ugh. So a lot of this is to rant but i need advice...(ps-im 17)
1- I am going out of town this weekend with my boyfriend (of 8 months) and his family...I LOVE his family but lately he is bugging me. I love him but i dont think im in love...and i tried to break up with him but couldnt do it. I REALLY at least want tonight to myself because we are leaving tm. and we already made plans to hang out...what do i do?
2-I have been talking to my ex/first love and am starting to get the feelings again (butterflys, smiling when i think about him) kind of thing. the only problem is we both have new lives and new boy/girlfriends.
3- my "best friend" is trying to control everything i do, and always says im blowing her off even when im not. I try to include her in things but she is super passive agressive. I dont know how to deal with it...suggestions?
4-My best friend and i have barely talked in the last year. she is not the same person and everytime i try to talk to her she doesnt talk back. Do I deal with it…or get over it?
2007-03-09 10:58:08 · 16 answers · asked by *Cole* 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
about the night to myself..
i guess i mean night with my other friends...and i would feel bad for lying.
2007-03-09 11:11:23 · update #1
#4 is a different best friend..
we have been best friends since 2nd grade and through so much together. I guess i just need help with the pain of losing the only REAL best friend ive really had
2007-03-09 11:13:13 · update #2
1. it'll really suck, but you need to break up with him after the trip if you feel as though you owe it to him, but think about yourself first. if you don't want to go just break up before you have to spend the weekend with him.
2. Don't screw up his relationship. You're probably just remembering how you felt since he was your first love which is a very special thing.
3. You need to set her down and tell her. Sometimes people don't realize that that kind of thing is annoying, it just comes naturally to them. Then, try to make some time for her like a day at the mall or something to make her feel included, just you and her. You can ask her what's wrong and if you did something to make her upset with you, but if she doesn't say anything just leave her alone, maybe she needs some time. Just let it go for now, and make attempts to talk to her or write a card or something every now and then just to let her know you haven't forgotten about her, but since its been a year i wouldn't consider her my best friend anymore.
2007-03-09 11:08:40 · answer #1 · answered by corazon17 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, 1 - Call him and tell him you need some time to think about somethings, Tell him it's nothing to worry about and probably just a phase, If he loves you he will understand and let you think things thru and go it alone tonight. In the mean time you really need to mull things over in your head and get your priorities straight.
2 - With the ex situation, Just because he's your friend and maybe still likes you, doesn't mean he wants to be with you again. The butterflies are just a happy feeling which means he triggers a gut instinct in you. Make ABSOLUTELY sure of his and your own intentions before making any big moves.
3 - If you have to put quotations around her being your best friend, she obviously isn't. Don't let her push you around or put words in your mouth. If she's that worried about it just let her know how you feel and If she's a real friend she'll compromise and get the hint.
4 - I had the same thing happen to me. People do change, sometimes for better and sometimes for worse. If she's not talking to you then your just going to have to get over it and move on because you can't change other people and you can't turn her back into the great friend she once was.
My best wishes to you and I hope this was of some help. Stay strong and hang in there, Everything happens for a reason good or bad. Our choices that we make light our path in life, just remember not to regret things because what you did was a GREAT idea at that point in time.
Jessica
2007-03-09 19:08:43 · answer #2 · answered by jessiicaxo7 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to himthat because of leaving youd rather stay home tonight and get everything ready for leaving so you dont have to worry about them while youre gone. Or youre just too tired to do anything. If he persists then call it an early night. It sounds like youre beginning to see that hes smothering you and deep inside you dont like it. The reason for the feelings with your ex is youre remembering the good times and youre in love with the idea of being in love for the first time again. Just remember if this guy was such a catch you two would still be together. There is a reason why you two parted ways. As for your best friend, again youre in a smothered/ controlled mode and to be controlled by someone else is not you but youre too nice a person to tell her off so you dont know what to do. By her not talking to you when you try, it tells me she is not happy unless she is controlling everyone around her. You two have grown apart for whatever reason so maybe you should just move on but be yourself in case someday in the future she comes looking for you. Youre at the age where many teens just change and grow and move in all directions trying to form their own identity so what youre going thru is very normal. Just be patient with those around you and someday you will understand all this. Good luck and dont grow up too fast. You still have a whole lifetime ahead of you.
2007-03-09 19:14:24 · answer #3 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1) Just say that you would like to have the night to yourself. A decent guy would look at that and think, "Got the whole weekend, how's one night gonna hurt?" Plus, if you are not comfortable with him or you just feel what you want in your relationship, dump him for both your sakes. Feelings heal.
2) No touchy. That would go under a fling. You feel the passion again, but another relationship with him won't work (especially if the last one ended badly)
3) Just go on like you have. You can't go adjusting yourself just because someone isn't happy with it. You're not doing anything wrong, so why "fix" anything.
4) Get over it. It takes two for a friendship to be there. Besides, if she doesn't even talk back to you...she just doesn't care.
2007-03-09 19:05:53 · answer #4 · answered by Somebody Real 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you r 17 u r in titled 2 have a night by yourself. and if you want to break up with your bf do it. if you think you may like your first love again tell him,he may feel the same way if not,so what did you lose? you are 17. you will find another guy . it's a good thing to date at 17,don't be stuck to one guy have fun. your bfriend issue sounds jealous , make time for her if that don't work get a new best friend sometimes people grow apart maybe that's what happen here. and don't let her guilt you into being her friend.
2007-03-09 19:12:47 · answer #5 · answered by sassy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Try spending time with his family instead of him on the trip. Try making it a fun trip and instead of acting like the typical boyfriend/girlfriend, try acting as if you are one of the famiy. Also, if you want the night to yourself tonight, say something like "I'm really tired and I want to go to sleep," or "My family wants to spend time with me before I go away by myself," etc. etc.
2. Since you both have boy/girlfriends, I would just back down for awhile. I wouldn't tell him that you like him just yet. When he breaks up with his girlfriend and you with your boyfriend, try breaking the ice again. Have someone mention to him "You and [your name] made such a cute couple." and then get around to telling him or having someone tell him that you have feelings for him again.
3.Tell your "best friend" that you do need a little privacy. If she cannot respect that, then she is not a true friend. Tell her that you both have lives and you need to live them. Tell her that you're not blowing her off and that "your sorry" for making it seem that way to her, but you are not changing anything because it's your life.
4.If it is your best friend you are referring to in the other question, then I would ditch her. She obviously needs help if she believes that you are blowing her off, when she was the one not talking to you. Tell her that you still want to be friends with her, but you two need to start acting like it instead of arguing about spending time together and not talking.
Hope I've helped
Good Luck! <3
2007-03-09 19:07:15 · answer #6 · answered by kelsey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st and 2nd its not good to lie how you feel about your boyfriend and your bestfriend is not really your friend if she is being passive. i know it is hard but you need to ditch your friend because i don't think she is worth it there are so many other bestfriends out there. and i think in your situation with your boyfriend that you are trying to break up with. i think you need to dump him for real tell him you want it to be over, and get some time for yourself. i think you just need some time to clear your head a little.
by the way: i'm 18, and i usually don't write this much to answer someone's questions but i read your issue and thought i should give you some advice?
and if you need to continue writing to me you can, we can email eachother back: newyorkunderscore meunderscoreat yahoo.com or if that doesn't work toitoiatyahoo.com
2007-03-09 19:09:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. if you dont like your boyfriend then you can either try to fix things with him or break-up. its that simple.
2. number two isnt really a question.....um....so youre having feelings for an ex no big deal. stay in contact if you like him maybe one day it will work out.
3. passive agressive is one of the worst traits in a human being. someone who gets annoyed constantly, doesnt complain but adds rude remarks that make much sense. tell your friend to go pound sand if she doesnt like the life your living. its your life, do NOT let people like her control your life.
4. people change its not a bad thing, change just happens. dont worry about it.
best of luck yo!
2007-03-09 19:05:24 · answer #8 · answered by Dr. Atlas 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my life (I'm 31), I've learned that it's better to be open and honest with your feelings and thoughts; people need to KNOW the real you to ACCEPT the real you, right?
Anyway:
1.)Tell the boyfriend you need to pack and get your stuff lined out, make sure you aren't forgetting something. It is not an option, he is not invited to the packing party.
2.)Deal with first problem before initiating a second problem.
You do not need to ADD to your confusion. ;o)
3.)Lay it all out for the "best friend." If she is truly your friend, she will listen to you. You need to feel secure in the people you trust. If she's distancing herself, somethings wrong.
Hope everything works out for you! Good Luck!
2007-03-09 19:05:39 · answer #9 · answered by mzindica 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wateva u do dont ditch ur mates for a lad, in my eyes all mates shud *** first, have u ever heard the sayin: friends walk into ur life and stay but boys just come and go!!! And if u dont luv this lad anymore wats the oint in stayin wiv him huni, just tellim u wud ratha b friends cuz it dunt feel rite anymore and wud probs be beta that way, n then u will still get to keep in touch and see his family!!!! Wateva u do tho giv it a few days b4 u do end it especially as ur goin on hoiliday wiv him tomoz, n wen u hav ended it dont get wiv sum1 else straightaway cuz it will kill him or atleast reli hurt him, giv it atleast a week b4 anuva relationship kk huni!!! gud luck chick xxx
2007-03-09 19:15:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋