me Incredable Passion There Is Nothing She Wo'nt Do Wild ,She Said It Was'nt Like That With Them But Thats Hard To Think It Was'nt. Both Men Were Married,Second Fathered My Third Son .She Told Me That To .I've Alway Loved Her More Than Anything And Never Even Thought About Cheating .Help

Answer 1

I think you should consider other avenues for the remainder of your life. Is it worth what you are going through to stay with her knowing what you know? Or is there possibly another, more fulfilling, honest relationship out there waiting for you? I'm betting on the latter.

Answer 2

It sounds like all this happened 20 years ago? If that is the case and if you have a strong love and marriage - and she has been true for 20 years, I suppose I would try to find the strength to forgive her and stay. The forgiving would obviously take a lot of time as all this would not be easy to come to terms with. You might even consider marriage counseling, as the info on the son being some other man's is like a bomb. Wow. But, if you feel too much damage was done and you could never be happy in the marriage or trust her ever or if it kills your love for her, then yes, I think you would be better off leaving her, or your life would be full of resentment and you could not be happy. It is too bad that she did not cherish the deep love you obviously have for her.

Answer 3

Gary, do you believe love is blind?? This is where you are now, and even you know whats going on, your still sticking your gun for her. 2 affairs which the men was married,(love that is adultery), if your wife is feeling all this guilt why did she waited this long to tell you.
I can't tell you what to do and I will not judge you either but your a big man now, and you can feel the pain that she gave you. If she really loved you, why did she betrayed you, you know how she is in bed and yet she wasn't satisfied by that. Do not believe the things that she told you by saying that she didn't do what the two of you do in bed together, if so a person will do a lot more because its a new guy, just think about it. Don't you think the reason why she told you, she didn't make love to that guy like the way the two of you do is to make you feel better and not question her after all??
Your life is in your hand now, don't use your heart but do use your head so that way you will not go to the gutter........just be aware of things.....................good luck!

Answer 4

It sounds like this was a long time ago- I am assuming there was nothing recent. If this is the case- the best thing to do is get to the root of why she felt she needed to cheat- does she still have the propensity to cheat? Being that she told you tells me that she is probably not manipulative and uncaring, but that she is inscure and hurting- this is NOT an excuse or justification for her behavior- but she is crying out for help.
I suggest that you decide how important this relationship is to you and to her- then she should see a counselor on her own and you should see one together. Take stock of your relationship- are there any areas where you have cheatedo n her? maybe not with another women but putting more time and attention to things that detract from your marriage- if so- deal with those things and work on your relationship.
The only way I would suggest divorce is if she is still cheating and has no desire to change or get help

Answer 5

Acknowledge how you are feeling and accept it. If you believ ewithin your heart that you can still be with this woman then you guys should get counseling. If you believe that cheating and having a child that isnt yours is too much for you, then leave.

You should take some time apart so you can think about this situation clearly. This woman violated the something sacred, your trust. If you decide to leave you shoud still get counseling because this may carry over into your next relationship.

Also, a support group may help you.

I hope this helps.

Answer 6

Your question was hard to read because of the caps...Please don't do that anymore.

Now, if you want to continue in relationship with her you both must go to counseling as a couple and individually. I don't understand why she would feel compelled to tell you after all this time. If it was because of the guilt...great, but she opened a can of worms. If you have already made your mind up to not trust her and not to forgive her then get out of the marriage. Repairing your marriage is possible with work from both of you...it's just a matter of it being worth it.

Good luck

Answer 7

I am so sorry for you!
I can't imagine how much pain you are going through!!!
It was pretty selfish of your wife, not only to have those affairs, but to tell you now, after it is over (since you obviously didn't notice) because it was driving her crazy???
She doesn not deserve a guy like you.
Easy said, I know, since you still love her so much!
You guys might try counseling...I have no idea if it helps, but it might just be the key for you. Otherwise, you might always carry these images around with you, and you will end up getting destroyed! All the best to you!

Answer 8

It is obvious that you still want to be in the marriage and that is ok. As long as you are not selling yourself short . I would suggest counseling together and apart. The line has been crossed and it will take time and effort to mend this . You should be sure that you trust yourself enough to work at it . If you think that you cant get beyond it , do yourself a favor and walk away .

Answer 9

she has cheated on you successfully twice, without you finding out. Who's to say that she will not do it again. She cant tell you that, because she got away with it, 2 times, and she will do it again. You can forgive, but you never forget. I don't know how to tell you to cope with this, but honestly, I would just move on, take the kids that are mine, and go, because I am sure that you do not want your children, to be pushed to the side while she sleeps with this man and that man. Mommy with lots of different men is not good for children to be around. Get the kids and file for divorce.

Answer 10

To make a relationship work you must have trust and be able to forgive, but if you can't forgive or trust try counseling and if that doesn't work, It's sad to say but you may need to split. Sometimes time apart gives you time to think and really get a clear picture on what to do. It was wrong of her to cheat, but please don't give up on your marriage unless you know you have tried to make it work and you just can't make it any longer. Good Luck!!!